I'm 37, and have finally come to grips with the fact I'm an alcoholic. I have not had a drink for 14 days. I'm trying to kick the nicotine habit too, I almost think it sucks worse so far. Anyway Im looking for some advice, or maybe just a thought. At this point, is it normal to feel like a child, like everything you know is gone, like your life has been a lie. I just want to crawl under a rock sometimes.
I'm right there with you. 37 yrs. old and not much too show for it. Alcohol consumed me, not to mention nicotine. Life gets better only if I put the work into it. If I go to A.A. meetings, get a sponsor, and work the steps, I give myself a chance at being happy without the drink. For me the only alternatives to being sober are jails, institutions, and death. Tough choice, ???
Dadx5, I know how you feel. I've been sober for 4 days and have been hesitant to get in touch with people in my life. I work from home, so it's easy for me to stay here and not engage in the outside world. I feel comfort in being alone.
What helped is going to my first AA meeting tonight. I felt great when I left. It was nice to be in the company of others going through the same thing.
Since I'm very new to sobriety I don't know how much I can really say except to embrace the support from the people here on MIP and go to meetings. That's what everyone keeps telling me to do. Come back here often and share how you're doing.
Way to go on 14 days. That's HUGE! For me, coming to grips with my alcoholism was rather easy, it was the "My life was unmanageable" part that got in the way. I can tell you that when I got sober I felt like a small, scared, lonely, foolish little child. All I could do was look back on my past and see all the destruction I caused, and I felt awful about it. I was told to forget about my past, because there was nothing I could do to change it. All I could do was push on, one day at a time, and try to do the next right thing. After I started getting a little sanity back in my life (by working the steps with my sponsor), I was able to realize that it's true, I can't change my past, but I can learn from it and remember where I was so I don't have to go back there again.
I have to commend you on quitting nicotine, but try and put into perspective what the most important thing is here. I needed to focus ALL my effort on getting and staying sober, so I put the quitting smoking on hold for a while. After a few 24 hours (and a recent diagnoses of emphysema) I've decided to give it up to my HP and start working the steps to quit (but only for today) ;). If you feel like it's making things harder, don't let it get in the way of your sobriety, and certainly don't beat yourself up over it. Keep not drinking one day at a time, get to meetings, and do what they suggest, and things will get better.
Yep, I've been there, too. I remember exactly how it felt, sitting in an old schoolbus where my youngest daughter and I had been living, thinking to myself that other people my age had homes and respectable lives for their families at my age. Their kids were teenagers and could live normal lives, proud of having a house to live in. I had nothing and my poor little girl had to get off the schoolbus at OUR old schoolbus where we were living next to a bar in a little roadside pull-out with electric hookups called Rooster's Landing in Northern California. Not days to be proud of, that's for sure. But one thing for sure was that I wasn't drinking even though we lived right next door to a bar and I was promised that things would get better if I kept going to meetings and following suggestions.
It's quite some time ago that I was there. That daughter and her three older siblings are all grown up and two of my grandchildren that I've raised since they were born are almost grown up now, too. Thanks to the program of AA and staying sober one day at a time, none of my grandkids have ever seen me drink. They find it hard to believe I ever did drink, in fact. And they don't believe I ever smoked, either.
Smoking was a tough addiction for me. Old-timers in meetings wisely told me, though, not to quit too much at once. They told me to quit drinking and get that down first and that my Higher Power would deal with the cigarettes later. About 4 years into sobriety, my Higher Power did take that, too. I know if I had tried to quit both at once, I probably wouldn't have made it.
To answer your question, SURE---I felt like my whole world was gone! My only friend was gone when I didn't have the bottle anymore. That's why I had to go to AA and learn how to live without it.
My heart goes out to you. I'm newly sober...6 days...or is it 5? Who knows.... anyway, I was set to try and quit smoking soon but I realized, for me, that I had to put the plug in the jug first. I know when I'm stronger in sobriety I have a better chance at finally putting the butts down after all these years, but everytime I have tried to quit them in the past, it was drinking that always led me back to smoking. Always!
So I'm tackling one addiction at a time. I wish you success one day at a time...go to meetings and follow as many suggestions as you can. That's what's keeping me sober today!
M
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"I answer to two people, myself and God... and I don't give a s#*% what anyone else thinks of me."-- Cher
Hey Dadx5 welcome and thanks for being here. Congrats on your 14+ days! We're all in this sobriety game together and we know exactly how you fell.
I'm not a smoker, but everyone I know in the AA Fellowship who wanted to quit smoking made sure that they had some sobriety through AA first, "First things first." As you know,. we all feel pretty jangled and odd in early sobriety -- they said that having nicotine withdrawal on top of that would have been too much for them. Lots of them have since quit smoking too. Just passing on what others have told me.
