Oh God, I'm never going to GET this. I've completely fallen apart and turned to the source of comfort that lets me forget for awhile. My son (31 years old) came home from Afghanistan for two weeks - mid assignment reprieve - but he goes back this Sat. I'm a mess and have totally melted down. I HATE THIS F-----WAR!!! He's patrolling near the Pakistan border, on the lookout for Taliban coming back into Afghanistan. Get this - his mission is to hike 25 to 30 mile treks into remote villages and try to bribe these stoneage people with money. Yup, $50,000 at their discression. They tell the villagers in PAshtun that "we want peace." The people glare at them and say "NO PEACE!" The Taliban have promised an all out offensive this summer!!! My son has already served in Iraq and is 82nd Airborne trained. Now, in Afghanistan, he's with a national guard unit that is totally untrained and lazy as hell and he has no faith that they will ever work as a team if an attack comes. I just want to scream!!!! Oh, and I am a profession historian so I know the all the history behind this. I don't know where to go with all my emotions. I know the bottle isn't the best place but I don't think anyone can understand how I'm feeling. He has to go back to that hellhole. We're wasting money over there and young men's lives. Please, please, if anyone can relate to this and has any words of wisdom, I'd like to hear them. Em
I understand where you're coming from. I realize this is very difficult for you. My Sis and hubby were over there each for a year. ( of course my Mom was a wreck ). The rest of our family prayed and prayed and prayed. We sent letters , emails, care pkgs and talked when it was allowable.
I didnt like that my Sis was in such a horrible place. However, she is the one who chose her life/career and she full well knew what she was getting into.
I am so proud of her ( and hubby ), and so very thankful for the sacrafices that they ( and every single other soldier ) has made, are making and will make for our Country.
The Serenity Prayer is the best answer far as Im concerned when you get all tied up inside and you are feeling badly. God will protect your Son, and He will also help you get thru this. Be grateful for the time that you got to or get to spend with your son.
Are there any other Mothers in the same boat as you in your area that you could all maybe get together and have fellowship/discussion/support ? And what about here on the internet too, you could look for help/support.
Stick close to your AA home group/ and sponsor. Cuz you know without a doubt that drinking isn't going to make things any different for your son. They are what they are and you accepting things the way they are is gonna make the difference between you being completely miserable or at least partially okay.
My heart was acheing with every word you wrote......I dont know how long you have been in this Program, but it is definitely not too late, to put down that drink, and go straight to GOD, and stay there in Prayer.
This is not related to War, but a person battle I face every day, I have a mentally ill son in Prison, that used to call me every saturday morning, and then the phone calls stopped, and the mail......in one of his last letters he wrote that he believed that some in the same prison were creating a plan to end his life......jus this morning a neighbor knocked on my window, and asked my why the police were in front of my house, well it sent chills thru me, they were not there any longer and probably will not be returning, maybe in front of a neighbors, who knows. but my heart sank to the floor when I heard what he asked me.
Ok enough of my stuff, I do not have a son in this current war, but cannot even imagine the pain and the FEAR you must contend with.....
Further down on this Page, there is a Post on Brokenness, and it made me think of how in Recovery, sometimes things in life will appear to be able to Break us in two, snap us like a twig.
When I have lived throught that I was more GREATFUL to this awesome Program for showing and teaching me that no matter what, with God on our side, and HE is, I believe that with all my heart that whatever happens in life, cannot break us, FEAR can make us feel that it might, But GOD will hold on to us tight, if we ask him, so please MAL, ask him moment to moment to hold you firmly in HIS Hands.......
Please do not let the fear of he unknown, break you with the drink......GOD is Stroner than any FEAR
In our trials and tribulations, that you are right in the middle of, that is EXACTLY when God wants us to turn to him, no other......
My dear friend, with I could be right there with you. and give you a warm hug, and attempt to just love you, and be there wit you in this horrible time in your life.
Every nite from now on, I will say a Prayer for you Son's safety. will you write and tell me his name.
My heart is still acheing....are you in the Program, do you have people to call, a Sponsor, please just give yourself over to the people in the rooms, they will comfort you, and keep you safe from alcohol.......please dear MAL.....
