Help-I do not know how to be apart of the human race

angelov8 · MIP Old Timer

Help-I do not know how to be apart of the human race

SUSIE · Senior Member

Pray.

ljc · MIP Old Timer

I didnt either when I first got sober. I lived one day at a time without drinking . I prayed, I read the daily readings and did the best I could to apply them to me, I shared how I was feeling with my sponsor and listened to her guidance and applied that as well.

I went to meetings, I tried to help others.

Eventually I have become a responsible, decent, emotionally sober human being.

It takes practice, it takes time ( which means ... things I must earn ) it takes the willingness to be changed in my thinking and behaviors.

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Good Morning angelov8 -

Have you been reading "The Daily Reflections"? Rough stuff huh? I know. But... We don't beat ourselves up either. I was in that space not long ago. What I have to do is be honest with me about me and then try, with the help of others, to change those things. May not happen, for me, over night and sometimes those things my not be removed when I'd like, but things do get better if I'm doing my part.

Hang in there smile

Toad · Senior Member

Hi,
When I feel that way, sometimes I can recognize the fact of " I am comparing my insides with others outsides ". On occasion I then realize I really do not want to be part of some parts of the human race. I just would not fit right. I have my own unique experience.
I fit best with people who know the pain of to much tenderness.
That is a fine place to be.
Funny , I feel you fit well in my world.
Wayne

Just Toni · MIP Old Timer

Hi My Precious Friend,

Well you are a part of my human race, you are so full of kindness and caring and being loving......

I have my moments of feeling like that at times, like I live in a rather hostile world, but I always catch myself right away, and go look in the bathroom mirror, and Ask God of my Understanding to remove my OWN hostile feelings, (the true source), and watch in the next few hours how it just evaporates.....

Angela, I really cannot speak for the normies in this world, but your Post title took me instantly to the reasons I drank all those years, so I could be part of the human race, just could not get there without the drinking, and in time it took so much more alcohol to get there, hence, the alcoholic that was my best friend for so many years, turned into my enemy and came so damn close to putting my underground.....

In Silence, going to God, using some calming methods in breathing meditations..... today helps me....get back on track.....

Active Prayer, learned how to do that when going thru a horrendous trial for years, I could see people's lips moving, and watched them move around, but my head was in Constant Prayer....

You've been through the steps, and have a great sponsor...

Angela, it was just last night that I was thinking a lot about the two steps, that never stop.......and when they do, I get busy again with them.....Step 11, and Step 12.

All we have to do is not drink in the next 24 hours, and be sure that this feeling of yours, if you make a commitment to stay with it, (well if it has not left by now..:) There is a commitment and a Promise that it WILL turn into a different feeling.......hopefully a better one.

I just send you a big wrap my arms around you cyber hug, and we can and will get through this together, Only with the Grace of God, if we turn to HIM and plead for help....that has never failed for me.

Your California buddy,

Tonicakes

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Angelov,
This to shall pass- it will get better. What I know today is I don't have to fit into the human race on all occassions. I accept that I'm mentally and bodily different from my fellows. But I also know by living a spiritual life I'm comfortable in most situations. I feel someone that lives a spiritual life is healtier in many ways than normies. Just my opinion... Not update for a debate.

When I feel this way, chances are I'm thinking too much about myself. Surprise, surprise............ disbelief Self Centeredness is the root of all our problems. My way out of this is to boost my program and see if I can be helpful to someone else, so I can get out of my head. What I do:

Pray, Meetings(be more open and talk), talk with my sponsor and go through the steps and see what I can ID to change. Do you have sponsee's? My core group always reminds me that God will put people into our lives when we most need them... smile

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

An early sponsor gave me permission to step out of the race at any time if I wished
and relax and watch it go by for a while and do something for balance and serenity.
It's not exactly hiding and isolating it's more like sitting on the sidelines building up
strength and recovery for when I decided to get back in. Going to meetings and
sitting quiet and listening along with reading program literature and quiet simple
prayer and meditation works for me along with no expectations and judgements
of anything or person including myself. Most times when I was running the race
in the past I was going in the opposite direction...great awareness for sitting it
out.

(((((hugs)))))

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi Angelov, I felt the same way in early sobriety. I was so accustomed to being sedated when associating with others that I didn't know how to do it sober. Ditto for most other things that I had to do regularly. That's why we have to learn how to do almost everything over again Sober. The AA fellowship is great for learning how to socially interact but you must get involved to take advantage of this. I also got a great deal (huge amount) of help with these issues in Codependents Anon. We spend so much time people pleasing, trying to take care of others and expecting others to take care of us that we wind up victimizing ourselves over it. "Normal" people are repelled by this kind of behavior and it is odd to them. Until we learn how to get out of those type of behaviors, it is going to be hard to interact with others and feel "normal".

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Angela, you're speaking my language. From my earliest memories, I never felt part of this human race. The booze (read poison) numbed that for a bit...until that just became a slow, painful death.

My HP and the friendships I'm making in AA are helping me come back to life, slowly. I'm optimistic that as I continue to work this program, my HP will introduce me, gently, to the human race.

Good sober day to you and all...

Steve

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Angela,
If it was me...
I wouldn't try. I'd Take some time, if I could, and get out in the wilds and just try to figure out how to be a human animal. Solitude. Journaling. Listening. Trapping and fishing food.

If I was so removed from my humanity that all I saw in smiles was snarls and I heard in conversation was "I want from you...I want from you." I'd say "f*ck it and go Kazinsky it for two month in a tent somewhere...in cell range...with a solar charger. No sense getting all off-the-deep-end.

When I've had enouph of the human freaking race I abandon them their own sordid, slippery and twisted versions of what's right and wrong.

Then...I come back a functional human who sees my fellow animals as members of my tribe...not competitors.

Peace,
Rob

janet · Senior Member

angelov8 wrote:

Help

Angel, sign up and join the club...LOL. I never quite felt I fit. Never!

I simply did not know how to live...let alone be a part of the human race. Although, I am forced to go thru the motions at times...I never have felt normal/average,whatever that is.
I have a friend who does not smoke or drink and never has. Her thing is church. Well, her Church has a new thing called "Celebrate Recovery" ran by all these (I'm sure) well meaning church folks. She has tried her best to get me to get involved with her church and I simply do not feel right about it. The only place I told her I felt at home was in AA. Besides I tried that church thing as a kid, where I felt I never fit. She almost got mad at me for saying I preferred AA to Church. Well, I cannot help that. I refuse to delve head first into the world of regular people forgeting from where I come. I need much more sobriety under my belt before I commit to anything outside of AA. And then I am not sure I'd want involvement with too much normy stuff.
I meditate. At times...I feel like if I stuck out my arm to others...I may just draw back a stub. It is times like that that, I talk about it with other people in AA and try to gain perspective...on the thing.
When I feel I do not know how to be a part of the human race...I understand it is just a feeling and feelings are not necessarily facts.

biggrin
janet

-- Edited by janet on Wednesday 16th of June 2010 05:00:22 PM

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

I understand it is just a feeling and feelings are not necessarily facts.

janet

_________

Thank you Janet. I needed that reminder this morning!

angelov8 · MIP Old Timer

SUSIE wrote:

Pray.

Susie this is probably the most appropriate answer considering that I was consciously not praying and ending up drinking.

Thank you all for recognizing the pain in this post. Thanks for your prayers.