It was a video of myself at a friends birthday that finally rocked me to the core. It was a really important part of me finally having a "good look at myself" and led to my first visit to AA.
Toxic friends or not - they did me a favour. When I saw the girl on the table (in the pic above), I thought "Oh God, that looks like me" and I had to blow it up to check. Truth is Nancy, all anyone could have done back then, was get close enough to take a pic...had they tried waking me I would have come up feral and just plain dangerous. I made conscious choices to do dumb things like that...
...Just laid down, and thought "I'm sleeping here and the rest of the world can go to buggery". Morality was gone...consideration for the young...respect for others...and definately respect for myself was long gone. There was no fear. My friends didn't make those choices, I did.
We get fearless again in sobriety when we remember how truly fearless we have already been, when the grog was our god. We start channelling that faith in positive and constructive thoughts and actions. (eg. If I could spend a night naked on a concrete bench and survive, then I can walk into this meeting, apply for this job, say no etc. with the same faith that I will survive and everything will be ok.)
P.S. Phil - Glad to see your counting your blessings. oooh what mischief we'd get up to if we lived on the same side of the street.
Nah Nancy...I was just talking with you... Your comment and the pic made me think...so was just sharing.
It is a very rare day when I take offense to anything. Someone has to be totally absolutely utterly directly hurtful, before I will think the worst of them. I have no problem whatsoever if folks disagree with me...it makes me think, and that's a good thing.
oooh what mischief we'd get up to if we lived on the same side of the street.
Your comment and the pic made me think...so was just sharing.