Not so much our old drinking buddies.  But someone whose alcoholic(s) in their life are not sober or died of the disease, being resentful of our sobriety?

My ex-wife's mother drank herself to death when I was only about 6 months sober.  It's hard to remember the chronology but it seems like up to that point she was supportive of my sobriety and AA.  After her mother died, I suggested Alanon - actually I suggested it before.  Her mother was a bitter, sarcastic, wicked-tongued woman who drove people away from her.  I think that once she was gone, my ex. turned a lot of her unresolved feelings toward her mother onto me.  Resentment for being an alcoholic, and - I suspect - resentment for being sober.  As if my continuing sobriety was somehow "in her face", or rubbing in the fact that I got sober and her mother didn't.  I never said anything like that nor did I realize until much later that things really changed.  By saying I was an alcoholic - a judgment and label she had long ago placed on her mother - I was in effect taking on "the sins of the mother".

When reading the thread "I miss my sister", I got to thinking about that... when you lose someone close to you to this disease, a reaction might be to resent those who have survived it.  I suspect this may be true of any fatal disease such as cancer, not just alcholism.  "Why them and not me?" when we lose a loved one, but see others just as bad or worse who recover.

I told the story a few months ago of my friend who drifted out of the program and died drunk.  It's certainly not the first time someone I know died of alcoholism, but it does bring the question - how come I'm still here?  I have another friend who actually has more sobriety than me, and is actually younger than me, who has just gotten so involved in other things that he rarely goes to meetings.  He's still sober but I have to wonder what goes on in his head.  I can't imagine not having a home group and at LEAST one meeting a week.  I see some continuously flirt with disaster and skid by, others crash and burn.  And I'm still sober.

But, I don't resent myself for continuing to stay sober.  But it does make me very grateful, and ever reminded that I'm sober because I've been give the gift, not because of any greatness or brilliance on my part.  My only contribution has been the shred of willingness it took to move my feet into step 1, and my Higher Power has taken it from there.  And when someone close to me falls, and succumbs to the disease, I pray that I don't become smug or do the "I told you so", which only adds to the pain.

Barisax