If you had told me on March 2nd, 2010, that I would be where I am on this date (today), I would have probably laughed in your face.
My date of sobriety is 3/3/2010, and it still seems like it was ages ago.
That wrecked and frail man, only a few drinks away from death, hoping that the next drink would send me into a sleep that I wouldn't awake from, scared, angry, and feeling sorry for not only myself, but everyone who had the misfortune of knowing me.
One night, angry with myself because I couldn't fall asleep, I fastened a neck tie around my neck and the other end on the door. I had read somewhere that it doesn't hurt and you just fall asleep. Well, it hurts. Good thing, too.
Shortly thereafter, I stumbled upon this wonderful site and made a post.
As weeks went by, bits and pieces of life started to fall into place. Perhaps they were always there, but I was too busy drinking myself into a pity to think that I could accomplish any of them.
About 6 weeks after my detox, I started looking for work. At the time I was just messing around, applying at random jobs "just to see." I had no real intentions of landing any of them.. it was just kind of, say, something to do. I was applying for jobs I knew I was under-qualified for on purpose. Then one day, a very unexpected phone call came.. Someone wanted an interview. What the hell had I gotten myself into now??
"Ok, calm down.. Just go into the interview and be yourself. If they like you, they like you. If not, you can't lose a job that you don't have, right?" *phew*
Two days go by, "We think you're just what we're looking for, so when can you start?"
Oh. Crap.
This was definitely not what I had in mind. A career? Already? I know I'm nearing 30 years old, and I should have been here years ago.. but.. already?? And at a scientific research facility (and no, they're not testing on me.. har har)? How in the world did I pull this off?
I'm only on my second week of employment, so I'm still in my infancy. And believe me when I say I am scared out of my mind. The other day was a frantic day for me, and my tech lead said to me, "I know it's easy to get frustrated and overwhelmed, but don't let it get to you." I kinda smirked and said, "Yeah, it's days like this where I used to look forward to a nice, stiff drink." He looked back at me and said, "Fifteen years, man." I knew exactly what he meant. I looked at him and said, "March 3rd of this year." We talked briefly about our ways to relax... a nice big meal, a safe drive, a movie, etc. I kinda felt a weight being lifted off of my shoulder.
Thank you for reading this, and I'm sorry it was so long. Sorry if it's hard to read; my brain is still kind of racing as I'm still trying to take all of this in at once. I hope you all are enjoying your weekend! I'm going to relax tomorrow, hopefully throwing myself a nice Sober-Q BBQ.
And yes, I am still keeping myself in check. I will not let my pride steer me in the wrong direction. I know what that one lapse in judgement can do to me. I may be scared out of my mind right now, but nothing scares me more than going back to that shell of a person I used to be.
God bless.
-B
-- Edited by Mizuno54 on Saturday 22nd of May 2010 11:55:34 PM
Thanks for the share......the more I read, the more I want to read. Miracles in progress.......isn't that perfect!! Your share gives me strength and understanding, which is all part of my program of never ending recovery. This is why I come to this site, I'm new to this site. I have 5y 3m sobriety which is my miracle, along with the dark places I've been and how a higher power restored me to sanity. Keep coming and going back....the Sober BBQ sounds fun......and remember when your posts are long it's OK----some of us enjoy reading, remembering and celebrating sobriety in ourselves and in others.... I learn something new every day........God bless back at you!!
B, Congratulations!! And how awesome that your lead tech is one of us!!!! God-stuff, clearly. I hope you are attending AA meetings? I know it has been so important for me... and yah, about the relaxing thing..... wow, I have needed that like you woudl not believe lately, and am taking a week off from college to relax next week. I can't wait!
Take care and thank you so much for posting how sobreity can change our lives, and rather quickly, too!
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Aloha Mizuno...Congradulations on the sobriety and the other successes. Those come when we get and stay sober...the good stuff all comes back. Besides the tech you didn't mention if you have others in your AA area supporting your sobriety...meetings, the Big Book of AA and more. With the support you can turn a "beam" walk to a stroll down a wide sidewalk and have what we have; more miracles. I had my life put back together by several thousands of recovering drunks...Today I am a "made" man and I am so grateful for that cause I could not ever have accomplished this on my own. My HP wanted me here and here I will stay.
My apologies. I meant to put all that info in my post, but I didn't want to make it too long.
Yes, I have AA. They're the ones that saved my life. I still have and read the Big Book. As far as the HP goes, well, I still don't know who I'm talking to, but it works. :)
My HP doesn't shove me when I need to take a step, but my HP shows me exactly where to put my foot to make it happen.
Wonderful news, so happy to hear that you are doing well .
And that AA is a part of this process for you. Wondering tho ... do you have a sponsor and are you working the steps ?
How neat that a coworker is sober too ! I had a similiar experience just yesterday running into someone who is a friend of Bill W. and we sat for over an hour , chatting. It was neat, like a meeting !
Keep up the good work ! You wont regret it if you follow our path thoroughly.
Great sharing of your Experience, Strength and Hope. Keep coming back it gets even better.
Larry, -------------- AA won't keep you from going to hell, nor is it a ticket to heaven, but it will keep you sober long enough for you to make up your mind which way you want to go!
Man,one of my many favorite readings tell us 'LOST DREAMS AWAKEN AND NEW POSSIBILITIES ARISE! Amen brother ,stay God centered and all will fall in place. Continue to stay in the solution. Thanks for the continued message of hope! The share of hope and miracles can never be "too long!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
