Disclaimer: This is not my writing but it is interesting and as an Alcoholic I can identify with it.
Larry, -------------------
The Alcoholic And Isolation
Many alcoholics become what we call solitary drinkers. They can't stand to be around most other people, and their drinking is done primarily when they're alone. It's not unusual for this type of alcoholic to go from nine to five in a fairly normal fashion like most people, but then go home and drink themselves into unconsciousness on a regular basis. Weekends and holidays for this type of alcoholic will find them holed up inside, with only the odd trip outside to buy more alcohol. This isolationism is generally progressive, meaning that they become more and more isolated as time goes on. This type of alcoholic takes comfort in what we call at All Positive Options, the familiar. For some alcoholics, nothing is more enjoyable to watch on television than something they've seen ten times before.
Hi, OUCH !!!!!!!!! So now I know" For some alcoholics, nothing is more enjoyable to watch on television than something they've seen ten times before. " That information kind of unsettled me a bit when I read it. Well , something about a life long journey. Thank's for the post. Wayne
I did much of my drinking in isolation and in the final year, almost all of it. I think it was a natural tendency for me anyway. When I was a kid I'd skip school just so I could be alone, so I rarely got in trouble because I wasn't out with my buddies causing trouble. Sometimes I'd be skipping my classes, but actually I'd be in the school library in some back corner reading. Drinking initially made me more sociable, but social drinking usually led to trouble and I wound up avoiding that too. If I ever got in any trouble or got a DUI, that would mean I was an alcoholic, so I managed to skirt that definition a bit longer by staying at home.
But it was the deeping rut of isolation that gnawed on me and made me realize something wasn't right. I still enjoyed my drinking, but I didn't enjoy anything else. My world was shrinking... once I got the beer out, I didn't venture beyond my comfortable chair, the headphones on the stereo, and the bathroom.
I guess I am what you could call a shy extrovert. I'm basically shy and if you look at my childhood, I was always very shy around other kids but around adults, I could be a real showoff. The showoff behavior was my defense against basic shyness - make sense? Alcohol brought out the showoff in me and wiped out any feelings of shyness.
Sober, I am still a lot the same, but it really depends on who you ask and when. Most people now consider me to be fairly easy going, which always shocks me to hear. The kid that used to get all the black marks on his report card for "failing to exercise self control", one button-push from my next temper tantrum. Oh I can still be a real asshole, but I am not flying the A flag 24/7. And I still do require some solitude. I found in sobriety that I'm still a "night person" and find the 11 pm to 2 am slot golden when it comes to creativity or just simply enjoying myself. I used to wait till everyone else went to bed so I could start drinking "for real". Now I actually get some real use from the time, and I even remember what I did with it the next day!
Larry, Yes, that was my experience. The key word for me is "become". For many years I drank with people and had fun. It was my friend, my coping mechanism. It was my solution to rid me of fear and connect with people. Then, being an alcoholic, it progressed and I was unable to stop once I got started and the spiritual loss of values entered the picture. The drink now took over and I was powerless. I would accumulate wreckage then guilt, shame and remoarse. Alcohol pushed me into isolation and the last few years I drank only by myself in isolation.
I can also relate to watching the same program multiple times. I would start drinking in the am, be smashed by 9:00am and watch the same 1/2 ESPN Sport Center program mulitple times.......... The funny thing is, I watched it but probably couldn't remember the scores or details of the highlights if you asked me a few hours later.
I tended to isolate more when I was a practicing alcoholic,because I saw it as a safety issue. At home, I was not driving drunk,making an ass out myself in public...etc.etc. Yet, I still managed to rake in lots of shame and guilt.
It was a job keeping up with all the extra curricular things that go along with drinking. It darn near crippled me in many areas of life. It still has lingering ramifications, but now that I have some sobriety I can live life,experience it,feel it,and change it.
Grateful to still be kicking! Grateful to have one last chance. And I'm grateful for other recovering alcoholics for making my world a much better place to be.
The funny thing is, I watched it but probably couldn't remember the scores or details of the highlights if you asked me a few hours later.