The Myth of Beautiful People

barisax · Senior Member

The Myth of Beautiful People

jazzyblue · Veteran Member

My niece and your granddaughter could be the same person. My niece at 16 was so shockingly beautiful I could never understand how she could have so many problems. After two attempts at suicide she was admitted to a mental hospital for a few months. With her charm and good looks she got through those months with little real help from the doctors and staff. It wasn't long before we realized that she was not well. Finally in her twenties she got medical help and she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She started taking medication and was doing well for some time. But it only lasted for about two years. She often complained that when she took the medication she couldn't feel. No highs, no lows, she felt she was just existing. She started doing drugs because a friend (also bipolar) told her it would help. She moved to another state and now occationally will call someone in the family when she needs money etc... but as far as we know she is not getting any help.

It is so hard to sit and watch someone who I love and admire just waste away. On the outside she is a exceptionally smart, beautiful woman with a heart of gold, sophistcated, charming, funny, loving person. But on the inside she is terrified, paranoid, manic, and obsessed with her appearance. She does not see herself as beautiful and finds fault in everything about herself.

I am average looking and carry a few extra pounds that I am always trying to lose. But have never been overly concerned with my looks. But beautiful people can't go anywhere or do anything without looking perfect. That would be too much for me to deal with. I count my blessings every day. God may not have made me overly beautiful but he gave me a heart and a brain...and using those I made my way to AA.

I pray for my niece everyday and hopefully someday she will find her way into the rooms. I know if she does she will find love and peace. Thank you for your post. I am happy that your daughter and granddaugher are in 12 step programs! God Bless you all!

louisa · Senior Member

For me being perceived as physically "beautiful" has caused problems with trust.

I have recently become very close to a man who I feel truly loves me for who I am on the inside as we were in touch for a long time before he ever saw me physically.

My mother used to dress me up like a doll and show me off - in an unhealthy way. God! Even some of my parents male friends would make remarks about my beauty in very crude kind of "off" ways and I would die with embarrassment. I was a very confused child!!!! confuse

I have always felt ill at ease with my father's comments about my beauty as a child and of course my mother's simmering resentment and jealousy every time he said it!!!!

I am not critisising God's handiwork but being deemed "beautiful" can bring problems that people don't even imagine. Their plight in life is not always recognised and is often derided.

I am now 45 and no spring chicken ! I do NOT (nor ever have) considered myself beautiful on the outside - pretty? maybe? I have never been obsessed with my looks ever and in the first photo I sent of myself to this lovely man....I pointed out the utter sadness in my eyes........which he could see.

I am extremely protective of "beautiful" newcomers in AA. aww

My heart goes out to the above young women. Other women can sometimes be antagonistic.....not openly, but it can be there.

My hair is naturally blonde but I have often thought it better to dye it darker to perhaps not stand out as much - sad.

Also sad is that this lovely man said he would never have had the courage to have spoken to me had he seen me in person before getting to know me.

This post is not meant to sound self pitying or ungrateful - just factual. The grass is not always greener........

Dave Harm · Senior Member

My step-daughter had the same kind of experience. At 17 she was ready for recovery and the first time she entered those rooms with her looks no one really listened to her speak... but after the meeting... everyone was all over her.

It was really quite sad... she went to AA to find hope and all she saw was a dating service.

She is still clean and sober but doesn't attend AA anymore... and that hurts

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

This is a strange area for me. I have done such a 180 in 2 years. I am sober, quit smoking, lost 70 pounds, go to the gym almost daily... Truly both my insides and outsides have changed so much I sometimes have trouble believing it's me. Today I got hit on so hard before a meeting that I almost left. I am definitely not used to this but I had to think that it certainly is a luxury problem. Either way, I still often feel like the ugly, overweight, out of control alcoholic that wanted to be noticed so bad and now that I am getting the attention, I don't know what to do with it... It is strange. I hope this doesn't come across conceited.

zzworldontheweb · Senior Member

Yeah, I was actually kind of surprised when I started just how many good-looking, thin people there were in AA. I guess I had some silly prejudices.

I do tend to feel quite sorry for the, younger, prettier women in AA because the type of attention they get isn't always helpful. It's really a double-edged sword.