I try to mostly work on my own honesty, and not obsess over others - i.e., is this person being honest or not. I found that in working with alcoholics, it's not really all that important to try and guess at everything they say and decide if it's true or not. The message is the same, my duty to pass on my experience, strength and hope remains the same.
But it is astonishing sometimes. Reading some of the recent posts from people whose A has recently relapsed, the things they say. I mean we're talking people who have been around AA and maybe had a period of sobriety. They know the drill, and yet when they come back to AA they are full of excuses. Their reasons for the relapse seem terribly important, and it's terribly important that they convey them as if that will somehow make any difference in the recovery. But the only thing needed for recovery is willingness and *self* honesty. I figure if a person is telling me BS, there's no merit in calling him out on it even if I know for a fact it's not true. Alcoholics love to argue, and they love to change the rules.
Of course there is little to say to a wet drunk. Whether you're a fellow AA, or a concerned friend or family member, it's pretty much a waste of breath. Just as the alcoholic's words are quack-quack, blah-blah, wa-wah... when we try to talk to them when they are under the influence, that's all THEY hear.
My recently deceased friend was a classic case. After many years of sobriety, he drifted away from meetings, became obsessed with work and other pursuits, and eventually began drinking again and very quickly isolated himself. Everyone I knew who was in contact with him in his final months said he told a different story about how, when, why he had gone back out. It seemed to be terribly important what people - even fellow AAs - thought of him.
All of us who knew and loved him would have been overjoyed to have him walk back through the doors into a meeting. We wouldn't care what the story was. He never made it. Pride finished him off first. Been a month now, and it still hurts.
Hi Barisax, Thanks for the post. I just had another relapse :( It is always the same no matter what. I get addicted to something else, work, food etc...... It becomes an obsession and I quit going to meetings, working with a sponsor and doing the steps. That's the plain truth of it. I can put the blame anywhere I want, the bottom line is that I lost my connection with my HP when I stopped being involved with the Fellowship of AA. Once I lost that spititual connection when life got hard I forgot where to look for help. God did for me what I could not do for myself. I relapsed and ended up right back where I am supposed to be. If I hadn't relapsed I would have continued to be the misserible SOB I was turning into. He always takes care of me, no matter how far I stray. Thanks for helping me get really honest and not blame the job, the family, the financial situation. I have only myself to blame, now I have to get back to work.
-- Edited by jazzyblue on Thursday 27th of May 2010 04:10:04 PM
There is no justifiable reason for a alcoholic to pick up the first drink.
The only "honest" reason for relapse is they got back into "self" the root of our problem, which is why their reasons for relapse are so important....out of God's will, out of service, out of the third step, then you can't do any of the other steps.
If the alcoholic gets back into the alcoholic (himself)(self will run riot), nothing good can happen.
But for the grace of God, here go I.
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
