I love my "still-drinking" life-long friends too, but a funny thing that happened this weekend made me appreciate the level of understanding I get when I spend time with the friends I have made in AA...
At a BBQ, I spent a lot of time catching up with a good friend (who drinks) who proceeded to tell me several times how much she supported me in my decision to stop drinking, how I should call her anytime if I wanted to talk about it, how she was really proud of me taking this step, anything she could do to support me, etc. etc. etc...
She then came by later on her way with another friend and says to me, "Hey, you want to smoke some weed with us?"
Um... I love you but you are unclear on the concept of sobriety. :)
HEY Twelve steps! I used to get that also, be like "well you can just drink a little tonight,no hard stuff(and what kind of alcohol was that?) or like you said,well we know you ain't drinking anymore man,, but wanna smoke some crack or blow an 8 ball??(nah!!!)Man, what you too good for us now? Hmmmmm the incredible disappearing man,was I!! My friends who would watch me drink and drive my car in a tree ,come out in a stupor,push me out of a ditch then send me on my way!! Hmmmm...wouldn't be caught dead hanging with them 'squares" they said.(Normies").... I have spent over 25 years working to be "one of them squares'!! ain't it a trip!!(spiritually not mentally&physically :) Only a couple of them "friends" left now!! By the grace of God ,I was pulled from the mire and my feet were set on a Rock! Thanks for reminding me and keeping me sober for one more day!!!!I am so grateful!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
I cherish my AA friends because they mean what they say, and they say what they mean, and they don't say it mean
I cherish my AA friends because they love me enough to tell the truth, no matter what, whether it concerns me, or them, they tell me what is truthfully going on with them, and they will ask "Do you want my opinion?" about me, if I say No, they let it drop, if I say yes, they let me have it right between the eyes and help me see what my part was
I cherish my AA friends because in a world of passive aggressive people that not only don't know how they feel but aren't honest about it anyway I always know where I stand
I cherish my AA friends because they carried me when I couldn't carry myself, and I have done the same for them, money, place to stay, a simple hug, whatever, my AA friends are there for me NO MATTER WHAT, when I couldn't leave the house (fear, anxiety, depression) they came and got me and dragged me around no matter how much I cried and whined for a few days until I could walk on my own two feet, and in that particular instance one friend gave me a motorcycle to ride every day until I felt better then when I was done I could give it back (he never did get it back, I bought it)
I cherish my AA friends because in the real world when you walk into a room and shout "Help! I am FUCKED up!!!" everyone runs the other direction, my AA friends run towards me (mainly because that is how we get out of our head is by helping others, but I'll take it)
The truth is I cherish my AA friends because I have been doing this so long I don't know how to deal with people in the "real" world any more, I don't know how to deal with people who steal from you and call it "just business" I don't know how to deal with people who lie to me and aren't in touch with their emotions, I can only deal with people who can identify them and know the tools how to walk through them, who identify their own character defects and take responsibility for their actions, I don't know how to deal with people who aren't evolved enough to speak the truth, not cash register honesty, but true inner awareness honesty, I am just woefully equipped to deal with that stuff any more.
I don't know how to deal with people who's ass is on fire as they cruise along with their hidden agenda, whatever that is, whether it's one hand in someone's pocket or just the regular self centered, self serving bullshit, but stand next to you with flames and smoke pouring out out of their ass, sirens in the background, children leaping from buildings, cats and dogs that need rescuing, and you say, "Hey, how are you?"
and they say
"Fine, you?"
-- Edited by AGO on Tuesday 6th of July 2010 03:21:11 PM
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Good for you 12steps! Early on I asked someone if weed counts and they said "ask your sponsor." I imagined myself asking him and decided that yeah, weed counts.
I have a friend and we go waaaayyyyy back. We partied together a LOT. I was always the more extreme of the two of us (of course) and now everytime I talk to him he tries to convince me that I'm not an alkie. He tries to talk me back across into our old 'comfort zone'.
I've called him during a relapse and he congratulated me. Ugh. Goodbye, old playmate.
She then came by later on her way with another friend and says to me, "Hey, you want to smoke some weed with us?"
I was never much of a pot smoker. In my early drinking days, about age 18-21, I did it regularly but mainly because of the small clique I hung out with that also bought my beer for me when I was underage... LOL. By the time they all moved away, I was 21 and could buy my own. I found alcohol did everything I wanted, it was cheap, legal, and readily available.
Last time I smoked any weed was about 6 months before I quit drinking, and over the previous 10 years, it was *maybe* once a year. Pot made me paranoid, and I just drank more beer to get rid of the paranoia. But just because my primary drug was alcohol doesn't give me any license to play with anything else. I've seen a few of us go on the "marijuana maintenance plan" with disastrous results. I know what it would be for me... I'd be drinking in short order.
Good for you Twelve Steps. I remember when I was first getting sober how much I missed my old playground, playmates and playthings. I thought my life was over. I was so dependent on those people to make me whole and happy. Yes, I was a people pleaser and co-dependent. Funny thing happened after going to meetings, getting a sponsor, working the steps, finding a Higher Power and hanging out with the AA fellowship- I felt whole, wanted, needed and loved. I felt secure with real honest people. I made real friends with real people who live by the principles of AA. Now, I have no motivation to spend time with those old friends. I don't even want too. That's the amazing thing: it just happened. Gods work.
I am so grateful!