When I first started putting on a sober karaoke show at a new Alano Club in town, there were so many singers that sometimes people would only get to sing once or twice during the night.
Then it started going downhill. Since I didn't live in the area and was only there once a week, I had no idea what was happening. The owner said that people were tearing down flyers that he had put up. I couldn't understand why anyone in AA would do such a thing.
Finally last week it all clicked. I had been uncomfortable with the fact that the owner, who claimed 23 years of sobriety, was dating a very young girl (perhaps 17 or 18) who was new to the program. But me being only a year sober, I didn't think I could very well say anything about it. Well, I was trying to work the first part of the Serenity Prayer -- but I had completely forgotten about the other two parts. Apparently my fellow AA'ers had not. They voted with their feet, stopped going to the club and tore down his flyers. I finally realized this while talking with the only person who showed up to sing last Sunday.
So I pulled out. I'll just have to find a new place to do my show. I'm sure that this club will probably not be around much longer. Just a word of warning, an Alano Club is only as healthy of a place for recovery as its owner/management is.
-- Edited by FlyingSquirrel on Friday 16th of April 2010 08:50:44 PM
Ouch. That sounds like a bad situation. I feel sad when I hear about clubs or meetings closing or simply shutting down. My home group used to have 20-30 members, but as of late maybe only 8-15 people on average show up, and group conscience consists of our chairman, our trusted servants, and myself. I get upset when I hear people who call this their home group complain about one thing or another. I've been having some issues with some of the people that have been attending, but that's a topic in itself. I hope the best for everyone involved, and will say a prayer for you all tonight.
It happens FS...the program will clean itself when worked. I've seen it happen dozens of times and what is important for me is also the Serenity Prayer and the ability to turn around and walk away. Lead on HP...Lead on!!
I too have seen this kind of thing happen loads of times and experience has shown me it is just that.......HP leading us to where we should be....as individuals and a fellowship.
I used to get aggrieved and a bit panicky if a meeting were to start to deteriorate and close down but I can honestly say that in my experience (in hindsight) it has always been for the best in the long run. A new meeting sets up and flourishes healthily. I have learned to trust in the process and the bigger picture.
I have been to several very good Alano clubs and some not so good.
The best seem to be the ones owned by a corporation of several (the number varies) alcoholics rather than one person. These alcoholics (the owners) seem to be open, honest and tolerant of each other's viewpoints and they display a willingness to accept that their own particular idea on any aspect of running the club may not be the best way.
The clubs that don't do as well all seem to have a large EGO at work somewhere
Like you I follow my HP's guidance, when my gut instinct tells me something isn't right about a particular place I don't go back
Larry, ------------------- GUT = God's Undeniable Truths
I am a non-club kinda person myself these days. Anything I need to get from the program, I can get from a support group, out to coffee, dinner, meeting, pohone calls, visits to eachothers homes. Anyhting I need to GIVE in AA I can give through meetings, rides to metings, out to coffee, dinner, phone calls, visits to others homes or welcome others here into mine....
just where I'm at and intend to stay as far as clubs are concerned. I realize younger folk need these places and activities perhaps, but I am not a kid anymore and need to steer clear of "socialite" type stuff. I too can't take the drama of certain club-oriented stuff anymore!! Blessings to those who can deal with it, i just can't. At 38, it's time for me to grow up!!
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
I am a non-club kinda person myself these days. Anything I need to get from the program, I can get from a support group, out to coffee, dinner, meeting, pohone calls, visits to eachothers homes. Anyhting I need to GIVE in AA I can give through meetings, rides to metings, out to coffee, dinner, phone calls, visits to others homes or welcome others here into mine....
just where I'm at and intend to stay as far as clubs are concerned. I realize younger folk need these places and activities perhaps, but I am not a kid anymore and need to steer clear of "socialite" type stuff. I too can't take the drama of certain club-oriented stuff anymore!! Blessings to those who can deal with it, i just can't. At 38, it's time for me to grow up!!
Joni,
I am thinking of a different kind of club than you refer to. The closest Alano club to my home has 5 AA meetings every day 7 days a week and between meetings you can hang out with sober people and discuss sobriety.
