My name is patrick i'm recently 21, i've been drinking heavily since I was put in rehab at 15 for marijuana possession. I feel like I drink alot, but a week ago a girl i've been seeing on and off for 2 years told me the only time i'm not drunk is when im in bed hungover (she has never seen me sober in 2 years). When I graduated highschool my mom was sick of me so I left, I got a decent job and was out on my own for a year. Had an awful relationship and handled it like all my prior ones once it was over, drank drank drank. Drank so damn much, i thought it was normal to run out of money and spend my last $50 on 5 boxes of wine so I could at least stay drunk....did that for a while and then I ended up moving out of my apartment and staying at friends. 2 Weeks later I quit my job that I'd had for a year, dropped out of college. Anyways worked for a while after that and was fired for coming into work all hungover and still drunk (i didnt start work till 3, i drank till 8 am the night before)
Anyways that was a year ago and ive been drinking almost daily since. I don't ever want to drink again, but when the sun comes up in the morning and I walk outside all I can do is get a 40 to start my day. I'm getting back into college this summer because I know I'm going to die if I don't find something to inspire me to give this world a second chance. I'm sick of people saying im a drunk, family friends since I was 5 told one of my buddies that "oh yeah we know patrick too, we havn't seen him lately because he's on some life long drinking binge". My mom hates me and I'm living with her to help pay her mortgage. I told her when I was 17 I was an alcoholic and I needed inpatient treatment, she said too bad. I've been to an AA meeting once in my life and it was the scariest thing I've ever done and I've been in some real scary situations. I want to go to the beach tomorrow, but there's like 40 places that sell alcohol along the way and its only 3 miles away!
Anyways sorry for venting I guess I just needed to write that down so I could give myself some motivation. I don't "have" to drink when I'm alone anymore, but I cannot even go ANYWHERE other than the store without being drunk (unless im back to the store for more booze). Bah humbug.
So glad you wrote on here. You are in the right place. You are going in the right direction...."I don't want to ever drink again" You don't have to. Try an AA meeting again. Sit, listen and drink coffee... you don't have to do any more then that. Stay after for a few ...... I bet someone will come up and introduce themselves. You are young and you have a awesome life ahead of you. Surround yourself with people like you who understand you. I cant tell you how wonderful you will feel. You have nothing to lose!! Good Luck Patty Cakes. Patty cake, patty cake.......better man??
Google "Big Book Online" and just read the first several chapters. It helped me get started sober and today makes 6 months. Good luck and "Keep coming back!"
Welcome Patrick. It is good that you shared so honestly about your problem. The first time I got honest about my problem, I got better. That was 22 years ago. I was 28 years old and I just got straight into the program. I was not a bad person. I was just sickened by a chemical, over which I had no control over. We have a way out and that is through the 12 steps of recovery. Go to an AA meeting, get yourself a sponsor and start working the program and you will definitely get well.
Hello Patrick, and welcome to Miracles in Progress. You are among friends who really do understand, and WANT to help. I can relate to so much of what you are saying...I've been there.
It's encouraging to hear you say you don't want to ever drink again. As simple and crazy as this sounds, you DON'T have to. Try and remember that the "ever" that we talk about here is just today...or just this minute, one day at a time. It took me a long time and a hard low bottom (strapped to a bed on suicide watch in a psych ward) to finally grasp this "one day at a time" concept. Thank God AA was there to help me when I couldn't help myself.
I remember the feeling of absolutely having to have that first drink in the morning. There was simply no option. What a horrible, sinking, depressing feeling it is to know that the only thing that can help us is the one thing that is KILLING us. After lost family, jobs, cars, and houses that feeling took me to what I thought would be the very end...suicide. There must have been a power greater than myself that wasn't ready to let that happen, because after 3 failed attempts three weekends in a row, here I am 14 months later, sober, happy, and FREE.
There IS a solution, and it really is possible to be free from the bondage of alcohol. It sounds to me like you've already accepted that your an alcoholic, and are starting to really believe that it's making your life un-manageable. That's step one, and it's the only one we have to do perfectly. I urge you to find some AA meetings as soon as you can. I know it's scary but you are not alone there, and you will find the support you need.
It's exactly like what gonee said...we are not bad people, we are people with a bad disease that only gets worse with time. Believe it or not, today I am grateful that I'm a recovering alcoholic. It's given me a whole brand new life...one that I always dreamed of having before I gave up the booze. Give yourself a break, and just don't drink for today, or one hour, or one minute...whatever it takes. We are here to listen and share our experiences with you, so keep coming back.
My prayers are with you through these tough times.
patty cakes wrote:I've been to an AA meeting once in my life and it was the scariest thing I've ever done and I've been in some real scary situations.
perhaps is not as scary as:
I want to go to the beach tomorrow, but there's like 40 places that sell alcohol along the way and its only 3 miles away!
Scary is relative. I was scared to go to my first AA meeting, of course I was. I had no idea what was going to happen. I thought maybe my drinking was out of control, and maybe I'd learn how to control it. They said don't drink, and come back tomorrow. So I did that. And then I did it again. And again.
Life has hit me with some pretty scary things along the way, but AA meetings have always been safe haven, no matter what.
Hello Patrick, and welcome to the board. There's a lot of awesome caring folks here. Your story sounds a lot like mine, except I never made it thru high school. I began drinking at 8 years old, smoking dope at 11, lsd at 13, coke at 15 and full blown teen age alcoholic then. Attended my first AA meeting at 15, second at 16, and a couple more at 17, 18. Tried and did quit drinking on my own for several months at a time but didn't have serous thoughts of quitting for good until my son was born, I was 27 at that time. I attended AA regularly, but didn't try very hard, work the steps or use a sponsor for the first 2 years. Then at age 29, a series of unfortunate incidents occured (charged with two DUIs, divorce, lost job, best friend OD'd...) and I was ready to be sober. At that point it became my life's mission to stay sober and honestly, that's what it takes. 21 years later, it's been an incredible ride and if I died tomorrow I'd have no regrets because my life after sobriety has been awesome and wonderful. Really other words can describe how good. I could talk about personal accomplishments and material things but that's really not that point as you can be very unhappy with all of those things, but the two thing that I've been extremely happy about are being self employed the whole time that I've been sober, the freedom that that's afforded me, and being very happily married to my wonderful wife. Both of those are gifts of sobriety and impossible without same. Stick around and get your courage up to give AA another shot. We suggest attending 90 meetings in 90 days without reservation, just do it. What do you have to lose? If you're in (or close to) a metro area, find an AA club or two and go to as many meetings as you can there. This will help you to get to know people quicker (and for them to get to know you). It's the "Fellowship" that's important in AA, just as it is here. Good luck in your new journey my friend.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 7th of June 2010 06:40:09 PM
Welcome Patrick! This is a good place to vent. The first 24 hours are hard and I hope you're on your way to another 24-hours. AA may be right for you. If you start to feel sick, please seek medical attention. We're here for you, Friend.
