This is literally my second day of sobriety. I've had issues for years where I'm fine, very functional, no problems, and then I binge drink. I do it because I'm not dealing with the stress in my life and lately there's been a lot of stress in my life. I've tried to quit before but it typically only lasts about 3 months and then I convince myself that this time it'll be different. I know I've been lucky that I never hurt (physically) anyone and that I've always gotten home safe and sound.
The worst part is that I have an amazing husband and 2 wonderful kids. I want to be the wife and mom that they deserve. That's why I've got to make this work. I even put up a sign in our kitchen with their names on it and I'm going to make a checkmark every day that I am sober. I hope this will remind me that they are more important that any drink I might be tempted to take.
I'm new and it seems like I have to take it minute by minute, hour by hour, and eventually day by day. I just want to know if it will get easier? I know I'll never be rid of this disease, but does it get easier?
Welcome to MIP and congrats on your second day without enemy #1. Putting down alcohol was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it was also the most worth while. Speaking from my own personal experience, it absolutely does get better, but it takes time and allot of work. You didn't mention anything about AA or what/how many you'll be going to. What are your plans there? Do you have a big book? Remember that this program is about just not picking up that first drink, and doing it one day (or even minute or minute) at a time. Once you've got a sponsor and have started the steps you'll be amazed at how much better life gets. There is not a single part of my life that hasn't been touched or changed by this very simple program. I'm seeing the promises of AA come true for be daily, and life today as a recovering alcoholic is simply wonderful. It's still life on life's terms, but without alcohol I can actually think clearly and act instead of react. The changes don't happen over night, but if I look I can see them happening little by little every day. Stay strong, and get to meetings as soon as you can.
Welcome to the family! Congrats on 2 days.I can only suggest getting around people in recovery,find a Higher Power that you can form a relationship with and know your disease.I know its early in your process but making a meeting,thinking about a sponsor,and doing some work can take you to another level.It does get easier and the obsession/compulsion will be lifted,but the disease always lurks and lays in waiting so we must remain vigilante.For "today" you don't have to drink!!!!Keep coming back and let us know how you are doing.We all have varying degrees of sickness and recovery and are here for each other.Share as if your life depends on it,because in the long run it really does...You have taken a big step showing up here,continue forward on the journey"one day at a time"..Remember also as much as you want to be "a good wife and mother" you have to do this for yourself first....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Thank you for the advice and insight. My problem is that I have social phobia (I know, add another thing to my list of problems!) and frankly the idea of going to a meeting is very scary to me. That's why I think I'm attracted to this format. I can share without all the anxiety of being in a group. I know I'm going to have to go at some point, but it really scares me right now. I do not have the book, but will get it.
Just being able to read about other people's experiences and knowing that I'm not alone is helping. Right now I'm ashamed and think I need to accept that this is a disease and not my fault. I look forward to things getting easier. All the times I've been sober I've really liked it, but I just have to resist the temptation that will eventually come my way. Thank you for taking the time to write. It helps :)
Thank you. It helps to have so much support from the members of MIP. I'm happy to have found such a great support already. I will continue to build my network of sober people and at least I know that I have a place to come when my demon comes back to tempt me. I appreciate all the advice and kind words. Looking forward to day 3!!!
My experience is that as long as I follow the suggestions of those who have gone this way before me and the 12 Steps of AA it gets easier. Not just easier but my life gets much better that I had ever hoped for.
I came in to learn how to stop drinking and I found out that the drinking was only a symptom of my disease of Alcoholism. I had to learn how to treat the disease not the symptoms.
How? by attending AA, following the suggested AA program, sharing with others and asking questions of those who seemed to have the quality of life that I so wanted so badly.
It takes time, be kind to yourself and give yourself the time to get better.
We all care and understand about each other, you do not have to be lonely and or feel that no one understands you ever again.
AA is the center of my sobriety, I cannot do it without AA. Give it a try, what do you have to lose?
Larry, -------------------------------------- Though no-one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end.