Welcome and congratulations on 14 days and good job on hitting meetings, the feelings you are having are absolutely normal for many of us, mainly because they are appropriate. Drinking does stunt us emotionally and many of spent many years wasting our lives drinking instead of living full and fruitful lives, however in AA these get turned into our biggest asset as we then use those very same experiences to help others.
Looking back I wouldn't change a thing. Except maybe be a fighter pilot...and not wet the bed that time and ....oh never mind, you get the drift
As far as quitting smoking, personally I waited until I hit the 2 year mark (started smoking again a few years later) but have many friends who didn't feel "sober" if they continued smoking so they quit both at once at well, 3 of my close friends quit both at the same time off the top of my head and all 3 have been sober well over 20 years. (edit sorry my bad Lawrence only has 18 years)
I might have struggled with it personally, as in I couldn't do it, but it is and has been done to quit both at the same time to start sobriety by many, so if you are being successful please don't let anyone giving you well meaning advice derail you from quitting smoking, if however, you do find it too much, many of us do quit at a later date, frequently at the one or 2 year mark. It's not "failure" if you are able to give up just drinking, it's still 100% success.
I think the Big Book has some good things to say about personal decisions such as smoking, this is penned about our sexual ideal, but I think it's applicable here:
Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. In other words, we treat "smoking" as we would any other problem. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come, if we want it.
God alone can judge our "smoking" situation. Counsel with persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge.
So if you are able to quit both and are being successful at it, my hat is off to you, heaven knows I tried to quit smoking many times and I pray for your continued abstinence in both harmful and deadly substances.
Take those 2 out of the equation and you remove 2 out 3 of the leading causes of death here in the united states and without them you have a much greater chance to play with your grandchildren and great grandchildren.
You are doing something right, so keep doing what you are doing.
-- Edited by AGO on Thursday 1st of April 2010 11:19:58 AM
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
There are some decent smoking cessation aids these days, so maybe a chat with a good doctor who understands alcoholism and other addiction processes, like nicotine, might be worth your time. There are some that are not nicotine replacements and they are proving to be more effective in providing for a less painful withdrawal and showing better odds of staying off.
Sometimes the rationale that not drinking is so much more important than not smoking is just an excuse to give self or others "permission" to keep using without running the risk of being judged. No easy answers, and no easier, softer way! It is an extremely tough addiction and the alcoholism only compounds the problem, EVEN WHEN the alcoholism is in remission!
Withdrawal from nicotine is physiologically the same, or worse, as with cocaine (research on brain chemistry has proved this). There is absolutely nothing wrong with utilizing appropriate, monitored, medical oversight to get through it. As tough as it is to do "both" at once, if there is sufficient involvement of a good health care professional, it may be easier in the long run to enter sobriety being drug-free as well. The odds of kicking the nicotine addiction later--without relapsing to alcohol--are not real good, according to some studies. It increases the risk of relapse. Then again, of course, nothing works the same for everybody.
I am 37 now...and with a year and a half sober...I did feel like a child for quite some time, but that changed slowly over time and has gotten better as I stayed sober. A year and a half is a while, but not that long to feel this much better in contrast. I quit smoking too..but that was only last month...quitting both at once would have been sheer torture...best of luck there.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
When I decided to get sober, I felt pretty much so just like you explained. And yeah , my whole life was nothing but a big fat lie. I couldnt deny that.
The ppl in the rooms of AA kept saying " Keep coming back , it'll get better ". Well, I believed them for whatever reason and did keep going back and it has gotten better.
Altho .. at first 'it' didnt get better. 'I' got better, and as a result of that happening, 'it' got better as my attitude toward life and all that is in it changed.
AA is partially a program of change and change We must or we die. That is if we are the 'real' alcoholic that our literature talks about.
Dont give up, keep comin around the meetings. Get a same sex sponsor, a big book a God of your understanding and work the steps.
When I decided to get sober, I felt pretty much so just like you explained. And yeah , my whole life was nothing but a big fat lie. I couldnt deny that.
The ppl in the rooms of AA kept saying " Keep coming back , it'll get better ". Well, I believed them for whatever reason and did keep going back and it has gotten better.
Altho .. at first 'it' didnt get better. 'I' got better, and as a result of that happening, 'it' got better as my attitude toward life and all that is in it changed.
AA is partially a program of change and change We must or we die. That is if we are the 'real' alcoholic that our literature talks about.
Dont give up, keep comin around the meetings. Get a same sex sponsor, a big book a God of your understanding and work the steps.
