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Post Info TOPIC: New lonley member


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New lonley member
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I decided to join this message board because I need some insight. I've been an alcoholic for the past 3 years. I am only 19 years old. I moved away from all the so called bad influences in life for a year only to find myself back where I started (in the same town) Ive done good. I occuasionaly go out now for drinks. But, its more of a fun thing than something I have to do in order to sleep at night. Although nights are definelty tough for me.  All my old friends that I love to death are still drinking every night and my current boyfriend who had agreed to stay sober with me continually ditches me to go out and get drunk so, I assume. He doesnt call me on Friday or Saturday nights.. which happens to be his nights off. It hurts but, I've started to deal with it, or try to anyway. How do I do this? I am not strong enough to be around alcohol every night and not drink but, I dont want to be this lonley every night. I dont attend AA meetings now and I dont know if I want to start. I work alot and am usually just drained by the time I get off work. Do I have to just be lonley for a while until, I can find new friends or, is there a way around it. I am so lonley and I feel like I don't belong anywhere because I am known as the ever long party girl in this town and it just isnt me anymore. I start school 45 mins away from where I live now that I will commute to daily. But, until then all I do is work and come home to this empty house. Ive tried to get my friends to stay sober with me just to hang out and watch a movie or something other than drinking but, they get bored after just a night and go right back out. I dont want to drink every night but, I dont want to be this lonley. Is this just going to have to be this way until I start school??? Someone please respond and at least give me some insight or motivation to stay sober. Sometimes I question although, I know its so so very wrong, if I should just say forget it and be the party girl again, its what I am used to and where I feel like I am totally accepted. But, I dont want to do that. god knows I dont.

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MIP Old Timer

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Hi AJ. I think youre a very courageous lady to admit you are an alcoholic, at the age of 19, and are willing to better youre life. Some of us took a lot longer before we surrendered.


Its not easy feeling all alone, and being sober.


The big thing is you dont hafta be. If you take in AA meetings in your area you will likely meet new freinds in your age group that you will identify and share with, and your loneliness will disappear.:)


Your drinking freinds will likely disappear also, because thats really all they have in common with you, or a good percentage, anyway.


Your boyfreind sounds like a real supportive and honest guy--not.


I have a son whos been sober for 8 months--hes 21. Hes going through some of the same stuff you are.


Ive been in contact with him, and if youde like an sober email pen pal his address is doigkev@hotmail.com


You dont hafta be alone any more in sobriety, and there a great bunch of new freinds you will meet on this AA board also.


Keep your chin up. :)     Phil


 



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Nic


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"Drinking: A Harmless Way to Have Fun?"

>by A TAO Counselor




Everyone drinks alcohol. It's a safe and harmless way to have fun on a Saturday night, who would challenge that?

For many teenagers, getting into the alcohol is a part of every normal Saturday afternoon or night. For my friends it is anyway. We like it because it makes us feel like someone else, perhaps someone more confident and cheerful. But alcohol can cause some extremely embarrassing moments, sometimes some very regretted decisions, and sometimes violence.

When I was in year eleven at high school, a normal Saturday afternoon was spent in the annex of a caravan in my friend Laura's backyard. It was a bit of a hang out spot for our group of friends, as well as her brothers' friends. This is where it was always happening - the watching satellite television, the drinking alcohol, the smoking weed, the first sexual experiences... we liked to think we were all grown up, and that we were having fun. But I think all of us were hiding something.

On this particular afternoon, some of the guys had started drinking by 2.00pm. I expect they were a little stoned too. Nothing unusual. A large group of us wandered over to David's house nearby to give Janine and Will some privacy in the van, and the drinking continued while we played Nintendo and lazed around on the floor. David got out his slug gun and started shooting at cans in the living room and teasing the dog with the barrel. It was kinda given that the dog wasn't going to last long. After a while some of the girls started yelling at David not to shoot at the dog, but he was much bigger than us and tended to get physically violent when he'd been drinking, so we knew to shut up before things got out of hand.

Laura obviously had a lot of things on her mind, and once the yelling had begun she disappeared into the bathroom looking for a panadol and didn't come out. Meanwhile the two that had been in the van, came over and Janine started on David about the dog too. Janine was the type of person who got loud when she had been drinking and kind of persistently irritating. Obviously David and Janine were bad together - she started to tease him yelling 'come on David, hit me, give it to me', while the rest of us ignored them, still watching the TV. Before long he'd picked her up and thrown her across the room. Her head hit a bottle of port on the mantle piece and she was unconscious before she landed on the slate in front of the fireplace. That woke everyone up, but while by that time everyone was up and yelling at each other, this was still not overly unusual for a Saturday.

At hearing the noise, Laura swallowed every panadol in the packet, as well as anything else she could find in the bathroom, and staggered into the living room to see what was going on. As she walked in, David suddenly went wild in seeing that Janine hadn't come to yet, flinging his arms around and throwing furniture. It was only seconds before he started punching walls and he only stopped once he'd punched both of his arms through the glass sliding door. At seeing the blood he too collapsed onto the floor, and it took six of us to carry him into the bedroom. Janine woke to find some of the guys on the couch shaking and tearful, which set her off again yelling and screaming.

Once in the bedroom, David woke and wouldn't let anyone near him. Anyone who came too close was hit with a chair or a lamp or whatever was closest, and he ordered everyone out of his room so that he could die in peace. Those of us who had only recently learnt first aid at school tried to reassure him that he was okay and convince him that we needed to bandage him and get some help, but he could see the bones and muscle in his arms protruding and wasn't going to let anyone near. Not very conveniently, David didn't have a telephone at his house.