Jennifer, Welcome to the board. We were all scared when we made the decision to put down the drink. It was our solution for so many of us. The social phobia was also a symptom I had when I came to AA. It was a symptom of my diesase of Alcoholism. Fear, doubt and insecurity. What I found was, I was right at home with meetings. Others knew the way I felt and could relate and show support. Part of what we do is Face Everything And Recover.. FEAR. We learn to walk through our fears with love, support and compassion of people just like us. I couldn't do it- but WE can. Hope you go to a meeting soon.
Jennifer- Glad to see you posting... Your post sounds just like my first post... Happily married with 2 kids and a great husband, but relying on drinking to handle stress. No major consequences yet... but it was beginning to impact my marriage, definitely my happiness. I was scared to go to meetings at first, too, but I've grown to love them and actually look forward to them. Got my 30 day medallion this weekend and it was awesome. Feel free to send me a personal message if you'd like to chat more. Laurie
Laurie, Congratulations on 30 days! That's awesome. I will definitely keep in touch. Please sned me a personal message too, any time. I'll try to help too :) Congrats again!
I was weak at the 90-day mark, too. And I can't tell you how many times I quit drinking. It was a lot! Quitting wasn't the hard part for me, though. Staying stopped was my problem. I also found out that drinking wasn't my problem----sobriety was! I couldn't figure out how to live sober long term. I knew how to live when I was drinking---or at least I thought I did.
I had four kids that I loved more dearly than my own life. But they couldn't keep me sober, either. I knew I was cheating them, humiliating them, putting them into danger, and neglecting them. I hated myself for it. I'd promise them I'd quit and then pretty soon, off I'd go again. And when I started drinking again, it would be "Oh, I'm just going to go down and have a couple of drinks with the girls and then I'll come home with stuff for dinner." I might not come home for days after that and no telling what the kids found to eat. You might not be that bad right now, but if you're an alcoholic, you'll get that bad and worse.
I drank during my last pregnancy so heavily that my youngest daughter, who was conceived in a blackout fathered by someone not my husband, suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome, I think, at least to some degree and I know she suffers from PTSD due to an experience she went through with me that almost cost both our lives. And she now has hepatitis C---A strain, which doesn't respond to treatment very often---and there's a possibility I may outlive her. She got that from sharing needles with a meth addiction. God willing, I won't outlive her, though. I don't think I could handle losing a child. You can't go back and undo something like that. No amends can fully make that alright.
But you don't have to go there if you stop drinking.
For me, going to AA meetings and following the suggestions of the people there who had managed to stay sober long term was the only thing that helped me get sober and stay sober. I didn't know how to do that on my own. In fact, I still can't do that on my own. I had to admit I couldn't do it alone, try AA and follow in the footsteps of people I met in those meetings who had the answers.
Alcoholism is like an elevator going down toward hell. You can go as far down as you want or you can get off the elevator at the floor that says "Alcoholics Anonymous" and see if you find your answers there. If you don't like that floor, you're perfectly free to get back on the elevator and drink some more. But remember---the elevator only goes down if you're an alcoholic. You have to take some steps to get on the road back up and you can only find the steps at AA meetings.
Thank you for sharing your story. It really demonstrates how powerful this disease is. I work in the medical arena and learn about diseases every day, but there's no "pill" that will fix this. I'm looking forward to day number 3. Until I get to a meeting I am waking up grateful for feeling good, for doing the best for me and my family, and for all the support I'm getting.
On a separate note, I'm very familiar with Hep C and there are new drugs that are coming out starting next year that are expected to help the 50% or so of patients who are not currently responding to treatment. So there's hope for your daughter. I will be thinking of you both tonight.
Jennifer & Ellen, Thank you both for sharing your Experience, Strength and Hope with us. It's honesty which you both displayed here that provides hope for the alcoholic who still suffers. It's also a good reminder for those that've been around for awhile. Keep coming back and help us stay sober.
Well, I tried to go to a meeitng this morning. Unfortunately, after getting up the courage to go, I couldn't find it. Ugh. There's another meeting this afternoon and I'll see if I can make it. So disappointed.
You couldn't find the meeting? Or you couldn't find the courage again?
Either way, if it was the actual location you couldn't find, there's Yahoo maps you could try and you can even print the map out. If you don't have a printer, then just draw it out for yourself on a piece of paper from what you see on the map.
