For me it has been by far the most rewarding part of the program, I get 10% by learning, 90% by teaching, in every case whatever I was passing on to my sponsee was exactly what I needed to hear at that time.
I have had maybe 100 Sponsees over the years, maybe 30 of whom I made it to step 12 with, out of those thirty, I can think of 2 that aren't sober today
Sponsorship has been what has truly given me the gifts of sobriety, quite frankly even with the men that didn't stay sober
There are 144 Promises in the Big book (we read only the ninth step promises at meetings) and they all pale next to the promises I have recieved from working with others, to watch young men and women recover, to go back to college, to earn Masters and PHD's when I met them they were living homeless, barefoot, dirty and hopeless, to watch them marry and have children, to be walking down the street and overhear one teen man talking to another and hear something my sponsor said to me word for word 20 years before, stopping and talking to them and finding out the sponsor is 5 generations down in my sponsor family, and the sponsee 6 generations down, that I was their great great great grandsponsor....
Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.
We have shown how we got out from under. You say, "Yes, I'm willing. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?"
Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.
"How is that to come about?" you ask. "Where am I to find these people?"
You are going to meet these new friends in your own community. Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly like people in a sinking ship. If you live in a large place, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and poor, these are future fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. Among them you will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of "Love thy neighbor as thyself."
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
I agree, sponsorship is the most rewarding part of the program. That is when I got past my mistakes.
I found probably the most frequent mistake I ever made was wanting sobriety for the sponsee more than they wanted it themselves. This never worked and it only led to frustration on my part.
I learn the most from sponsoring. Far more than the sponsee does.
Larry, ----------------- Dont drown the man who taught you to swim.
For whatever reason, people don't line up to ask me to sponsor them. I've had maybe 5 people ask. One found another sponsor soon after, three vanished, and one has stayed sober but most of the time he doesn't really use me as a sponsor in a conventional sense.
I don't think I have any disrespect among my fellow AAs, I'm just not the obvious "sponsor type" I guess. I'm not an authoritarian, but most people in AA are not and don't necessarily seek one as a sponsor. Just kind of how things turned out. I've held a number of service positions over the years. But never had that "platoon" of sponsees that some seem to wind up with.
Barisax, Same here. I offer to be a sponsor at the meetings I attend and I'm active in service. I even share in discussion meetings on a consistent basis. I've had a few guys talk about sponsorship and I took them to meetings etc....... but the few I did that with are no longer in the program. One young guy went with an older sponsor which was fine. I did the same thing. My sponsor is older than I and I sought him out for a variety of reasons.
I'm not disappointed though, I talk with my sponsor about it frequently and he reminds me to show up and be available and god will determine when the time is right. What I've heard from others in the Fellowship is the sponsee will show up when we need them the most.
I do have one potential sponsee that calls but he's currently in a rehab and will get privileges shortly. Who knows, maybe he'll be the one that shows up. The meeting I attend on Monday evenings is at a rehab facility, that's where I met this young man.
Mike, I think there are more like us than there are who are always sponsoring multiple people. For every guy who sponsors 10 people, there's 9 potential sponsors without sponsees. That's just how it works. I've done a variety of service jobs - chairman, secretary, treasurer, GSR. I've done institution meetings both on a spot basis and on a regular basis at one point for 2 years. Stuff comes and goes. I have not been an intergroup rep and would not want to be, and I will not be GSR again. I will probably be treasurer of my home group again in 2011, there are three of us that rotate and it will be my turn again unless someone else volunteers.
I also suspect that if I "got around" more, I'd get more speaker invitations, and more sponsees. But even when I did, it didn't happen all that much. I think within AA there are "circuit speakers" and "professional sponsors" - unofficial, tongue in cheek titles of course, but there are people who do well at those things and get a lot of "business" on account of it. I've never been a guru... and my tactic working with others is neither hard core nor "aww you need a hug" - both seem popular sponsor types... LOL. I am usually funny only when I'm not trying to be, which I guess I have to accept as a moment of unintended honesty.
If there's somebody out there weird enough to relate to me, then I suppose my HP will put that person in my life when we're both ready for it. Heck, I went 13 years without being in a relationship of any consequence, and found my current wife after 311 on-line matches. I know I'm not supposed to be unique but that does kinda place me near the slimmer part of the bell curve.
Sponsees seem to come in groups, flurries if you will in my experience, presently I am not sponsoring anyone
I would say about 90% of my sponsees came from talking to newcomers after the meetings though, also after "speaking", "chairing" or "pitching" I still get asked to sponsor people, they just never call LoL
Where I got sober we have the meeting before the meeting, the meeting, the meeting after the meeting, then we go out for ice cream or dinner, this is where all of the real 12 step work took place.
That seems to be a rarity any more, it seems like everyone shows up at 7:55, rushes in to get a seat, and then at 9:01 are racing for their cars, I remember this last time I got sober I would try to talk to people after the meeting and they'd kind of answer back as they rushed to their car, I was unable to get a sponsor OR (later on) a sponsee in this environment.