I don't think anyone was really with it by then. I guess most of us were in shock. Some people sat around outside, while others paced up and down the hallway. Of about 15 people, only two were actually trying to do something useful. I tried to coax David into my car while being kicked at and beaten no one seemed to be able to get close enough to help him. His younger brother soon arrived, with his mobile phone, but he wouldn't call an ambulance because he knew he didn't have ambulance cover and couldn't afford the $500 fee. More importantly, he didn't want cops in the house because he'd just received a new esky full of marijuana. A couple of my friends tried to wrestle him to the ground to get his phone, but gave up instead deciding to run down the road to get Laura's parents who might not have left the house yet. It was a while before they arrived, also yelling, and helped to drag David into their car and take him to casualty. Laura's parents were stoned too, and very angry - as they often tended to be.

David was soon taken by flying doctors to the city because his cuts were too severe for country doctors. When he came back a week later he had nearly 60 stitches in his arms, for which he, of course, blamed us. The doctor was extremely angry that it had taken us nearly an hour to get him in to casualty and threatened to call the police. We soon learned that we would all have been up for manslaughter should he have died.

When the plane had taken off, Laura's Dad went off, yelling at us and dragging us back to David's house to vacuum up the glass and scrub the bloodstained carpet well into the night. He even threatened us, warning us not to tell our parents about what had happened tonight, which seemed a little unusual.

When we were done, we all went back to Laura's van where the drinking began again. Some of us were arguing with both Janine and Laura that they too needed to go in to casualty because Janine obviously had a concussion and Laura still looked too woozy. But by then everyone was getting much too drunk to put up much of a fight. Soon everyone had calmed down and we were comforting each other after the shock of such a long night. But Laura's parents were not happy when they heard laughter coming out of the van.

Laura's Dad burst into the van, and sternly told everyone to go home. That seemed fair enough to most of us and everyone took off in various directions. But anyone who was very close to Laura knew that his words meant more. As Laura, Will, Ed, and Janine lived in the van, they had nowhere to go, and Laura's Dad grabbed Will and Ed by the hair, dragged them outside to throw them into a corrugated iron fence, and began beating them. Laura's Mum grabbed Janine and started throwing bricks at her as she ran down the road. Laura, Kay and I ran in the opposite direction to a house down the road where a policeman lived. We knocked for a long time, but no one answered, so we ran further across town to my house where we called the police. They arrived over 45 minutes later and questioned us for another 20, by which time everyone had spread across the town, and Laura's parents were back in bed. Basically they did nothing. We wandered around town looking for houses with the lights on, until eventually we found the others and established that everyone was okay. It was long dawn before we made it back to my house.

It was the first time that all of my friends could claim to remember everything that had happened on a Saturday night, but I don't think we were all that proud. Id like to think that we all learned big lessons from that night, but we were all back in the van the next Friday after school. We were all in trouble at school for not having completed the weekend homework.

Three years later, David has some massive scars that he likes to show off, Janine still has dizzy spells and bad vision from not attending to her concussion, and Will and Laura still get beaten by their parents regularly. They all still drink themselves into oblivion every weekend and are stoned most of the time. This life is still 'normal' to all of them. It probably still will be when they are parents themselves. In fact, Kay is about to have her first child. Other friends of mine are forever scarred by the car accidents they've had when they were stoned. Three have been in put in psyc wards and two in jail. Many of my female friends will never get over their abortions.

But this life doesn't have to be normal forever. I am now living in the city and attending university. I have left this lifestyle behind me and I hope to create for myself the sort of life that my friends don't think they are worthy of. One day I hope to have my own house, a nice husband and my own children to go with my career. My parents are the garbage men, and you've just read about my lifestyle - there are no excuses for putting off your dreams.

If going out and getting drunk is your idea of a normal weekend, it could almost be excused to think that you are a 'normal' teenager. I know you can feel like an outcast if you don't drink, and somewhere teenagers get the idea that this is what they want and what makes them happy. There is nothing at all exceptional about my friends - everyone has their story to tell. But you ARE kidding yourself if you think your Saturday nights out are harmless fun. None of my friends are happy.

I dare you to question yourself as to whether your alcohol consumption has become a way to drown your sorrows and is beginning to cause more harm than good. I guarantee you, if it hasn't yet, it soon will. You can do anything you want to do - please don't let alcohol become normal for your weekends. I know you can make your life worth so much more than that, and you don't have to be trapped, believing in fake alcohol-based happiness.















w w w . t e e n a d v i c e o n l i n e . o r g



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Such is life


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aj  when i was 19 i to,had my weekend of fun and party.but after a few years it was not fun it was a habit.PLEASE dont do as i did. before i knew it 20 some odd years had passed.i missed out on one forth of my life to alcohol.i just dont want u or any one else to get in the trap.life here on earth is very short.you have a chance to change things. if you are willing to go with aa and work the steps. dont hit rock bottom first i wish i could change things but i cant. best i can do is move forward and you can dothat also .please dont waste any years. may god bless you .you are special  wagon

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MIP Old Timer

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welcome ajohnson!!!!


just want to tell you that AA has saved my life. My second home. I would not be where i am today if not for them.


My 16 year old daughter has been to a couple of meetings with me, it really has opened her eyes to alcoholism, not to mention what i've put her through.


you have your whole life ahead of you, to think you have the choice of living it sober!!!


i hope you find what you're looking for.


keep coming back, we need you and you're very important to us.


hugs & hugs, Wendy



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MIP Old Timer

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oh and Nic, thankyou for sharing that story, i read it to my daughter and her friend last night.


hugs to you, Wendy



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