An open book study???

Reffner · Senior Member

An open book study???

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

I think the reason for "closed" meetings is for members to share their personal experiences amongst committed members who understand the traditions, such as anonymity. During book studies, this kind of experience is shared and received by those genuinely interested in recovery. Your newbie gal lacks knowledge and experience and it appears her ego is driving her quest to change the group in a controlling way. It kind of reminds me of the new kid in school who craves attention and is trying to establish them self in a short period of time. Does she have less than a year? Some groups have rules about members with less than a year participating in group conscience meetings for these reasons.

louisa · Senior Member

but she left feeling "personally attacked" (her words, not mine) and said "this group needs to make some serious changes."

Oops! *smiling* seems she made a decison based on self that later put her in a position to be hurt !!!!!! biggrin

Ouch!!!

However I do agree with her on the "this group needs to make some changes bit !" Yes! The first involves her and an Exit sign !!!! wink

(only joking !!!!)

She thinks we should open all our meetings (currently Monday and Friday are closed, with Wednesday being open) and thinks that the new book study should be open as well.

What? confuse

I don't wish to be undiplomatic but that's insane. If she wants to be the cabaret - and perform to an audience - get a gig elsewhere.

"well, it's my meeting, I should be able to run it any way I want".

No Sweetheart! It is NOT your meeting - you are not God. Chair does not equal Boss.

No, seriously Brian. God only knows her motives, she may not even know her true motives herself but I'm with Dean on this one. Totally.

Louisa xx

Dave Harm · Senior Member

I go to both and actually enjoy an open meeting more... but there are some long-timers who would never go to an open meeting so I also follow their advice and go to closed ones.

Our community has nine meetings a week... some I won't go to at all because they are run by one person... I like seeing different folks chair meetings and have their moment of having a strong purpose... for that one week to be somebody "important."

Recently, a young man chaired a meeting for the first time... he had just over a month sobriety and he was a nervous wreck doing it... but by the end of the meeting... it was easy to see how much growth he had in that one hour...

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

My experience is about being reminded of our traditions period. I would have
cracked up openly when she made that remark unless I was with a bit more
compassionate control but crack up would have been my reaction. Sounds
like she is being allowed much to much power and control and someone else
should step up to service and let her become a member again. Further
discussion should be on the traditions and concepts. She's been enabled into
her dellusion. Gently give her a "regular" chair by group decision. smile

louisa · Senior Member

Jerry F shared

She's been enabled into her dellusion.

I find that really interesting. Seems she has. I am wondering why? Perhaps she is drop dead gorgeous and "jaws are hitting the floor" for another reason ?? biggrin

Maybe she is the only female in the group? biggrin

Looking at the groups part in it, it has been my experience that sometimes and particularly in meetings where there are alot of oldtimers or people with a reasonable length of sobriety that the newcomer comes in - gets some sobriety and is obviously extremely grateful and happy to AA (as this lady may be)and want to carry the message as much as they can. I often see some groups latch onto this and be quite happy that the newcomer is prepared to do almost everything and encourage it. I have been to meetings where some oldtimers sit there like Don Corleone and never lift a finger - as in they are "above" basic service. Therefore the newcomer is encouraged (over encouraged ) and this kind of problem can occur.

The other members then get resentful and the newcomer feels confused and disapointed.

Clearly I have no idea about this particular group but am merely sharing my experience and trying to look at it from her possible point of view aswell.

Really interesting thread I feel. Food for thought.
Thanks Brian.
Louisa xx

Reffner · Senior Member

Actually, she is far from the "drop dead gorgeous" type. The problem is, when she took over chair on Monday nights, things began to change. She turned it into a "comedy club", meaning that she thinks that laughter is the best way to get and stay sober. I agree that laughter is good medicine, but there NEEDS to be some seriousness (imo) involved too. She has about 18 months sober, and has been through 3 sponsors, and "worked" all 12 steps with each one of them. Any way, the old timers that attend out group are just tired of trying to keep things on track with all the new comers we get, so instead of trying to "gently" guide her in the right direction, they simply quit going on Monday nights. So now it's all new comers on Mondays, and when they attend our Friday meeting (different chair), they act like they have no idea what's going on. I've heard some of them call some of the old timers "a$$ holes" for stating the truth about the issues (whatever they may be at the time). Instead of trying to make the right changes, everyone simply gave up. It's sad, but it's my experience that group dynamics change over time, and it all works out in the end.

Brian

Larry_H · MIP Old Timer

I don't care if it is open or closed, if the books are conferance approved or not conferance approved.

I don't care what the format is or isn't.

What I do care about is that this is all decided by a group conscience and not by any one person be they an oldtimer or a newbie.

Then I vote by my feet whether or not the meeting is helping or hurting my recovery
and my attendance at any given meeting is based on that.

It is so easy and so wrong for me to judge others and say this is the wrong way to run an AA meeting or this is the right way. Whenever I have tried that in my past my opinions have usually been wrong.

Today I don't try to fix AA, I try to fix Larry's tolerance and love for others.

Larry
--------------
The Twelve Steps are a plan for living, not just for discussion.

-- Edited by Larry_H on Wednesday 4th of August 2010 07:15:59 PM

John · Admin

Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achive sobriety...
How does having open meetings contribute to either of these concepts??

Maybe I come from the hard school of AA, but it's not likely anything would have been tabled at the groups I attend. We would have voted and keep what has worked for numerous years in place and voted to have a new chair person on that specific night of the week, for the sake of the newcomer, the group and even more so the current chairperson.

John

Lexie · Senior Member

I think open meetings do serve the primary purpose--open meetings are often attended by friends and family of alcoholics who want to understand alcoholism and recovery, as well as by those who aren't ready to declare themselves alcoholics for the sake of qualifying to attend a closed meeting. They're also attended by professionals with whom we cooperate. Allowing these people to attend the open meetings does help alcoholics who aren't yet in AA or who are new to AA.

I would think that most non-alcoholics would be less interested in a Big Book study, anyway--a speaker's meeting or open discussion meeting would probably be more helpful and interesting to them.

In any event, it's not up to any one member to dictate the format of the meeting--not around here, anyway.