The Role Of Shame In Addictions

Larry_H · MIP Old Timer

The Role Of Shame In Addictions

AGO · MIP Old Timer

Larry_H wrote:

Disclaimer: This is not my writing but it is interesting and as an Alcoholic I can identify with it. I called it guilt instead of shame.
Larry,
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The Role Of Shame In Addictions
Recent research indicates that "shame" plays a rather important role in addictions. If the person doesn't feel good about who they are, this can have a profound effect on anger, resentment, and interpersonal relationships in general. One way to get rid of that of course, is to "medicate" with drugs or alcohol. Of course the problem is that it's just temporary relief and when it wears off, you typically feel even worse. But getting to the root issues of personal shame can be very helpful if you're trying to help someone "figure themselves out."
As addicts and alcoholics ourselves, and personally knowing thousands of others, we have never met one alcoholic or addict that didn't have deep issues underlying their use. It's not about not seeing enough anti-drug or alcohol messages and it's not about not being exposed to enough public services announcements. And it's not about not having enough speakers come in to your school to scare you away from addiction.
It's about not feeling good inside, it's about not feeling like you can talk about it, it's about wanting desperately to feel better, and it's about using alcohol or drugs to achieve feeling better.

Love it

funny how "new research shows" just reenforces what we in AA have known for years

It's about not feeling good inside, it's about not feeling like you can talk about it, it's about wanting desperately to feel better, and it's about using alcohol or drugs to achieve feeling better.

louisa · Senior Member

This is so interesting.

My boyfriend ( also AA) and has double the years sobriety I have often talks about the role of shame in addictions. I have to say I don't fully understand it when he does - but I know I will grow to. It does makes sense.

I believe I also drank cos it took the edge of a terrible shyness I had .........felt so good in the beginning.

However looking deeper, maybe there's a link between shame and shyness ...who knows? biggrin

I love this AA journey......yes I do love and remember to 'Keep It Simple' but I also enjoy looking a little deeper sometimes too.......it's helpful to understand these things and then to maybe address them!

Thanks Larry,

Louisa xx

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

AGO wrote:

Larry_H wrote:

Disclaimer: This is not my writing but it is interesting and as an Alcoholic I can identify with it. I called it guilt instead of shame.
Larry,
-------------------
The Role Of Shame In Addictions
Recent research indicates that "shame" plays a rather important role in addictions. If the person doesn't feel good about who they are, this can have a profound effect on anger, resentment, and interpersonal relationships in general. One way to get rid of that of course, is to "medicate" with drugs or alcohol. Of course the problem is that it's just temporary relief and when it wears off, you typically feel even worse. But getting to the root issues of personal shame can be very helpful if you're trying to help someone "figure themselves out."
As addicts and alcoholics ourselves, and personally knowing thousands of others, we have never met one alcoholic or addict that didn't have deep issues underlying their use. It's not about not seeing enough anti-drug or alcohol messages and it's not about not being exposed to enough public services announcements. And it's not about not having enough speakers come in to your school to scare you away from addiction.
It's about not feeling good inside, it's about not feeling like you can talk about it, it's about wanting desperately to feel better, and it's about using alcohol or drugs to achieve feeling better.

Love it

funny how "new research shows" just reenforces what we in AA have known for years

It's about not feeling good inside, it's about not feeling like you can talk about it, it's about wanting desperately to feel better, and it's about using alcohol or drugs to achieve feeling better.

Exactly. I didn't get drunk everyday b/c I had dandruff or had nothing better to do. I drank everyday to change the way that I felt, just like the Doc says in the BB.

If I don't make AA my priority and work the steps, I'll feel that way again and I will drink to change to the way that I feel. More certain than the sun rising tomorrow.

Steve

Dave Harm · Senior Member

My favorite subject in recovery is shame. Larry shame is not the same as guilt.

Guilt says, " I made a mistake." Shame says, "I am a mistake."
Guilt says, "I did a bad thing." Shame says, "I am a bad thing."
Guilt says, "I did something wrong." Shame says, "I am wrong."

Guilt is a result of an action, which we can corrected by making amends and accepting responsibility.

Shame is more difficult. Shame is about who we are. If you believe you are a mistake, there is no guilt associated with it... it's who you are.

My favorite recovery author John Bradshaw believes that every alcoholic, addict, whatever, is shamed based. They believe they are no good... so why fight it... it's the truth so why not stay drunk or stoned?

An alcoholic can quit drinking but never enjoy sobriety if he doesn't deal with the shame. As long as they believe they are wrong or they are a mistake... eventually they will slip.

Shame is far worse then guilt...

Larry_H · MIP Old Timer

Merrium Webster Thesaurus

Entry Word: Guilt
Function: noun

Meaning: 1 a feeling of responsibility for wrongdoing <he was wracked with guilt after he accidentally broke his sister's antique grandfather clock>

Synonyms contriteness, contrition, penitence, regret, remorse, remorsefulness, repentance, rue, self-reproach, shame

Related Words compunction, misgiving, qualm, scruple; blame, fault, responsibility; chagrin, embarrassment; anguish, distress, grief, sadness, sorrow

Antonyms impenitence, remorselessness
2 responsibility for wrongdoing or failure <he was saddled with the guilt for the company's failure> see blame 1

LMichael · Member

I thought recovery was about getting better.

I don't believe this is the easier softer way. That way is easy first and harder over time.

I believe the harder way leads to a easier way over time.

The IT they talk about is the person getting better, not stuck on the short term instant gratification of always trying to feel better without working for it.

The promises say they will always materialize if I work fo them

Michael

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Dave Harm wrote:
My favorite recovery author John Bradshaw believes that every alcoholic, addict, whatever, is shamed based. They believe they are no good... so why fight it... it's the truth so why not stay drunk or stoned?

An alcoholic can quit drinking but never enjoy sobriety if he doesn't deal with the shame. As long as they believe they are wrong or they are a mistake... eventually they will slip.

Shame is far worse then guilt...

JB goes on to explain the difference between Healthy and unhealthy shame. He
illustrates healthy shame is thinking "I'm Human and therefore I will make mistakes" (humility), vs. "I am a mistake". This is another one of those instincts gone awry.
Most often, we tend to victimize our self with shame, blame, and guilt, wallowing in self pity to the point it triggers depression and the release of dopemine. There are some ways in which, in diet and other conditions, can cause our brains to have chemical imbalances, causing depression, but we can also contribute by influencing our mood (by thinking too much about negative events or negative perception of events) more or less causing ourselves to become mentally ill. Here's a good article on Serotonin. Note the references to immediate relief of depression through exercise and taking vitamins B-6 etc...

"6. Can exercise boost serotonin levels?

Exercise can do a lot to improve your mood -- and across the board, studies have shown that regular exercise can be as effective a treatment for depression as antidepressant medication or psychotherapy. In the past, it was believed that several weeks of working out was necessary to see the effects on depression, but new research conducted at the University of Texas at Austin found that just 40 minutes of regular exercise can have an immediate effect on mood." <----imo, means get off your @$$ and exercise and change your diet (and quit feeling sorry for yourself) before you run off to the legal drug pusher (the doctor)

http://www.webmd.com/depression/recognizing-depression-symptoms/serotonin read all 3 pages.

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 24th of May 2010 12:56:25 AM