Also, ask yourself this question----if that was a bar or a liquor store and you really wanted a drink, how hard would you try to find the place? :)
Call Central Office and find another meeting for today. Then try Yahoo maps and print out the map. Then pretend it's that bar or liquor store you're looking for and try as hard to find the meeting as you would to find the bar or liquor store if you wanted a drink. I'll bet you'll find a meeting you can get to this time.
If you're still having problems, you can call Central Office again and ask for someone to come to you. People will come to your house and talk to you or you can usually get a ride to your meeting that way.
Don't worry what they'll think if someone comes to your house and you don't have your housework done. That was always my worry. They'll send another woman, they won't send a man, and chances are she'll have had a mess just like your mess when she first got sober, so no need to worry she's going to be judgmental of your housekeeping. We're not here to give anybody housekeeping awards. We just want to help you achieve sobriety.
Sorry, I misspoke. I couldn't find the actual meeting location. I was at the church but it had several buildings and several doors to each. I wandered around for about 20 minutes looking for the meeting, but figured I wasn't going to find it. I still don't know what happened.
Trust me, I ran around that place in the pouring rain, so I was definitely determined to go. Now I think I could do it and not be nervous. There are several more meetings in my area today so I will try to get out, but work and kids will make it hard.
Thanks Mike. Hoping to go today, if not, probably tomorrow. Looking forward to it.
Plenty of hours left in Today, if kids are an issue many meetings have child care, and if not, I for one have spent may many meetings playing with children outside so their mother can get to a meeting, many alkies are more then happy to do likewise, it's the best meetings we never attended.
Personally I have a great time and so do the kids because the truth is they recognize in me a nature as lawless as their own weeeeeee
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
AGO, I love it! Sounds like you're a great babysitter :) It's good to know that if I have to get to a meeting that I have some options.
There's a meeting tomorrow am that I will be able to make. Tonight I'm staying in with my wonderful, supportive husband and spending some quality time with the kiddos.
I can't tell you the number of meetings I've been to where there were kids right in the meeting. And there's Ala-tot and Ala-teen meetings for kids, too. You might check into those in your area to see if you can find some. The ones here are held in the same place as the AA meetings but just in a different room. I had four kids when I first got sober and couldn't ever use not having a babysitter for an excuse.
I had an oldtimer remind me once that I wasn't so anxious to spend time with hubby and the kids when I wanted a drink. Suddenly getting the idea that they were more important than meetings was my disease trying to sucker me into believing they were more important than sobriety, too.
Having a husband and kids who wanted to spend time with me didn't stop me from drinking. I had to be willing to go to the same lengths to get sober that I'd have gone to to get a drink. My husband and kids were very happy to do without me at meeting times since it meant sobriety and not drunken times again.
You'll have to hit meetings when you're truly sincere about wanting to stop drinking. When you really want to stop, we'll be here. Something that's true for us all is that sobriety has to come first---before anything else.
I am so angry and frustrated right now and need to vent. This would generally be a trigger for me to drink so I hope that you'll allow me the opportunity to vent here so that I don't do it.
I was supposed to go to a meeting at 9:30 this morning. Plan was that my husband would come home from his morning meeting at 8:55, I would drop the kids off at school at 9:05, and drive directly to the meeting for 9:30 (because the school is on the way to the meeting. PERFECT!). We were ready to go, but my husband doesn't show up until 9:15. So my kids are late for school and there's no way for me to get to the meeting.
I know that some of you may be thinking that I'm trying to avoid the meetings, but I'm not. Me and my kids were dressed and sitting at the door with our coats on for 20 minutes. He called to say he was going to be late, but that's typical for him! It's not some way for him to be unsupportive of my sobriety. He does this ALL THE TIME!!!
So my first instinct is to say, well, if you can be irresponsible, then so can I! Why am I working so hard to stay sober and be a better wife to you? But I'm not. I've vented and I'm not going to drink today. I woke up and made another checkmark on my sign in the kitchen and I touched and read the names of my husband, kids, and parents and I'm honoring the promise I made this morning to not drink.
It's going to be a hard day 4, but it will be another successful one. Thanks for letting me vent!
