Strange evening... difficult

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Strange evening... difficult

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi Joni,

It sounds like you are getting in the swing of being single and enjoying your own company. That was essential for me in early sobriety. I'd never done that (being single for awhile living alone) and the fear of
doing that made me quite needy in relationships. After a couple years of learning to be the happy bachelor, I had a new attitude toward dating centered around "prove to me that you deserve a place in my already happy life"

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

That makes a world of sense Dean, go figure. Before I was married, I was sober and had found that very place you mention. I was very good at slamming the door after kicking someone out of my life for not being worthy to be in it. I enjoyed my own company. I had girl friends also, who were a daily part of my life.

I guess the rough thing for me now is that number one, I thought I would phase right back into that mode after the separation. Not so.

The second thing is that my girlfriends are all married now and have kids, or not married but have kids, etc.... and I am almost 40 years old and just can't see myself hanging at the dry clubs, which are mostly filled with "dudes" ( for lack of a better description of these young men)

.....

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Sounds like it's time for some new sober single women friends to hang with. Don't paint yourself into a corner, paint a new life that works.

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

I guess that requires one thing and one thing only.... MORE WOMEN'S MEETINGS!!! DUH!!!!

You know, I forgot that a group of women go after the 6pm Wed womnens mtg to an Italian restaurant after the mtg.... I will BE there next Wed!!!

Thanks Dean, as hard as I try to pick my own brain for answers, they come through work with another alcoholic... bless you

:o)

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Anytime little sis. I'm a bit sad that another one of my beloved Redskins is being inducted into the hall at Canton this summer and I can't make it. I would've loved to have visited you and your sponsor again. This darn mountain home kept me from that and going to San Antonio. Oh well can't have it all.

angelov8 · MIP Old Timer

If you go to women's meetings you might find other married women who welcome activities away from the partner and are more envious of your new found me time. I personally treasure social get-togethers with AA sisters and do not use it to gab about how great it is to be married or the annoying flip side, bitch about how my partner sucks. It's just to enjoy eachother's company. Wish you lived near me, I'd love to cook dinner together, and I wouldn't take it to mean you wanted to cook for me every night in the near future, or that you were lookin to offer a special dessert. Night dear lady,
Angela

-- Edited by angelov8 on Saturday 17th of July 2010 12:40:40 AM

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Joni...As you know, I came in to AA the day after breaking up from a super duper toxic relationship. It has been an ongoing journey in AA of getting more comfortable with myself and learning to live in my own skin. All I can say is I feel your pain cuz I could not distinguish which misery was from early sobriety and which was from the break up. Not that I would recommend it for others, but I have now had 2 additional break ups so I know relationships and breakups are not a good reason to take me out. By the way, it IS okay to share these feelings in the room and with your girlfriends. It beats resenting them. I grieved the lost relationship in the rooms a lot. Some people may have wondered if it was the right place but it actually was because going through anything difficult and helping each other through it IS our business and it does have it's place in the rooms. Glad you are talking about it here.

Love,

Mark

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Makes sense. Would you make dinner for THIIIISSSSS guy?
[pic removed]

Any man who can fit ALL his junk into a Pringles can is too disadvantaged for the likes of Joni Baloni!
Besides, Amiga - you may be lonely, but you're never alone!

I, too, while dating, only saved one-on-one cooking for the special ones and NEVER on the first date. Only the best got my seafood/tarragon mannicotti Alfredo with asparagus tips.
And if they were....well...AWESOME (I've only done this fort three women EVER) they got Japanese Tea Ceremony in silent perfection.

Peace and best wishes,
Rob

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 19th of July 2010 12:07:30 AM

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Wow!!!!!!!! I have a new couple of things to hold out for..... #1 the "Pringles Can test", and #2.... can COOK.

Funny, and not trying to beat a dead horse, but since no one here knows him, I need to poke fun at the ex sometimes, ONLY to reaffirm that I should have never married someone so different than me in the first place.

A month or so ago, I was in between paychecks (and alimony is not set yet, although there has been financial help from the ex sporadically and as-needed). Anyway, my car was broke down and I said, "Hey, I need some milk, bread, smokes and a few groceries til Friday (payday)" and he said, "Cool, I'll drop some stuff and some cash off after work."

Lo and behold, I ended up with: 1 gallon 2% milk (I drink skim, but that's FINE with me), 1 box Froot Loops, 1 box Frosted Flakes, 1 package balogna (not kidding), 1 loaf standard white bread (ew), 2 packs Big Size Reeses Cups, 3 12packs regular Coke (UCK)....

Though I was very grateful for the effort at the time, I was confused as hell, because in all 6 years of marriage, I never bought any of those items. Well, he stopped at a gas station I guess. The effort was made. But now I understand. He wanted pizza or fried chicken or steak from restaurants ALL the time. I made pasta dishes, and seafood and gournet-ish type stuff. Duh. Not a match in the kitchen, by any means. He reminisced about the "good old days" when his mom and exwife would make him Hamburger Helper. I refused to make it. (my part.) Nothing against his type of guy, but clearly a DUHHHHH moment for me now.