Em, The world needs men like your son to at least try and change the world. Does he want to be there? I know he is YOUR son, and that changes everything, but the fact is there have always been those that go "on the edge" like your son, and there always will be. If he feels he is accomplishing something, you can give him your opinion and pray. If he does not want to be there, he needs to keep his head low and wait it out. I am retired, and have seen war. It sure does not seem clear cut does it? As for you and drinking, you need to stay close to the program and give the anxiety and fear to your HP. Share this at a meeting. Get others to pray for the safety of your son. I will pray for your son and I know you are going to get lots of others on this board doing the same. Hang in there and keep us posted. Does he have an end date? Let us know that as well so we can help with your countdown. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
MAL, if this isn't something completely beyond our human control, I don't know what is. And that frustration seems to be part of what is driving you mad. To a lesser degree, because I have no son overseas, I am fuming mad and frustrated. I agree with you wholeheartedly that SO much (and so many) is being wasted and that the foundational reasons for all of this are so vague and uncertain and in ways, plain crooked. I wish so badly it would end (and in 2008 I thought it WOULD end, yet I hear nothing about it now from our elected "officials"),,,,
I may not be in the situation you are in, though I do share your desire to stay sober among the most difficult of circumstances. My world is falling down around me in different ways right NOW, and I am helpless and hopeless (nearly). PHYSICAL AA meetings and physical contact with other recovering alcoholics is the sole thing that is keeping me sane and sober right this very minute. I hope you are shouting from the mountaintops to your AA support that you/ are in deep pain and despair and fear right now, because someone will pick you up and carry you through this 24 hours, if need be.
All the love in the world, Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Powerless, you are powerless. Your son chose this path, you didn't choose it for him. Soldiers are put in harms way, that's what they do. The war may be unjust, may be mismanaged and may even be unwinnable but there are plenty of people who can support the warrior without supporting the war.
so ask yourself, do you want your son going into the sharp end of things, worrying about his Mum who is sinking into the hell of the bottle, or do you want to releive him of that burden?
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Hello MAL! As a parent I can definitely identify especailly as I have a son(who was not eligible to serve as he is a recovering Heroin addict 24 yrs old)I served in the Navy during Vietnam Era and my zeal for serving my country definitely was tested in 1968(served 65-70)I saw a lot of my friends who never made it back from 'the bush"I was bitter over the political war ,the futileness of it and the death of many.But I also chose to serve and thats what members of the Armed Forces do.In a sense I am glad my son was not eleigible to serve because Im not sure how I feel about going to a country where they have been fighting for 2000 years and Im not sure there will ever be resolve and I get too caught up in the political backround,oil and all that .But thats my stuff and if my son said he was going then I would give him my blessing and pray for his safe return.There are many of us who have children in harms way in a lot of different areas not only in War.God has the ultimate plan and our trust must remain with Him.I will definitely keep you in prayer and for all those who choose to honor their country by service in the Armed Forces!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Mal, All I can wish for you is the serenity to accept that which you cannot change.
I can offer a bit of reassurance, though. We servicemen and women took an oath to defend our constitution and obey our commanders....but it's for the the soldier on the left and right of us that we "stay frosty" for. Your son has other soldiers over there "staying frosty" for him.
Yes...as a historian you know full well how this will end. That futile decision was made many, many pay-grades above us. As a farmer friend of mine is fond of saying "The dumbass thought he was turning a calf...but all he was doing was stirring up shit."
When he come home for keeps, he's gonna need his Mom...not a drunk. Get back where you belong. You're not alone.
You can't get sober for someone else, but you might remind yourself that your son has enough to worry about while he's over there, he shouldn't have to worry about your drinking, too. Maybe that will give you a little more incentive to want to stay sober. He's chosen this path for himself and he knows what he's gotten into. It's true that war is hell but he obviously believes that he's doing his duty for his country and that he's dedicated to doing that. I know you're proud of him for that. He'll be so proud of you if you win your battle with the bottle like he's dedicated to trying to help win the battle where he is.
I'll remember your son in my prayers and you as well. Your Higher Power is taking care of your son and He'll take care of you, too. Get to meetings, even if you never do anything else!
