Every meeting I go to is an opportunity to get rid of self. I am a very self-centred person. When I am working with other alcoholics, I have no time to think of myself. I did not come to AA to improve my standard of living. I came here primarily to find a solution for my alcoholism. They suggested meetings. I go to meetings. They suggested that I work the 12 steps. I work the 12 steps. Simple- but not easy. A price had to be paid. Who said AA was free? If I stay away from meetings, I become selfish. The first manifestation of self, for me is resentment. I become judgemental. The speaker is bad. They are a click.etc. All these years of sobriety has not brought me any immunity against self. "And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid." BB pg 62. "His aid" is more often found at the meetings. My worst days were taken to the meetings. Nowadays I take my good days to the meetings, to help some poor soul overcome his bad day. One of my sponsees, a chronic relapser, came me today at the meeting, to tell me he is 51 days sober with a car full of newcomers. That's worth more than gold. I don't like gold any way. God bless, Gonee.
One of my manifestations of self that I struggle with is "terminal uniqueness" especially with regards to the program: focusing on the ways that I am different from the speaker rather than the commonalities. In other words, comparing before identifying. I pray to maintain an open mind... and when I hear something that sounds like me and my disease, I repeat silently while listening: "I am just like you, I am just like you".
It's my disease that wants to separate me from other alcoholics. My Higher Power wants me in community with other addicts.
Thank God that I'm not really as "unique" as I think I am sometimes!
M
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"I answer to two people, myself and God... and I don't give a s#*% what anyone else thinks of me."-- Cher
Thanks Gonee, totally agree about meetings. I just love going to them, going to familiar ones, trying new ones, going to my home group. It's so true, the opportunity to get out of myself and be part of "us."