Whenver I am faced with a situation that I don't like I always try to put it into perspective. I ask myself is this really going to matter five years from now? Usually my answer if I am honest with myself is no it won't matter five years from now.
By doing this I can concentrate on lifes really important stuff instead of cluttering my brain with minor irritations.
Larry -------------------- When God closes one door, He always opens another- but sometimes He makes us wait out in the hallway for a while
The kids were late to school. You could have been late to the meeting, too. It doesn't matter if you get to meetings late. Nobody cares. Just come on in quietly and sit down. There will still be something good you'll hear that will be of use to you even if it's almost over. Even if you get there when it's already over, you can mingle and ask questions and maybe even get to go out to coffee and chat awhile. It's all good, like the kids say.
Do you not have a car of your own so you're sharing a car? If you have your own car, just take the kids to school yourself next time and if he comes home late and you're not there, it serves him right, doesn't it? That's how I'd feel. Or sit down and give Central Office a call and just chat with whoever answers the phone. Our Central Office volunteers lead a pretty quiet life so they're usually glad to have someone call and just talk to them. That's almost as good as a meeting.
Anyway, the important thing is not to take a drink over it. Just find another meeting tonight and use the car to go to that one. Or have him take you. No need to get mad at him and nurse a resentment till you drink over it. And certainly don't fight with him in front of the kids over it, either.
Where there's a will, there's a way. When your will to stay sober gets strong enough, you'll find a way to get to a meeting.
-- Edited by Ellen E on Wednesday 31st of March 2010 12:12:12 PM
Thanks everyone. Ellen, we have 2 cars but one is out of commission right now so I had to share with him. That will be fixed soon.
I finally made it to a meeting tonight! My first meeting. It was nice to be with a group of people going through things just like me. I might try to make a 7:00 am meeting tomorrow, just to start the day off right.
Way to go! I live for my meetings today. Anytime I'm dealing with things out of my control (which is pretty much everything) I catch myself thinking "God, I need a meeting right now". Keep going back, and maybe even try doing what they tell you to do. I did and it worked for me.
When I was drinking, I got so I couldn't wait for the bars to open. I counted the minutes till I could get into the bar.
When I started getting sober, I got the same way about meetings. I'd count the minutes till I could get in and talk to somebody. I was usually the first one there and the coffee wouldn't even be made yet. Sometimes nobody would even be there to unlock the door yet. LOL
Jennifer, Nice job getting to a meeting. The ease and contentment I got from drinking.... in the beginning... has been replaced with the ease and contentment I get from working a solid AA program. Jump in the life raft and start paddling and enjoy your journey to a new and improved life.
Actually, I need to qualify this. I found AA three years before I got sober this time. The very first time I went, in 1982, I didn't want to be sober, really. I just wanted somebody to show me how to "take the edge off" and feel that mellow feeling without drinking. I didn't know I was going to find out you can't substitute other substances for booze and that I just had to work at sobriety and be willing to go to any lengths. Once I did find that out, though, I figured "OK, I'm still young and cute and witty and lots of guys have eyes my direction" so I became a "social AA". See, I had some other addictions besides my alcoholism and it worked pretty well to substitute one of them for sobriety---relationship addiction seemed cool. I didn't know I was addicted to them, though. I had to almost die of that, too, because I liked the bad boys, not the nice ones who treated a lady good.
Anyway, when I came back the last time, I was mortified and humiliated to come crawling back again. Not so cute, not so young, not so witty anymore. Just purely beaten down and ready to go to any lengths and to admit that I wasn't the AA Wonder Kid. I was just another drunk and I needed what you had and had finally, at long last, become willing to go to any lengths to get it, whether guys liked me or not. By then I'd learned that my "guy picker" was broke and was gonna get me drunk and even killed if I kept trying to use it.
Thanks for keeping me honest here. I had to think back to that woman so anxious to get in and I remembered she wasn't the me that got here last. But she did resurface eventually and then, again, I couldn't wait for meetings to start and the door to be unlocked only this time I wasn't there as a "social AA", I was there to find and keep true sobriety and share it with others once I found out how to make it work for me.
