Tomorrow I leave for my trip. I will be seeing my very best friends. They are the ones who bailed me out of jail when I got my drunk driving. My husband was out of town. They are our family. Yes, they do drink, but not like me. They have the shut off button. They will love me even if I do not drink anymore. We are that close. They had to move because of the economy and my husband and I miss them terribly.
I am wondering what it will be like with some other friends when I quit. I wonder if we will still hang out. I will not be able to be around people who are drinking for a while, I clearly know that. I will just be pissy. That is how I am.
I called the local counseling place and they do not take my insurance. My insurance will pay half of substance abuse counseling. It is $80/session. I called Catholic Human Services, but they must have been closed. I left a message that I wanted to make an appointment and my number, but they never called back. :( I know they take my insurance because I had to go after my drunk driving for legal purposes. Of course I lied about my problem then. They probably could see right through me though.
My feelings are all over the place now that the day is growing closer. I will do it though. My husband even said that I have strong willpower.
I talked to my husband about going to meetings in town and he thinks it is a great idea. He said who cares.....wear this like a badge of honor. You have admitted to having a problem and are doing something about it.
I probably won't get on here until I get back. When I do get back I want to check in daily. I am in a runner's check in and that helps me stay on track with my workouts. I think it will help me, actually, I know it will.
Hope all are doing ok. I will be back. I think I will read some of the Big Book online from my phone on my layover tomorrow.
Awesome Franny! one day at a time,great to see support from your husband.We'lL leave the light on! Trust in your HP ,MAKE MEETINGS ANOTHER GREAT IDEA.Use your tools..................:)
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Hi Franny, I had planned on a meeting tonight. I am so ashamed, I am drinking instead. I sent my 9th grader to Guademala to help in any way she can. She wanted to go so much at first, and now she thinks it is foolish and awful and I am very stressed about sending her. I cried for 2 hrs after I was told I would hear. Then I heard they were safe, just now, and talked to the next on the phone tree. Lo and be hold her child felt the same anamonsity about going. With all the said, I have been stressed. I drove my girl at 330 in the AM to go on the trip, even tho she begged me not to make her. Husband on business trip, no help. Found out tonight that husband will not be home until return after trip. She is gonna be devastated, but he wouldnt tell her. He is leaving it up to me. I am pissed. She loves her Dad, and she is gonna take it out on me. I am drinking. I suck. My husband wants me to stop but causes the opposite. I feel so sad and desperate.
Your husband doesn't hold you down and pour the alcohol down your throat. You're the reason you drink, not him. You must not have planned very hard to get to a meeting because if you had, you'd have gone to one. You managed to get up at 3:30am to send your little girl off on a trip she didn't want to make, so how hard would it have been to get yourself to a meeting, too?
Are you stressed that you sent your daughter on the trip when she didn't want to go because you wanted to drink and she wouldn't have wanted you to? That's how it would have been for me. I felt so guilty when I drank because I knew I wasn't doing the right things for my family so it was easier for me not to have them around when I drank. Especially my kids. If I could find somewhere else to send them to, even if they didn't want to go and begged me not to make them, then I could drink in peace. I usually didn't have a husband around because as soon as they thought my drinking was a problem, I'd divorce them.
Get honest, get sober, and get on with it. That's the only way to make sure this stops happening to you and to your family. We all have to do it if we want sobriety. What would it take for you to hit bottom and really want sobriety more than you want to drink? Once you figure that out, then imagine something even worse than that and you'll probably have found the bottom I had to hit. You don't have to go as low as I did. You can quit while you still have your little girl and your husband.
Are you stressed that you sent your daughter on the trip when she didn't want to go because you wanted to drink and she wouldn't have wanted you to? That's how it would have been for me. I felt so guilty when I drank because I knew I wasn't doing the right things for my family so it was easier for me not to have them around when I drank. Especially my kids. If I could find somewhere else to send them to, even if they didn't want to go and begged me not to make them, then I could drink in peace.
When you are done,CeeCee,make an admission,surrender,come to a meeting and find a new way to live..You will have to want this,we rationalize more things about why we use except our own honesty.Come on in from the storm,one day at a time,you never have to drink alcohol again..We;ll be here waiting,,,,
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
