Denial is a powerful tool. Never underestimate its ability to cloud your vision.
Be aware that, for many reasons, we have become experts at using this tool to make reality more tolerable. We have learned well how to stop the pain caused by reality - not by changing our circumstances, but by pretending our circumstances are something other than what they are.
Do not be too hard on yourself. While one part of you was busy creating a fantasy reality, the other part went to work on accepting the truth.
Now, it is time to find courage. Face the truth. Let it sink gently in.
When we can do that, we will be moved forward.
God, give me the courage and strength to see clearly.
"This great misfortune -- to be incapable of solitude." --Jean de la Bruyere
Today I am able to live with my loneliness. I know the difference between being "alone" and being "lonely" -- and even in sobriety I experience loneliness. But today I can live with it.
When I was drinking, I had an overwhelming feeling of being lost and isolated; today it is tolerable. I can live with it. It is part of being "imperfect". I am not God.
The reality of spirituality demands that I do not escape into a fantasy that denies my feelings of loneliness. It is part of my journey towards God. I will never appreciate perfect happiness until I rest in God. This I accept. In sobriety I have many days of happiness and moments of joy --- but I am, at times, lonely -- with feelings of being lost. Today I can accept this -- and talk about it.
I accept that part of me will be forever lost until I rest in God.
