Hi Tick,

Welcome, there are some truly wonderful people here... I hope you enjoy the experience...

Thank you. I have been to a few meetings

The Tick & Painchick,
WELCOME!!! It gets easier! I've been in AA for a year or so, but not consistently sober. I keep coming back in, though. Of the thousands of triggers I have passed over, I have followed about a half-dozen of them to conclusion. Each one worse than the last. Not today, though.

We're here for you. 24/7/365.

Peace,
Rob

i am so glad to meet you Tick and Carol!!!
during the course of your visits and shares, please, if something is said that you don't understand, please say so and do not get your feelings hurt.  ok?
   we are a sick bunch....  we sometimes snicker when we hear terrible things going on in recovering alcoholics lives....  because i remember when i did those things and then i discovered my part in it, it doesn't hurt as much anymore and i can even laugh about my pain and 'my bads'
hugs from jj

Hi There,

Welcome to you both, Tick and Carol...hope you will really just stay and read the board, ask all the questions you want, that is exactly how WE all got started in AA....and on the fabulous Board...

Happy you Posted, and looking forward to getting to know you both.

Hugs, Toni

Hi, Missy,

I'm in South Jersey--we're practically neighbors!

Glad to meet you and welcome!

GG

Aloha Tick and Carol....Good to have you stop in.  There is a lot of recovery experience
and wisdom in MIP and it's still free!!   We'll support your sobriety as you
come to understand. 

Glad you all are here. Stick around and help us all stay sober!

Brian

Welcome Isabella!
Glad you found us here. Couple things,maintaining your anonymity is important but you  have to weigh things out between getting help and remaining anonymous .Are there other meetings outside the area?Secondly,no one says you have to give up your friends,but you just can't drink with them ,People ,places and things are areas we have to be careful of .We have to maintain areas condusive to recovery ,especially early on.True friends will respect your decision not to drink and not drink around you.Some where along the line in recovery ,there will be substance use all around you,but "one day at a time " you can deal with that when you get there.This has to all start with admission(could be a problem)surrender(can't drink)and working on unmanageable areas in your life caused by alcohol and human shortcomings and defects of character etc..Willingness, openmindedness and honesty are all parts of arriving at a stopping point.Your disease will tell you you need me to relax.take off the edge,deal with the pain and all other lies!It will only compound any negAtive situations already going on with you.You showed up here a good beginning,stick around ,you can begin a new way of life,we have a program that can help you understand whats going on and bring you to spiritual solutions that can change your life forever.Takes work ,but your worth it!! RIGHT????

Isabella(love that name) feel free to start your own thread with your thoughts so you get the full impact of the support of the fellowship here.  Along with AA it has changed and probably saved my life.  -Angela

I am so glad I found you too. thank you for your helpful insights...this is my 2nd day sober...I will continue to read your comments.

Tonight I'am 10 days sober, I LOVE it. But I'm tired of people feeling sorry for me, I did this. My wife wants to have a glass of wine, but is scared to, as she may offend me, truth is ,I'am offended if she does,nt. I took her to the store she picked out the wine, I bought it for her. I did'nt a get bitter, I screwed up, not here. She said lets go to her favourite restaurant, you don't like the beer there. I don't wanna go there, cause I don't like the beer, I wanna go there because it's here favourite restaurant. I screwed up, no one else. Still hard for me to say it though.

Welcome, Andy!  Woo-hoo, congrats on the 10 days!  Are you going to meetings?  Hope so--it makes early sobriety much easier--and later sobriety much more satisfying.

I strongly suggest that your wife try Al-Anon meetings.  I was in Al-Anon for a few years and I found it VERY helpful in living with an alcoholic, whether sober or not.  She will soon learn that what she does (or doesn't do) has relatively little to do with whether you drink or not. 

By the same token, though, the people I lived with (and, if I were living with anyone now, I'd feel the same) appreciated my not drinking around them in early sobriety.  I don't think dining with a partner who is having a glass or two of wine is likely to be terribly problematic (though only you would know how much of a trigger that would be for you), but going to the store to buy it for someone else, eh, I think I'd be a little cautious around that.  Bottom line is that you need to figure out what situations might make you want to drink, and avoid those until you are a bit further along in your recovery.  I think I'd err on the side of caution until you are feeling pretty solid.  What you want to avoid are those slippery places where you can wind up with a drink in your hand hardly knowing how it happened.  After you've been in recovery for awhile, you will probably find you can be around drinking without its posing a problem.

-- Edited by Isabella on Friday 9th of July 2010 09:52:15 AM

Good, glad to hear it.  I think recovery is easier for both people when they are both working their own program.  Believe me, the non-alcoholic gets pretty nutso from living with someone who is.  Just relax, don't worry about being the "pink elephant"--if you each concentrate on your own issues instead of worrying excessively what the other is doing/thinking, you will both start to heal, and your relationship will be better than ever.

I suggest trying lots of different meetings.  Every group has its own "flavor" and you will probably find some that suit you more than others.  Still, even the ones that aren't exactly your cup of tea can be helpful if you keep an open mind, listen, try to identify with the feelings expressed even if your story is different from someone else's. 

