I walked across an open field at winter's break as the sun danced on the last few drifts. I imagined my fears would melt one by one as I learned to love myself. --Laurel Lewis
Fear is as familiar as our image in a mirror. Although we have resolved many of the fears that bound us to old behavior, our original fears may have been replaced by new ones. Why are there so many things to be afraid of? New friends, old relationships, careers, family history, tomorrow...
Acknowledging our fear is the first step to getting free of its control. Naming the fear puts us in charge. Remembering that we have a loving Higher Power who won't abandon us, even in the midst of our deepest fear, can help us get through too.
But loving our small, scared selves will be the most nurturing of all. Mothering ourselves, in the way we may have longed for mothering in our youth, will carry us through the most difficult times.
Fears are part of living. They are neither bad nor good; instead, they can teach us. They can help us learn to love more of ourselves.
I will welcome my fears today. They are my blueprint for who I am. God and I will comfort me with love.
I once heard at a function tailored after Bill W.'s Emotional Sobriety, the following on Fear:
"There are only 2 kinds of fear that cover every other fear. They are Fear of not getting what we want, or Fear of losing something we already have."
Think about it. Fear of not getting what we want ( Fear of: not getting peace, not getting our work done, not getting a handle on an emotion, not gettinmg happiness or satisfaction, not getting enough money to pay the bills, not getting enough money to buy things we want, not getting the answers we want from our sponsor or program, not getting people to like us, not getting acceptance from others, and so on...)
Fear of losing something we already have ( Fear of: losing our income, losing our 'friend' alcohol, losing our significant other, losing our home or current home life, losing friends or acquaintances to sobriety, losing our ability to drink safely- which we alcoholics have already lost, losing our old "playgrounds" to recovery, losing our youth or attractiveness, and so on...)
When it becomes apparent that most of the things we want will not make us happy anyway if we are already miserable, or that losing some of those other things doesn't have to make us depressed, we start to outgrow these fears. We start to see that a lot of our fears are irrational, and many of them other-centered as well. And if we are relying on others for our happiness, then we are looking in the wrong place to begin with.
Plus, 99% of this has NOT yet happened, and the great majority of what we fear is never GOING to happen either. So we waste precious hours with our heads stuck in tomorrow instead of TODAY, which is the only day or moment we have any control over, and even then, only a little bit of control.
That's why the Big Book focuses so much on Fear in Step 4. our lives are riddled with it!
Ok, I REALLY needed to see this today, and to ponder these things, as in my current marital situation, there is a ton of Fear. But being afraid of the unknown could immobilize me, and I just can't let it do that to me today.., gotta keep moving forward in spite of them, TODAY.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Larry, Joni and Steve- God works through people and he put you in my life today. See my post above written prior to reading this one. I really needed to see this. I have a built in self doubter and need constant reminders to reassure me that my thinking is clear and accurate. God will guide me today if I allow him too.....