I wish that we had a widespread tradition of Alano clubs over here in the UK. Although I accept how the teaching and experience about Alano clubs can only be as good as the people running/owning them, it would be so great to have an all AA all the time can of place. I'm certainly looking forward to checking the ones in the Vancouver area when I get back there, hopefully later this year.
I am a non-club kinda person myself these days. Anything I need to get from the program, I can get from a support group, out to coffee, dinner, meeting, pohone calls, visits to eachothers homes. Anyhting I need to GIVE in AA I can give through meetings, rides to metings, out to coffee, dinner, phone calls, visits to others homes or welcome others here into mine....
just where I'm at and intend to stay as far as clubs are concerned. I realize younger folk need these places and activities perhaps, but I am not a kid anymore and need to steer clear of "socialite" type stuff. I too can't take the drama of certain club-oriented stuff anymore!! Blessings to those who can deal with it, i just can't. At 38, it's time for me to grow up!!
Joni,
I am thinking of a different kind of club than you refer to. The closest Alano club to my home has 5 AA meetings every day 7 days a week and between meetings you can hang out with sober people and discuss sobriety.
Larry,
Hi Larry, that kind of activity is great. But there is usually a core group of people running it, alcoholics of course, and ours around here also have dances and karaoke and stuff as well.... lots of fun for the newly sober young person, and I guess, old person. But for ME............. which I stated, and for myself and my own recovery, getting involved in the socialite aspect of these clubs has been nothing but drama. Meetings are always a good thing. dances and karaoke and stuff can be a good thing. But for some people, these clubs turn into a place to just hang out and not relaly get or carry the message of AA. And just "hanging out" with a bunch of sick and loinely people can get us alkies into a lot of trouble. Thats all I was saying.
Hey, I know it is not my place, but someone should deliver a royal azz-kicking to that old fart who is moving in on such a young newly sober gal like that. Just my "new women stick with women" mentality, I guess. BUt hey, I have my own ways of being a sick controling person, too. LOL thanks for keeping me in check, Larry.
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Alcoholism is only a symptom of what's wrong with us. Take away the alcohol from an alcoholic and what's left is the "IC" (ick, in other words). We're all sick in so many ways and we all get better in the program. We never get well. Some are sicker than others and some get "well-er" than others quicker. I've known people with many years of sobriety who still 13th Step but that's between them and their Higher Power. It's up to me to just tend to me with my Higher Power's help and not throw stones at what others do. That doesn't make it right that they do what they do, but it does make it off limits for me to criticize or to shun them or to make judgments of them.
See, their Higher Power is at work if they didn't take a drink today. I'm not their Higher Power. If their Higher Power is allowing them to do what they're doing, then who am I to argue? Our Higher Power works in mysterious but wise ways and maybe there's a reason why He allows this.
As for clubs for recovering people, the one here in our little town folded, too. I think it's sad, but it did boil down to EGO in this case, too. That did in quite a few of our meetings here and that's really sad. I've had people ask me in one of our restaurants where one was and we don't have one anymore---we're at a freeway off-ramp, you see, and it's quite a long drive between cities where there's a club for alcoholics.
The only thing I have control of, though, is whether or not I can commit myself to being part of creating another one and at this point, I'm not able to do that. I didn't have control of the ego's that toppled this one but if I had dwelled on the "why" of it, it wouldn't have done any good. I'd have just been taking other peoples' inventories and getting myself some resentments that I might drink over.
In AA you find a whole lot of good examples of what to do---but you also find a lot of good examples of what not to do. We can learn from both.
Alcoholism is only a symptom of what's wrong with us. Take away the alcohol from an alcoholic and what's left is the "IC" (ick, in other words). We're all sick in so many ways and we all get better in the program. We never get well. Some are sicker than others and some get "well-er" than others quicker.
Ellen,
I hope I don't get ICK. My tropical fish caught that and many of them died (LOL)
Come to think it sounds like Alcoholism (many of them died)
Larry, --------------- Just remember, there's a right way and a wrong way to do everything and the wrong way is to keep trying to make everybody else do it the right way. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
