Alcoholism was a lonely business, even though we were surrounded by people who loved us... We were trying to find emotional security either by dominating or by being dependent upon others . . . We still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 252
When I did my personal inventory I found that I had unhealthy relationships with most people in my life- my friends and family, for example. I always felt isolated and lonely. I drank to dull emotional pain. It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self-esteem. First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others.
It's been proved that we alcoholics can't get sober by our willpower. We've failed again and again. Therefore I believe there must be a Higher Power which helps me. I think of that power as the grace of God. And I pray to God every morning for the strength to stay sober today. I know that power is there because it never fails to help me. Do I believe that AA. works through the grace of God?
Meditation For The Day
Once I am "born of the spirit," that is my life's breath. Within me is the life of life, so that I can never perish. The life that down the ages has kept God's children through peril, adversity, and sorrow. I must try never to doubt or worry, but follow where the life of the spirit leads. How often, when little I know it, God goes before me to prepare the way, to soften a heart, or to overrule a resentment. As the life of the spirit grows, natural wants become less important.
Prayer For The Day
I pray that my life may become centered in God more than in self. I pray that my will may be directed toward doing His will.
Hazelden
(Let it be a God or Higher Power of your own understanding)
__________________
Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I grew up in an alcoholic home. It destroyed my self esteem although my parents loved me very much. The personality change of the alcoholic, albeit not conspicuous does destroy the tender mind of a child. My self esteem was damaged by the age of 10. How do I know? Because I watched both my kids grow up in an alcoholic home. I joined AA when they were 2 and 5 years old. They are adults now, with a very high self esteem. I have also observed those families who do not practise the 12 steps. They felt sobriety was enough. Here also the children have become alcoholics or drug addicts. One of the benefits of working the steps in my life, besides attaining sobriety was a profound personality change. Children observe their parents and emulate their behaviour patterns. I could not exercise my authority as a father without first, being an example to them. My recovery dictated the future of my children. EMOTIONAL security is a very important part of working the 12 steps.
loving yourself i think is harder then loving others, at least that is my opinion. i am done having a pity party for myself because i have a job, a roof over my head. both of those may change but i still have my health and my will. i have a forgiving family and a boyfriend that put up with more then he ever should have. he had me listen to this song "angry all the time" by Tim Mcgraw, it is the song i try and live by now. i dont know what the future holds for me, but i hope i will be able to at least love myself in the end.
