Runnergirl

AGO · MIP Old Timer

Runnergirl

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Yup. please post and let us know how things are going. You are missed! And as always, we are here to help.
Joni

runnergirl · Senior Member

Thanks guys... it's a been a rough few days. But, everything helps us get to where we want to be, right?

Went to a (step) meeting tonight and it was helpful. Fourth step. I realized and, for the first time, vocalized something that seems pretty significant to me. I think one of my character flaws is that I want to keep other's happy. I think I need (probably just want) to be with my husband all the time. He's my best friend and I think I have the unrealistic expectation that we should be together all the time. That I should change my needs to reflect his so that we can be together more often. It's silly... he doesn't expect or want that, it's just something I've immaturely expected from myself for a long, long time. Somehow I've let myself believe that we should agree and see eye-to-eye on everything. Clearly, that's impossible. Probably not healthy.

I've wanted to jump into AA more and get more out of it. I've wanted to start going to church again. But, since my hubby wouldn't be sharing in these things with me, I was inclined to not make them a priority. Dumb me. I talked with him about it tonight and he agrees that I should be doing my own thing, no matter what he's doing. I really need to work hard on this or I will continue to relapse.

So... Met with my sponsor after the meeting (had the absolute worst cup of coffee ever!). Told her I'd call daily. She quoted someone who said, "I come to meetings because I'm doing well and I want to keep it that way." Well put. I'm going to the orientation for outpatient treatment on Thurs. and will start as soon as I can.

The past is the past. I can control what comes next. Thanks for your support and concern. It really helps.

Oh, and confession time... My birthday isn't until May 25th. I had some crazy "can't be too disclosing on this site" when I registered. You'd think I could have lied about my state or something easier. So there. :) Thanks for the well wishes!

AGO · MIP Old Timer

Thanks for the update kiddo

Yeah, I think many of us have ....ummm.....i guess I will call them unrealistic expectations of those around us, I have some of that going on right at this moment

anyhow, we had an interesting conversation about it in this thread, keep going until you get to toni's post, we start discussing this very thing

Character defects

by the way?

good on you, you sound like you are exactly where you are supposed to be, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but it always materializes if we work for it

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Ahhh... so good to SEE you here runner!! Amazing what a good sit-down with our sponsor can do. That is where God goes to work, when two or more AA's are gathered in love and support. Ther eis a saying, "An alcoholic when in his own head by himself is walking around in a bad neighborhood alone." So true, isn't it??

You are on the right track. Doing this for YOU. I can totally understand wanting to be with hubby all the time. Early on in my marriage (I married when I had gotten sober already), I started slacking on meetings due to the same things you were talking about. Didn't get me very far either!!

Glad you are here and sounding more well todnight.

((((hugs))))

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi Laurie, you're experience sounds so much like mine, in early sobriety with AA. Each time that I came back, I was willing to do a couple more things, that were suggested, to stay sober. Eventually, I was willing to do "whatever it takes" and whatever I'd heard that others where doing, and that's when it started working for me. There was a great relief, when I stopped trying to control how much I was going to conform, for lack of a better word, but I've been this unique non-conformist all my life, so that's what was getting in the way of my sobriety. I too was needy in my marriage and didn't want to sacrifice my time with my wife, but I also didn't want to go to early morning meetings or noon meetings, or 5:30 pm meetings. Those meetings, by the way, are where you'll find a lot of people that are in your situation, getting their meetings in so they can be with family at night. Now if there's some quality evening meetings, or ones that you feel really comfortable with, or that your sponsor goes to and you want to attend, then you should. Keep posting, we really care about you and want to know how it's going for you.

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Good for you and thanks!

Just Toni · MIP Old Timer

Hi RG,

was laughing so hard at what you said about logging in the first time, and ingonito. change my birthdate, that'll throw them off..LMAO...

And that revalation of how you feel about "needing to spend all your time with your husband" great revalation.....gave the book away, but that old Kahill Gabran Book and his writings of how we hold the pillars of a strong building together, well we hold them by the two pillars standing very far away, insuring that the homestead will servive.....great that you have a wonderful husband and you can speak honestly with him about that...I hope it gave you a sense of you have the perfect right, and also the need to do this Program with other Alcoholics, and if you go to some open meetings he is welcome to join you.....
in the long run though I would be willing to bet you, you would want to start owning the Program as your very own....

Just happy to see you here dear, hope so much that we will see so much more of you, you are a part of this MIP family and when you dont check in , we wonder, and just miss you here.

Toodles and a big((((((((((((((huggie))))))))))))))))))))

Toni

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Soeaking of books Toni and others.............................

Y'know, I just picked up a book at the Salvation Army store by Dr. Wayne Dyer--- I have read and loved a lot of his older stuff (he has gotten a little too metaphysical lately for my tastes), like "Your Erroneous Zones" (NOT erroGENous! Erroneous as in "error") and this book is from his heavy psychology days, and I just might leaf through it tonight. It is called "Pulling Your Own Strings", and it looks to be about being a victim vs. learning how to not be a victim.

There is a test in it where you respond to 100 questions, and it determines whether you tend toward being a "victim" or a victor. I already (sadly LOL) know the answer for myself..... but I am going to take it anyway and then take it again later down the road....

Cool thing to find at a thrift store for $2, and it is hardback not a page crack open yet.... you can tell no one has ever bothered to "love on" this book... well let me be the first to do so. It caugth my eye because it has a hard BRIGHT RED cover..... LOL It was yelling at me to come take a look!

:o)