One meeting I used to attend religiously every week was on Saturday nights, it was an awful meeting with bad speakers and worse shares, but it was CROWDED with newcomers, every single week I spent hours after the meeting talking to newcomers desperate for attention and answers, it was one of my favorite meetings for that reason alone. What an opportunity for twelve step work, I always walked away amazingly lifted up.
What I do is watch for newcomers to raise their hands, then I pay attention to see if any of them share, I listen to their shares to see if they are ready or they "know it all" or they are just providing lip service, but I have to pick one to talk to, so i try to figure out which when I will be most effective with, which one is most similar to me, brash egotistical exceptionally stubborn and stupid alpha males I do exceptionally well with, that way I only have to repeat all the things told to me, but I make it a point to try and go talk to a newcomer after the meeting when everyone is socializing with their friends, to ask how they are doing, what's going on etc, that is where most ask me to sponsor them
@Barisax I have been reading your posts for a few years on both forums, it surprises me you don't have a fleet, if you were local I would totally ask you to sponsor me, you carry a great message of wisdom tempered with love.
@Mike mug newcomers after the meetings, pay attention to what they say, listen listen listen, ask questions and then listen some more, just like in a relationship they will give you all of the information you need to be effective very early on, our tenth step says our job is to grow in effectiveness
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
It also has never failed to remind me that what I was given works when given away.
Sooo humbling. Thinking of my sponsorship experiences always makes me laugh. God are we a funny lot and still we're helpful often in the most unexpected ways.
Letting go and Letting God is for me the best sponsorship slogan available. Anybody else?
@Barisax I have been reading your posts for a few years on both forums, it surprises me you don't have a fleet, if you were local I would totally ask you to sponsor me, you carry a great message of wisdom tempered with love.
I seem to be better at communicating in writing than in speaking. It's rather ironic because I've always been a talker and prided myself in being a talker and storyteller. Coming to AA and being given the "obligation" of speaking and telling my story, my thought was - wow, 45 minutes to talk, uninterrupted about my favorite subject... me! This internet thing has taught me a lot about communicating, and how nice it is to be able to proof-read before clicking "submit" LOL.
The other thing about the internet medium is that the audience is larger, even if it doesn't seem that way. If I talk in a meeting, maybe 20 people hear me. If I post here, even though only 4, 5 people may respond, potentially hundreds can read it (or not) and my odds of connecting with someone go up. That has certainly been my experience selling junk on ebay... I could have a yard sale every weekend for a year, be lucky to clear $500 and still have most of the junk less what was stolen... or list it on ebay and a week later it's ALL gone and I collected $2500. Maybe I just need a larger "market" for my line of bull heh heh
If you are looking to become a sponsor please review the following information so you can get a clear understanding of role in the sponsor/sponsee relationship.
A brief history of sponsorship: The idea of sponsorship was born in AA, the original 12 step fellowship. The book "Living Sober" an AA publication, describes how the term "sponsor" came about.
In the earliest days of AA, the term "sponsor" was not in the AA jargon. Then a few hospitals in Akron, Ohio and New York began to accept alcoholics (under that diagnosis) as patients -- If a sober A.A. member would agree to "sponsor" the sick man or woman. The sponsor took the patient to the hospital, visited him or her regularly, was present when the patient was discharged, and took the patient home and then to the AA meeting. At the meeting, the sponsor introduced the newcomer to other happily non drinking alcoholics. All through the early months of recovery, the sponsor stood by, ready to answer questions, or to listen whenever needed.
Though there is no true references to the word sponsorship with in the first 164 page of the AA Big Book "Alcoholics Anonymous" it is mentioned in several of the personal stories that are contained later in the book. The early history of AA tells us that even Bill W. had a sponsor who's name was Edwin T. Thatcher who was born 1896, and died in 1966.
Bill Wilson was constantly amazed at the growth and apparent success that Cleveland was having in sobering up alcoholics. He visited there every time that he went to Ohio. Bill later wrote in A.A. Comes of Age:
Yes, Cleveland's results were of the best. Their results were in fact so good, and A.A.'s membership elsewhere was so small, that many a Clevelander really thought A.A.'s membership had started there in the first place. The Cleveland pioneers had proved three essential things: the value of personal sponsorship; the worth of the A.A.'s Big Book in indoctrinating newcomers, and finally the tremendous fact that A.A., when the word really got around, could now soundly grow to great size.
Clarence was a dynamo. He wanted the best for himself and "his boys" in A.A. He refined the art of A.A. sponsorship to the point that Nell Wing, Bill Wilson's secretary, commented to the author that Clarence was probably the "one man responsible for sponsorship as we know it today."
Sponsorship has since become one of the foundations of the recovery programs for of all the 12 step fellowships and one of the greatest blessings of membership. With it we can help one another to succeed and arrest the disease called addiction one day at a time regardless of the nature.
So just What does a sponsor do?
