Am I going crazy?

camitch · Veteran Member

Am I going crazy?

Larry_H · MIP Old Timer

camitch wrote:

I have been sober since January 31, 2010. I have been feeling better, making better decisions, and getting back into the process of life that the higher power intended. Sounds good? It is!
I just dont feel well today. I had a bad day at work and am reverting back to negative thoughts that always lead me in the wrong direction. I left work and went straight to an AA meeting. Not many people in attendance but some very powerful stories.
The topic tonight was Faith. Listening to people tell their stories of the hope they had when they first entered AA to how it developed into Faith was inspiring. Hearing newcomers say it was hope that bought them in after discovering that AA is responsible for bringing millions of people out of their dependency on alcohol was heartening.
I am new to this and have not read the Big Book, got a sponsor, or started the steps. I have never been good in groups and have not shared in any of the 5 meetings I have attended in the past 9 days. I still feel like an outsider even though I know this is what I want to do and this is the best course of action to take control of my addiction. I just dont feel like I am rowing with both oars in the water.
Thanks for this board allowing me to dump this on and any advise and/or encouragement is welcome.
I think I will eat some pie and go to bed early.

Almost 3 months and you have not started AA yet? I wonder why you don't feel well today? What have you done to make you feel well? Just not drinking won't do it it takes action.

If all you do is go to AA and sit on your ass all you will get is a sore ass.

In case no one has told you what we suggest it is:

1. Pray to God for help. Doesen't matter if you believe or not

2. Don't drink for today 24 hours, Repeat each time you wake up.

3. go to as many meetings as you can and listen and identify with actions and feelings that you have had. Ignore differances and stuff or feelings that you have not experienced. Share what is going on in your life. You are among friends.

4. Get a Big Book, read and study it. Or listen online to the big book every day.

5. Find someone in the meeting that has it all together. Ask them to sponsor you. It doesn't matter if you like them.

6. Work the steps under your sponsor's guidance every day

7. Get active, start welcoming newcomers, offer to make coffee, come early and help set up the meeting room, stay late and help put stuff away.

8. Get lots of phone numbers

9. Use the phone and talk to a sober person everyday. The numbers do no good unless you use them

Keep the faith, if you follow these suggestions your life will get better, if you don't follow these suggestions it will get worse. Its your choice.

Larry,
--------------------
The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny. ~Albert Ellis

-- Edited by Larry_H on Wednesday 21st of April 2010 08:40:54 PM

AGO · MIP Old Timer

The second step states:

2. Came to believe that a power greater then yourself could restore you to sanity

So, Yes, you are insane, but by asking yourself and us if you are insane, that is a sane thought

AA can restore you to sanity, AA is a power greater then you are

Get help, Like I just wrote elsewhere, alone this is a painful and invariably fatal disease, together it's laughably curable

Rob84 · MIP Old Timer

Congrats on your first few months of soberiety, it's amazing the grace God sometimes gives us until we find our way. Sometimes more worrying is the guy that has done everything and has it all figured out after a few months.

You mentioned all the things you need to do, just need to do them.

Make your program and soberiety the #1 priority in your life and good things will come to pass.

Very few of us were good in groups coming in, most never gave of ourselves unless there was some kind of instant payment. The group is where we can learn and give back a little of what we learned. Get to the meeting early and help set-up.

"When you want what we have and are ready to go to any lengths to get it "then" you are ready to take certain steps.

Take care, Rob

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha Camitch...

This is a simple program for complicated people. I've got a few suggestions
from your post here. One is; the stuff you haven't started doing yet? Start
now. Secondly "I am new to this and have not read the Big Book, got a sponsor, or started the steps. I have never been good in groups and have not shared in any of the 5 meetings I have attended in the past 9 days. I still feel like an outsider even though I know this is what I want to do and this is the best course of action to take control of my addiction. I just dont feel like I am rowing with both oars in the water." Share this at the very next meeting you go to. Watch what happens next.

In support..... smile

ljc · MIP Old Timer

You will be rowing with both oars in the water when you read the BB, get a sponsor, a God and work the steps.

Get started, dont wait. Arent you worth it ?????

camitch · Veteran Member

Thanks for all the good advice. I have always had a problem making the simple things more complicated than it needs to be. It's a new day and a good day for a change.

Thanks again.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

No...you aren't going crazy. AA is a lifestyle just like drinking is....you are just being hesitant. Just keep moving forward and work on the willingness....that is all. You are doing fine.

Mark

gonee · MIP Old Timer

I also felt like that when I first came into AA, because that's how I felt outside AA. The thing that we have in common in AA is suffering, whether we are new in AA or many years. Pain is the touchstone to progress, Bill W. used to say. We care, we really do, because we know. So try us.
God Bless,
Gonee.

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

"Am I going crazy?"
No. You've already been crazy and now you are going sane. It will take a while to notice the difference.
"I have never been good in groups and have not shared"
You don't have to.
"AA is responsible for bringing millions of people out of their dependency on alcohol"
No. Millions of AA's are. We do it for each other and ourselves simultaneously.
"I am new to this"
Welcome. You are loved.
"have not read the Big Book, got a sponsor, or started the steps."
Do so. Now.

Peace,
Rob

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hey Camitch, congrats on close to 90 days, that's a miracle, especially with you just auditing AA and not really getting involved. I tried it your way and couldn't get past 2 months sobriety in the first 2 years. Every time that I got a month or two I would start to feel good, think that I could translate not drinking for a few weeks into controlled drinking. In those 2 years a lot of tragic things happened ("yets") that need not have happened. I then became willing to do all that was suggested, in order to stay sober. Right now, you are like a person who has falling overboard from a ship, is treading water in the ocean, and doesn't want to grab the life preserver. Please don't wait, like I did, till you go under a few times and get bitten by a few sharks, till your willing to get picked up and get back onboard. It's a precarious thing that you're doing, standing on the fence deciding if this is something that you want to do or not. It's your disease that's urging you not to participate. Get busy, your life depends upon it.