if i had a dog, he'd be cowering under the table just now.
my life has been manic the past 2 weeks. I've been working too many hours, not getting enough meetings, forcing myself to do things and go places for all the wrong reasons, not getting enough sleep, not talking to enough normal (i.e.Alkie) people and been isolating. In that chronological order. One thing leads to another.
So yesterday - although it came as the culmination of a succesful week and I managed to get a meeting the night before - when the woodhead pass was closed and I had to take a 20 mile detour, brother, it wus the end of the world as we know it AND it was a personal insult directed solely at ME! and i put 3 lbs on in 2 weeks! Bastarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd!
My son failed his driving test again - shame as he has just bought a car and can't get another test for 2 months - but it really affected me badly, took ages to realise that there is shag all I can do about it.
There's the threat of industrial action by the engineers at work and as a manager I'm being told to do things which go against my principles (but shit, principles don't pay the rent do they?) - I got every sympathy with the engineers union who were promisd a decent pay rise this year if they accept pay restraint last year - the pay offer is shit, the company's position is weak and they are playing all sorts of bad cards to try to worm their way out of last years agreement. Now we're told that there may be a blanket cancellation of all managers leave in the 2nd and third quarter of the year and all field managers go on 24 hour call out.
But at least my Boss has just asked if we can lose one man and I could demonstrate through my ongoing resource management that we are actually one man short.
The dog has just crept out from under the table and is licking my face again. thanks for listening.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Thanks Bill. You are doing a hell of a lot better than I. And a lot better than some. Gained a little weight? At least you are not rapidly losing it due to inner turmoil. You still have a job, today, and a position of authority there. You have your own driver's license regardless of your son's license status. And your dog is there to validate that you are in a good sober place.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Bill, glad you feel better after getting those things off your chest. Life is hard sometimes, and sometimes my emotions get the best of me, too, esp when things around me are all wonky. It sounds like you are a positive force at your job, even if things are tough there. Same for your son - shit, you actually care about him, huh? I like Joni's perspective too.
And you make me wonder, what about my virtual elephant?
Good to hear that your serenity is still intact...if a bit frayed around the edges. Yer a good man and I'm proud to know you.
My dog no longer fears me unless I bark in the proper sharp tone. When I drank...he feared me. Now he respects me as one of his pack superiors. It's a muggy midwestern day and he's twice licked the sweat from my shaven head. Wife thinks it's gross. I find it cooling. Dog likes the salt. I won't pretend it's affection...my skull is a treat.
Hey Bill, sorry things have not been exactly as you would have them be lately. Its a bummer I know. Sometimes our lives throw us curve balls and its so easy to get frustrated and discouraged when we dont 'catch' them the way we think we should.
Over the past 2 wks I myself have been dealing with alot of .... me - allowing other ppl to push my buttons and mess with my head. Ive made mountains out of molehills and cried and prayed and cried and prayed some more.
Probably one of my biggest complaints these last couple weeks is why cant ppl show up when they say they are going to ? Why dont ppl return phone calls or emails ? What has happened to the work forces work ethics ??? grrrrrrr. I am so tired of waiting for ppl to show up when they say they will be here. they dont call, they dont show up.
One thing that I am trying to do is look for the silver lining in the cloud that seems to be hanging over my head currently. I need to discipline myself to get back in the bb and read pages 84-88 and apply what Im reading to me ! ( very important stuff in those pages ).
I remember so often hearing in meetings ( and still do sometimes ) that we are suppose to keep coming back cuz' it gets better. Well, I dont always necessarily agree with that. Cuz ... IT doesnt always get better. I get better. I learn how to deal with the crap and crud and disappointments that seemed to force me to get drunk.
Im going to bed sober tonite. I asked God this morning to 'please dont let me pick up a drink today'. I read some daily readings, I stay in touch with AA on the internet here, I talked to a sponsee. I also didnt eat right today, I ate some junk food, I didnt drink enough water. I went to the casino and lost 50 bucks in less than an hour. I blew off some paperwork that should have been done today. I forgot to tell my husband that I love him.
See .. Im far from doing everything that I know I should or shouldnt do. But - I got thru another day without getting drunk. And that only came about cuz of ppl like You who share that they dont particularly like dealing with life at times, the Grace of God, the program of AA and my desire to continue to strive to be a decent human being.
btw ... I have a dog. His name is Charlie. And someday I hope to the person that Charlie really thinks I am
