Yet I continue to drink. I hate waking up at 3 AM with a skull-busting headache and dying of thirst. I hate how fat it makes me. I hate having to pretend I know what people are talking about, when I don't have a clue. I hate feeling like a fake, a fraud, and a scumbag. I used to be a fairly serious distance runner, was always doing races and half-marathons, and now I have completely stopped because I am too tired, dehydrated, and hung over to hit the road. And the list could go on......
Welcome, Missy. I'm glad you found us. I believe no one gets here by accident. By posting on this site you think you may have a problem with alcohol. Sounds like you may be powerless over alcohol? That's the first huddle in our program. The second huddle is part II of step 1- is you life unmanagable? Sounds like the diesase of alcoholism may have already taken some things from you? The good news is your never have to feel this way again. By surrendering to this diesase and be honest, open and willing to take some action steps, you can be relieved of the obession to drink and have a new freedom and new happiness. AA is a program of continuous action- those who do it, receive a life beyond their dreams.
My suggestion is: start going to meetings, tell them your new and ask for help from same sex members. If you are honest, open and willing the fellowship will take it from there.
Keep coming back here and let us know how it's going.
Aloha Missy...Now you are ready to take certain steps...like most of us have. Go to the white pages of your local telephone book and look up the hotline number for AA in your area. Call and get the meeting places and times where we get together in your area to sit, discuss and practice how to keep ourselves and others sober. You will be helping us and we start to help you.
Keep coming back here...not only the headache will go away so will the compulsion to drink when you don't want to.
Welcome Missy! or as the old commercial used to say"Greetings Pilgrim ,your search has ended" but they didnt include "it takes some work"..Good first step,realizing you got a problem going on ,jump in the water here,check out our solution,the steps and follow some suggestions..You can begin a new way to live.We all swam up to this shore in hopes of "drying" off...keep coming back,nice to meet you
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
I know I have a problem, I have known for quite a few years that alcohol was like a poison to my system, but I was able to hold myself together. I had no problem at all not drinking when I was pregnant and nursing my children, or when I was training for a race.
Last summer, my grandmother started going downhill with her cancer, fast. That's when suddenly I was in too much of a fog to function normally. Running has always helped me relieve anxiety and depression, but I was unable to put on my running shoes and get out the door. What I could do is open a bottle of wine, and have a glass or two while cooking dinner, and continue into the evening, when I normally would have been running. So here I am now. My life is out of control.
I want to change myself and my life, but it's so comfortable to sit here on my ass on the sofa and drink wine. Change is scary. I'm going to try my best to get myself to a meeting.
Hmmm.....I became a distance runner when I quit drinking! I now go on lots of trips and add a half marathon to the vacation. Come on back to the sober life and join me in one of the best things you can do for yourself. Being sober and running!!!
Missy/Susie, I relate to both of you. I recently got into running and I'm preparing for my first 1/2 marathon the end of August. Never could of done this or had the motivation to do it when I was drinking. Running really clears my mind and energizes me. Good to see others here run as well. Happy trails.
Rob hit the nail on the head ... the healing starts when the drinking stops. Its that simple. Not easy, but simple.
A price has to be paid.
Id highly suggest finding AA in your area. Get to a few meetings and find a same sex sponsor. Obtain a Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and read it. You and the new sponsor should work the steps in order and in a timely manner. You will find a God of your understanding and before ya know it, you're life will get better.
I used to be very athletic too. It took about 2 years sobriety and I have a fit body back again. The disease is physical mental and spiritual. When you work the program, you see improvements in all 3. At least that's been my experience.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
A little scary that you haven't posted here in the last 4 days. Did you find yourself "struck drunk" again? That would not be an unusual happening. You mustn't let it rob you of the desire to stop drinking.
Do you drink heavily and drive? That, of course, would make you a criminal. Plus, just the thought of the things that could happen when you are driving drunk simply have to keep you full of fear even when you're sober, right.
Just because the fear is subconscious, it doesn't mean it isn't there. Common sense keeps it there. One of the most wonderful things that happened to me after I joined AA was how quickly all that fear I was living with on a daily basis went away.
I think I was about six months sober, sitting in my living room with my cat in my lap at 5 a.m. when something banged on my front door. The fear shot up inside me in a horrendous fashion and then I realized the paper boy had hit the front door with the rolled up paper. As the fear went right back down, I realized that nothing had scared me like that for years. As I thought about it, I further realized that it was because I'd been running around with my fear level at near maximum as a result of the fear of being caught doing the kinds of activities I was engaging in (as a married man) when I drank and now my normal fear level was back at near zero. What a blessing!
Just a little anecdote to remind you that all the people who posted here wanting to help you get free from the need to drink (in order to "have fun,") are just a drop in the bucket of all those ready to help you if you'll start attending some AA meetings. Okay?
Love and Blessings - chuck
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You wouldn't be nearly as concerned with what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did.
Thanks for motivating me. I'm heading out to run 4 miles in the 87 degree heat.
Ah.... dreams of recapturing the past, grandiose ideas about one's own capabilities... I think you may be in the right place here.
Take it easy, there, missyj. What usually happens, at least for me, is I get suddenly motivated and set out to conquer my world. Then I burn out quickly, and am even more depressed and feel defeated. Which quickly triggers the thoughts of low self-worth. Which, if I am not working a program of recovery, would make me drink.
The first step for you is to solidify for yourself whether or not you are suffering from the disease of alcoholism. That is something only you can do, and going to meetings is probably the best way to find out quickly. If you cannot identify at all with the people in those meetings, then you may not be an alcoholic. Only one way to find out, though, and that is to actually go to a meeting and listen to them. Attending an AA meeting does not constitute an admission that you're an alcoholic. It just means that you are looking for information. The more information you have, the better - even if it means the ability to rule out alcoholism as being the problem for you.
And if you aren't, I'd still suggest taking to heart the advice to not bite off more than you can chew. Oftentimes it's hard for us to be realistic about what we're really capable of. It might help to get an outside opinion - perhaps put some goals on paper, then show them to someone you trust and see if they think you're being reasonable or not.
By surrendering to this diesase and be honest, open and willing to take some action steps, you can be relieved of the obession to drink and have a new freedom and new happiness. AA is a program of continuous action- those who do it, receive a life beyond their dreams.