Awww Tokengirl .. Im so sorry you are having this trouble.

I can relate tho to what you are sharing. It has happened to me in the past too.
I shared with my sponsor what was going on and she encouraged me to never give up and to look for different meetings as well.
She also reminded me that not everybody in AA is well. When I encounter ppl like this Im to remember that they too may be suffering with their own lives in one way or another and maybe they just dont feel like reaching out.

You seem to have the right attitude and you are praying that God put the right women in your path to help you along this journey. Stay confident that He will do this .

Thanks tokengirl, can relate. I love my home group but I wouldn't say that right now that I see anyone in it outside of meetings. But that said, they're all my friends and I have friends all over the world!

I guess that you could say that just getting to meetings is enriching to me right now and I'm not ready yet for friendships outside of the rooms. When I came into AA for real, I literally had no friends. I had some close acquaintances from work. Other than that it was just the people I would drink with in the pubs, who in the end, couldn't give a damn. I had no other social outlets outside of the pubs -- none.

I suspect that what AA is doing/will do for me is equip me, in due course, to develop normal relationships outside of the rooms. I believe today that my HP is allowing me to develop as a functioning, non-drinking person (I won't use the word normal ;) ), based upon what I'm learning in the rooms, before I go in that direction.

In the meantime, I can do is keep coming back.

Steve

Keep at it token girl,sometimes different groups can change things up.Have you jus ever come out and shared how you feel'Like ,lately everyone I been feeling isolated,hard to get others in my support group etc....Sometimes,you would think they would,but people just overlook things unless it is mentioned.I ouldn;t be surprised if someone came up to you after a meeting and said,listen im around if you want to talk etc... Sometimes people listen more attentively when you are directly sharing..hang in there.

I don't usually try to give advice, and I don't know your situation... but I do have a sense of familiarity with what you are describing.  And I may be all wet but the first thought that came to me is "Get away from that clubhouse!"

AA clubhouses are a lifeline for many of us, providing daily meetings and a safe haven walk-in for newcomers.  My first meeting was at a clubhouse.  Or "meeting center".  Or "Alano Club", they go by many names.  Clubhouses are also the pick-up bars of AA, and cliques, jealousy run rampant.  Many oldtimers do attend clubhouse meetings, and hang out in between the meetings - but depends on where.

My sponsor in his wisdom *immediately* told me to get a home group, and suggested one (his, of course).  That home group is still my home group today.  I still attend other meetings, as well as hang out at the clubhouse.  But I don't depend on the clubhouse for all of my AA.  It's compelling if you're young and good looking...LOL.  I was once young but never good looking.  I've seen the good looking (male and female) become clubhouse princes and princesses, and some rise above it and attain some long term sobriety, but often they get tangled up in relationships, jealousy, and resentments and their recovery revolves around the clubhouse clique and gossip.  When that ship runs aground, when the clique lets them down - as all human endeavors eventually do - where do you turn?

The clubhouse for me filled the gaps, but it was my home group that brought me back to earth every time.  Not to say home groups can't suffer the same afflictions as a clubhouse, but - established groups (including those that just happen to meet in clubhouses) are usually better at sticking to the traditions and the primary purpose than "at large" clubhouse meetings.

So take it just as a suggestion, I don't really know the situation, you may not be in a clubhouse environment at all.    But it breaks my heart to see how young, attractive females get treated in their early days of AA sometimes.  The guys hit on them, the other women avoid them like the plague.  I was greatful to be a dorky looking fat guy when I came to my first meeting because I knew that those who talked to me and gave me my first dose of the program didn't want anything from me... at all.  They said they were passing it on, because it was what they needed to do to stay sober, and you know what?  I believed them.

Barisax

TOKENGIRL
I have felt like that too. Part of me wants to isolate a lot. I moved cities a while back and that was hard cause a different aa culture and no aa friends.
The ONLY thing i have found helps me feel more a part of the fellowship is doing service.
My sponsor is telling me recently to do more service also and i dont want to haha but i KNOW it helps me.

If you arent already maybe turning up 5 mins early of a meeting to help put teh chairs out or make tea, or staying after to help clean up teh things, dishes, chairs. It helps me, it is a time when people talk a lot to each other while doing those things. It realyl does help.

Doing service positions would help even more. You get to be part of the group in the centre. Whats that saying it goes like aa is a life boat and when you do service you are in the middle of the lifeboat not on the side.

I should take my own advice cause i have a sponsor who is lovely but not many aa friends now. And hes telling me to do more service. Do you have a sponsor? mine is i consider a friend. Maybe you can ask someone to be a temporary one while you look for one?


-- Edited by slugcat on Tuesday 15th of June 2010 06:24:35 AM