I went to 90 meetings in my first 90 days.  It sounds like a lot until you consider how much time you probably spent drinking or recovering from drinking.  It's good for getting yourself really focused on your recovery.

Hey Andy!  its early man and thats the "monster" talking(might as well have a beer..Thats what we do as alcoholics,we look for ways and means of getting and using again.There will be plenty of resentments from both sides of the coin as "trust has to be earned" I also attend Naranon,for my son 24 years old,hard core Heroin abuser ,now in recovery,but there are many areas of healing that will take years of work and rebuilding that trust between us... The best thing you can do is really work a program,our solution,the 12 steps worked with a sponsor and staying comnnected with people in recovery in and out of the rooms, Remember your wife is also now working recovery and its a process not an event.Resentments,lack of communication are big areas that can push us back out again.One day at a time,you are responsible for your recovery,really want it,don't just talk it live it.These are just suggestions that have helped me continue moving forward in life after 25 years of devastation before I surrendered. congrats on 10 days, the spiritual principles of the program will not only kep you arrested from drinking again but they will show you a "new way of life" better than the one before you even picked up.I firmly believe that and continue to work daily ,living the process...nice meeting you peace;let us know how its going.....

Isabella, congrats on the five days.  I hope you are getting to meetings--it will help a lot when things get tough (and they will--it's called "life on life's terms").

Andy, Mike is right on the money.  I like how he put it, "recovery is a process, not an event."  Our loved ones listened to all kinds of promises before, and some of them we sincerely meant when we made them but we couldn't stick to them.  As you will learn, your drinking caused all kinds of damage to your relationships with others--especially to those closest to you.  As you both learn to let go of your resentments you will heal--both of you.

But it takes time, and work.  It won't happen overnight, or even over a few weeks, though it will start to improve.  And Al-Anons also experience "slips" in early recovery just as alcoholics sometimes do.  Something will trigger a partner and all of a sudden they will become resentful, controlling, all those things that they became in order to deal with living with an alcoholic where life is never what it seems to be. 

Trust will return as your recovery proceeds.  Try to cut each other some slack and make allowances for the fact that each of you are works in progress.  You are responsible for your own recovery, and she is responsible for hers.  Try to be kind and understanding toward each other in the meantime.

I remember that when my first H (now sober 30 years) was a few months into his recovery, he got all upset about something or other (forget now what it was), and I told him I was going for a walk, and that he should call his sponsor.  I knew that I was helpless to help him through his feelings at that moment, and I turned him over to someone in a better position to do that.  I went out for my walk, he called his sponsor, and he later said that was exactly what he needed to do.  I tried to keep my nose out of his program, other than supporting it as I could.  I had to learn that.  It didn't come naturally--I always figured I could fix other people.

Go to meetings, get a sponsor if you don't have one, and don't drink.

Wow, thank you Tick for the topic. Its great to hear from all the newcomers.  I am new to this site-first time. I have about 10 1/2 months sober, but I had been working on it for the past two years.

When I first went to meetings, I was fearful of who I would run in to, therefore, like many others ( I had read on another posting), I travelled far out of town ( but was still nervous).  I went to many different places and was open to suggestions. I met great people. I can honestly say, I dont recall a lot of what was said at first. I listened and reflected.   I know I felt a big sense of relief immediately upon hearing so many other stories like mine.  I realized I was not crazy, that there was a way out, and that I did not have to resort to shooting myself to stop the insanity in my head, and the fear of discovery. 

I feel like I dont know enough to share much, but I would like to say I was able to find a great homegroup, Morganville, where was unconditionally welcomed.  Because of that I just kept going back. Its out in the middle of nowhere, and that was perfect.  I know the fear of going to a meeting and being found out by my employers and the people I work with.  Being new to sobriety, and not having a lot of other outside support, the last thing I wanted was more trouble with the job.   I feel I made the right decision by keeping it a private issue.  However I also think it was tremendously helpful for me to get out to meetings, feel sincere compassion, and know that the members were pleased to see me return, so I kept going back.

As a noobie, all I can say is make a goal, mine was 10 days, next is 14 days. Dont say right i'm going for 30 days. Baby steps, thats all I can say. I found my new drink today, Diet coke with a twist of Lemon. The worst thing for me is, people will keep reminding me, "is it ok if i drink in front of you" smile, giggle and say why would'nt it be. I reach 14 days on wednesday, then I will go for 21. So make yourself a small goal and go for it.

Just Andy

Welcome to all of you!  Isabella, I also work in a bar 4 nights a week hosting karaoke.  By working this program and going to meetings, I've been able to stay sober in spite of that, for 17 months now.  We do this together, don't forget that and then try to do it on your own!  You may succeed for a time, but eventually it will catch up with you.  And even if it doesn't, you'll probably end up being pretty unhappy in your sobriety.  At least, that's what I've heard in meetings from others who tried to do it on their own.

Welcome to all of the Newcomers!!! This brings so much joy in my heart to see new people come in and try to stay sober "one day at a time". Keep Coming Back!

Welcome, Pam!

Glad you're here, ears and all. 

Congrats on your recent anniversary!

I go to meetings, but I like the "online thingy" as well--like having a marathon meeting you can drop into anytime.

31 days today. Don't miss it at all. going for 60.