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Post Info TOPIC: back out now back in
jonijoni1


MIP Old Timer

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back out now back in
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Relapse.... some hate the word even being used, but dammit, it is what it is. Sobriety lost its priority in my life and I CHOSE to start drinking again. Loneliness? Divorce problems? Whatever the excuse may be, I looked for that sense of ease and comfort and I got it... temporarily. It led to the drugs, which led to the tearing up of my already awful and lonely home life. Now the wagons are circled and the old man wants to be my knight in shining armor, go figure. Very sick situation, well, we are sick people so go figure.

I quit my job prior to the big blow out. I knew exactly what I was doing. I am still in school online, and it is a real blessing that I am as it is one very healthy facet of my daily life on top of the program of recovery and my daily reprieve.

I damaged nerves in my right hand while I was high one night. I had not slept for days and literally passed out with my hand twisted up under my weight. I woke 6 hours later with no feeling in the last 3 fingers of my right hand, and this was a week ago, and the feeling has not come back, nor can I flex or extend the hand at all. I see a specialist next week. This may very well be permanent. Thank God that he spared the index finger and thumb, I cannot hold a pencil or a paint brush (gasp and God help my poor artistic soul- I may also never play the piano again!!!) but I can peck out what I need to say on the computer keyboard and that in itself is a miracle and a huge blessing.

Sponsor and family members in Al Anon are behind me 100%, now I just have to get behind myself via my Higher Power as well.

Take care all and prayers that never stop is what we all need, even when we don't realize it.
Joni

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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do
that which you have no ability to do.
leeu


MIP Old Timer

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Back in is what matters---glad you are seeing a doc about your hand-sorry your relapse progressed into drinking/using--sounds awful. So glad you made it through alive.

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Willingness is the key.
StPeteDean


MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 6464
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Oh Joni, I don't know what to say except I'm glad that you're back. You know we all get @$$ deep in alligators from time to time but we just have to slay them one at a time. We can't run from them. Praying hard about your hand, drink lots and lots of water and move those fingers around manually while you think about moving them.

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 Gratitude = Happiness!





soberdrunk


MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 819
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Glad you are back Joni!

I too slept on my hand and lost feeling. For me it was my thumb and forefinger. Feeling did eventually come back after a few weeks so have hope!
Dig in deep to this sober living thing and don't let go my friend!

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Justin S.
Larry_H


MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 1008
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Welcome back Joni.    It takes what it takes.

Larry,
----------------
You never have to drink again.

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bigv


Veteran Member

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Posts: 32
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Hopefully that last reservation is gone joni ? glad your back stay back now work through all the crap using the program and higher power, spiritual principles, it's tough I know trust me there but it can be done one day or hor at a time, this too shall pass.

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And God said to me  "I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger" , Uh yeah I got sober LOL....
Aquaman


MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 1201
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Dear Toni,
Welcome Back. We left a light on for you.

You're doing the right thing now, and that's all that matters.
Stay breathing and sober and for God's sake stay the hell away from that evil sh*t that kept you up for three days.

We love you too much to lose you. smile.gif

Even if the nerves were severed, they'll grow back. 13 years agao I almost cut my right forearm off with a radial-arm saw. Once a nerve is re-connected it takes about 1 year per inch for full function to return. My right hand is a little atrophied, but not badly. Do whatever the physical therapist & neuroligist tell you to do.

You are, and always heve benn, an inspiration to me.

Peace,
Rob


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I alone can do it...but I can't do it alone.
Just Toni


MIP Old Timer

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Hi Joni,

Prayers to you dear, that you are back for the long haul, one day at a time....

Love,

Toni

-- Edited by Just Toni on Saturday 10th of April 2010 04:01:07 PM

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louisa


Senior Member

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Posts: 463
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Joni,
Sending you a BIG BIG HUG and loads of love.........
Like has been said ...back in is what matters,
Louisa xx

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Sober today thanks to the Miracle of AA
Sobrietyspell


MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 3057
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Dear JoniJoni I can relate so much to that vulnerability you left yourself to where sobriety left its place out front & slid backwards to a place where alcohol etc seemed the better, easier option for a release. I hope I don't ever let myself go so far but I know I'm eligible too. I wonder if a wander in here & a regular catch up would have helped? I know I've missed you & I'm sure others have too judging by the love you have in these responses. I hope you'll trust in us again in the future 1Day@aTime & you may not have to do this again. I'm glad there's hope for your hand. It could have been so much worse & we don't know what for next.

I hope you're very happy to be sober today & that each day feels like a new beginning each morn from now that you wake. This is such a dangerous disease & I believe wholeheartedly that any one of us could be taken out next though I'll emphasise this for myself if I don't do the suggested things & include taking loving care of me while I offer what I can for others. Stay closely circled in all of your support network. We don't have to do this alone. I hope you can feel our strength just like we enjoy yours when you visit MIP. God knows we do this together. Keep coming back, Joni! Love you, Danielle x

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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Ellen E


Senior Member

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Posts: 111
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The important thing is that you came back. Always come back---that's why they always say at the end of meetings here "keep coming back!" For me, it got harder each time I came back, but this last time it finally stuck! I pray this is the same for you.

One day at a time, one step at a time, just keep going to meetings and keep hanging in there! It will work for you if you work at it.

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itsmichael


Veteran Member

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Posts: 87
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Your Higher Power won't ever give up on you. Welcome back! ((hugs)) Help yourself to some coffee and grab a seat.

Michael

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"I answer to two people, myself and God... and I don't give a s#*% what anyone else thinks of me."-- Cher
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