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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Advice on being a sponsor for the first time
Post Info TOPIC: Advice on being a sponsor for the first time
The Sword


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Advice on being a sponsor for the first time
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I have talked with my sponsor, and am going to follow what he did with me in a general way, but I'd like to get some thoughts from the group here. Any mistakes you made or things to watch out for?

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Larry_H


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Mark

The 12 steps in the big book are the road map work them with your sponsee

Always Always tell the truth

Remember that we share Experience, Strength and Hope, NOT OPINONS

I tell my sponsees that I do not have office hours.  If they have a problem and are not drinking they can feel free to call me at any time 24 by 7.

Don't be surprised if you get more out of sponsoring than your sponsee does.

Above all no matter what happens remember that we can't get anyone sober and we can't get anyone drunk we are only the messenger.

Enjoy,  Sponsoring can be a very rewarding experience.

Larry,
----------------
Anything an alcoholic lets go of has claw marks all over it



-- Edited by Larry_H on Sunday 18th of July 2010 11:43:19 AM

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Lexie


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I'm a long way from sponsoring anyone, so I'm in no position to give any advice, but thought I'd share a blog about sponsorship here, that I found very insightful.   

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Lexie
    ~ one breath at a time
louisa


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I think for me - a mistake I see often and have experienced myself is a muddying/crossing over of the waters between sponsor and friend.

For me particularly in the early stages, the relationship needs to be clearly defined.  I am not sure if this muddying happens more with females, but it is something I have seen fail time and time again.

I am very clear with my sponsees that I am not their friend, I am not their counsellor/therapist, or their doctor....... I am their AA sponsor (of course I may have suggestions from my own experience or be able to refer them to people or places) but my job is to carry the AA message to them. Simple. Sometimes what I have to say is tough and they will not want to hear it ......but honesty is essential.  I say those tough things in a loving way but still, however they are said, they are not always what my sponsee wants to hear!aww

I use the book "Carry This Message" A Guide for Big Book Sponsorship" by Joe McQ as almost a manual - based on the Big Book.

I also try to remember always that I am a human being doing the best I can.

Best wishes,
Louisa
xx








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pinkchip


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I'm new at this too. Having 2 sponsees now. All I can do is pass on what was given to me and recycle the message that has been working years and years before me. Praying to be a vehicle for healing and my HP but I know I don't have the power to make anyone sober. They have to want it just like I did and do. Eager to hear other's input on this one though. I do know that my inclination would lean towards being therapist and too friendly....Once again though...all I can be is me and those are parts of me (though I am trying to stay aware of my boundaries). If they want a drill seargeant they can go elsewhere.

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FlyingSquirrel


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It's not possible and probably not desirable to sponsor someone else exactly the same way your sponsor did for you.  That would create stagnation, and prevent the growth of the overall program.  Just my opinion, of course.  I know for sure that there is one thing I will be doing differently than my sponsor:  He assigned me some "extracurricular" reading, from a book written by a priest or minister, liberally interspersed with phrases such as "Jesus Christ Our Lord" - really brought up some trust issues for me, among other things.  I posted a thread about it at the time:

http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?aBID=42735&p=3&topicID=31968330

Anyway, I made it through that without quitting A.A. or drinking, but I still disagree with his decision to assign the reading to me and I don't want to take the chance of alienating someone new to the program who has the same issues with religion that I do.  If they want to read stuff on their own and it leads them to religion and they like it, fine.  But I'm not going to be ASSIGNING the stuff.  So there's just one instance where I think it makes sense to make your own decisions regarding whether you will do the same thing your sponsor did or not.

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Dave Harm


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For me it has always been a very strong dose of the first three steps. I believe no one can remain sober without a strong spiritual foundation... after that foundation is set in place the rest of the steps don't seem so intimidating...

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Rob84


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Here is my ESH:

First ask them..What are you willing to do to stay sober?

Read the AA pamplet on sponsorship, it tells us one of the main objectives of a sponsor is to help get the sponcee connected with people, phone numbers/contacts and a group

Sponsors should brush up on the AA Sponsorship pamplet, the "Working with others" chapter in the BB.

I agree with Dave about the strong spiritual foundation and heavy emphasis on the first 3 steps.

IMO the 3d step takes the most effort and work. If you can get out of self, it is almost impossible to do a good job looking at self as required in the 4th step

I really think the best thing we can do is make sure the new person gets active in a group, start shaking hands, goes to a lot of meetings and works to care about others and the good of the whole. I think these actions help us with getting out of self and our spirituality




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mikey50


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Hello  Sword 


I remember my first 2 times sponcering ,, both got drunk
Went to sponcer about  it ,,what mistakes did i make ? 

He asked me if i was    Sober  and yes i was  )  i have learn  since not to take it too personaly  we do the best we can   .

I cant keep anybody sober or i cant get anybody drunk ..
 I think the best i can give is time ,,as Larry said  be avil 24/7 ,,,goodluck to you 

Russell smile   

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louisa


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Flying squirrel shared...

Anyway, I made it through that without quitting A.A. or drinking, but I still disagree with his decision to assign the reading to me and I don't want to take the chance of alienating someone new to the program who has the same issues with religion that I do

OOOHHH! That made my blood boil reading that!!!!!! Yes I have come across sponsors with a severe case of self will run riot!!!!!!

I agree we can sometimes learn from our sponsor's how not to do it!!!!!biggrin


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