In some ways, a sponsor is like a :
good friend
teacher
tutor
experienced guide
older brother/sister
A sponsor is someone who has been where we want to go in our twelve step program and knows how we can best get there. Their primary responsibility is to help us work the 12 steps by applying the principles of the program to our lives. They lead us by example as we see how the program works in their lives through sharing their personal experiences and stories of where they were and where they are now. We start to learn how to become sober by listening and doing the footwork that our sponsor shows us on a daily basis. In time we make these new changes a habit which helps us to remain sober one day at a time.
AA defines a sponsorship in this way: "An alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery program who shares that experience on a continuous, individual basis with another who is attempting to attain or maintain sobriety through AA"
-- Edited by AGO on Tuesday 4th of May 2010 08:31:01 PM
__________________
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Only sponsored 3 and all 3 are still sober, although one went in and out for 10 years after I sponsored him. Another fired me when I suggested that taking his significant others meds was not particularly sober and the third I could never get to do a 4th or 5th step (and he still hasn't) but is 17 years sober (not recommended btw)
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 4th of May 2010 08:30:34 PM
Only sponsored 3 and all 3 are still sober, although one went in and out for 10 years after I sponsored him. Another fired me when I suggested that taking his significant others meds was not particularly sober and the third I could never get to do a 4th or 5th step (and he still hasn't) but is 17 years sober (not recommended btw)
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 4th of May 2010 08:30:34 PM
Another fired me when I suggested that taking his significant others meds was not particularly sober
LOL
Yeah I have had all types of sponsees as well including this one:
I could never get (him) to do a 4th or 5th step (and he still hasn't)
Yeah the way I heard that described was:
Why do the work when you can just go to a meeting?"
some people really do get something from "just going to meetings".
The group who stopped in time before crossing the line of alcohol-ism (i.e. they just had alcohol-issues) and just attend meetings, no steps needed, just use meetings as group therapy
Then there the "two steppers"
Admit they were powerless over alcohol then carry the message
The three steppers, same as the 2 steppers but they jump also right to the 13th step
The Aa Waltzers 123 slip 123 slip
Then the group who use the meetings to do some step work;
They admit they are powerless over alcohol(step 1) They confess the exact nature of their wrongs in war stories and drunk-a-logs (step 5) They try to help new-comers (step 12) and tell them "don't drink and go to meetings" and offer up their phone number when feeling really moved to do 12th step work
and then there is a third group (like me) who need more than meetings and they are the ones who are beyond human aid (as well as beyond fellowship aid) that needed to do all 12 steps including sponsoring others
We got an interesting Lifeboat here in AA
__________________
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
I was a sponsor a couple of times years ago, and even though I had over a year sober both times (and with one sponsee, I had 2 years), I was certainly not ready for it, although I had the best of intentions (intestines?) at first.
But I tried to play caretaker too much, even moved one in with me and let her "live off the fat of the land" for waaaaaaayyy too long, thereby denying her the responsibility to ever take care of herself while she was there for about 8 months. (she worked full time but I never asked her to pay for anyting, dumb).
I think I wanted to be liked more than I wanted to share ES&H, well, because I really don't think I had enough. There are plenty of great people out there that I see sponsoring at 1 year sober, but they are a lot more advanced, shall we say, in their program and in CODA issues thn I ever was.
It is going to be awhile for me. I can, however, give rides to women, and give my phone number out, and be there and available if someone needs to talk. We can carry the nessage in ways that are helthy for us at different times in sobriety.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
I was a sponsor a couple of times years ago, and even though I had over a year sober both times (and with one sponsee, I had 2 years), I was certainly not ready for it, although I had the best of intentions (intestines?) at first.
But I tried to play caretaker too much, even moved one in with me and let her "live off the fat of the land" for waaaaaaayyy too long, thereby denying her the responsibility to ever take care of herself while she was there for about 8 months. (she worked full time but I never asked her to pay for anyting, dumb).
I think I wanted to be liked more than I wanted to share ES&H, well, because I really don't think I had enough. There are plenty of great people out there that I see sponsoring at 1 year sober, but they are a lot more advanced, shall we say, in their program and in CODA issues thn I ever was.
It is going to be awhile for me. I can, however, give rides to women, and give my phone number out, and be there and available if someone needs to talk. We can carry the nessage in ways that are helthy for us at different times in sobriety.
(((joni)))
That's how we learn, and while sponsoring generally speaking we have a 100% success rate
we stay sober
we learn how to carry the message, not the alcoholic
I let 3? 4? alkies live in my house, and made sure they all "did the deal" and got them into sober living houses ASAP, they all worked out and got and stayed sober (for at least 5-6 years at any rate for one of them) the rest are still sober
__________________
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
@Mike mug newcomers after the meetings, pay attention to what they say, listen listen listen, ask questions and then listen some more, just like in a relationship they will give you all of the information you need to be effective very early on, our tenth step says our job is to grow in effectiveness
Ago, Thank you and I appreciate the wisdom you bring to this site. I think your right, I could be more pro-active in looking for sponsees. If I want things to change then I need to change what I'm doing... Right? I'm learning to listen more and talk less. It's still a character defect of mine. Work in progress I guess.
and the third I could never get to do a 4th or 5th step (and he still hasn't) but is 17 years sober (not recommended btw) 
