Need advice. My daughter is engaged to a guy living in London. His parents are in France and want to meet her. She is 7 months sober and clean. He has told her that his family would consider it an insult if he doesn't have a drink with them. Of course she can't drink they are in there 70's and don't seem to understand anything about alcoholism. They know she can't drink but he is worried they will be offended. OMG i just want to tell her to hell with these people this is her LIFE. I am to close to this situation need some much needed advice. Didn't realize there were going to be so many cultural differences. She doesn't even want to go at this point but he said if she doesn't meet them they may never talk to him again. Does this all sound insane or is it just me???? What is wrong with these people??
I would leave it to her, she will do the right thing if her sobriety is the most important thing in her life, she can meet them in a cafe and "have a drink" they don't need to know her drink is non-alcoholic, and if it is at their house, all she has to say is "I am allergic to alcohol", she doesn't need to add anything else, like "it makes me wake up with people not your son"
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Hey Sarge I agree,it will be her call and her connection to her sobriety will ring true.I have been drinking ginger ale at weddings for over 25 years as they toast the bride and groom,no biggie for me,,,,,,.I would probably be more concerned that the husband to be, is "twitching cause the family may be upset?what about the bride who could go off the bridge..just my stuff....ART LINKLETTER had a great show when I was a kid,called PEOPLE ARE FUNNY! aint that the truth...thanks for sharing.....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Me to I am wondering what he is thinking? Thanks for sharing. She is having a small wedding non alcoholic. They won't be able to come because they live in France.
In theory it's not my problem but in reality it is.
How so?
Is she under 18?
you wrote:
i just want to tell her to hell with these people this is her LIFE.
Exactly
It's her life, her and her fiance's
What exactly have they done wrong?
He has told her that his family would consider it an insult if he doesn't have a drink with them.
Is he sober? him having a drink with his family is his business. They KNOW she doesn't drink.
Your son in law has some possible theories about possible events but thus far they have done nothing, they aren't holding her down and like pouring cheap red table wine down her throat, as a matter of fact as of this moment, according to you they have done nothing wrong, but they might.
They know she can't drink but he is worried they will be offended.
by what? according to you they know she doesn't drink alcohol, what do they have to be offended about if she has a cup of tea with them?
SO you are catastrophizing about a possible theoretical future event based on theoretical hearsay of an event that hasn't even happened and in all likelihood won't even happen since they know she can't drink, but because the fiance is "worried" about something that hasn't even happened and in all likelihood won't even happen you decided to pick up the ball and run with it and now you are wondering what is wrong with THOSE people?
Rob is right
Nacho problem, and in all likelihood is an non issue that doesn't even exist and if it does it your daughter that has to walk through it anyway
What is wrong with these people??
Thus far nothing since they haven't done anything other then inside you and your future son in laws minds, I'd wait for actual events to occur before passing judgment or bringing in the sky is falling specialists on this one
-- Edited by AGO on Tuesday 29th of June 2010 06:52:44 PM
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Sarge, I'm sure that you've said all that there is to say (and then some lol). It is what it is and she'll do what she thinks that she'll need to do. Once you accept your powerlessness over this, you'll feel better about it.
When I was in France there were French people who didn't drink. I particularly remember one woman who didn't and suspected at the time that she was "recovering." Although, wine is certainly part of their culture, so is bread! Hope your daughter makes out o.k. with this whole deal.
Tell her to say "In my family, everyone gets to smack the parents of groom prior to the wedding and I will be offended if you don't let me smack you!" See how much respect they really have for customs then :)
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