Since I had created a post a week or so ago that showed how crazy I can be, I thought I'd follow up with a little more positive experience, strength and hope.  As I mentioned before, I am facing a lot of changes in the next few months: a new baby, my husband commuting for a while, and moving to another city including selling our house and buying a new one.  I had a minor freak-out over all the changes and my fear of financial insecurity, along with a bout of stomach flu and then a sinus infection.

SOOOOO...sanity returns.  I talked to my sponsor and sober friends and got to a meeting.  I started praying for the right things - "thy will NOT MINE be done" and "help me to be of use to others".  Funny how all of that can make an impossible situation seem like a piece of cake.  Without help from thsi program I am a rather selfish, frightened and greedy being.  But because I have been working this program consistently those things do not generally win out in the long run.  It suddenly struck me that I will be in a great situation to spend more time on 12 step work, which I have done little of in the last year or so.  It's about that and not whether we'll have a big enough kitchen or live on the right street or whether I'll be able to adjust to not working for a while.  AA changes our perspective on life - thank god! 

If insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, then I find that is true even in sobriety.  But now that I have good sober experiences as my past results, I am insane for thinking that I will have different (not good) experiences this time.  So I thought I'd share two housing miracles just to prove that I'm insane for worrying at all about how this move will turn out.  sorry it's so long, just think of it as my housing lead!

My first ever apartment
I was 18 years old and newly sober and I was living in an alcoholic home without a car, which was uncomfortable and dangerous.  I prayed for a sign to let me know if I should focus on getting a car or an apartment.  I test drove a hearse because that just seemed like a thing to do.  Then a friend in the program told me she was moving in with her grandmother, so they had two of every household/kitchen item and I could have lots of stuff.  That was my sign.  So she then suggested that I move in with her friend, who was sober too, and introduced us.  The next weekend we borrowed someone's beat up Pinto to look at apartments.  They were truly unlivable, or too expensive.  I used reverse logic and said, let's go find a building we'd like to live in and see if there is a vacancy.  So we knocked on someone's door, peered in when she answered and asked if she knew of a vacancy.  Of course there wasn't and she looked at us like we were crazy.  That night we were all hanging out at the unofficial after-meeting restaurant, and someone came up and said he heard we were looking for an apartment, and there was one about to come open in his building.  Guess where he lived?  So not only did we get an apartment there, but had two sober neighbors.

My first ever house
After months of enduring horrible real estate agents trying to talk me into houses I didn't like or couldn't afford, I decided to just drive around the neighborhood I like and look at houses (similar logic to my first apartment search - something that really makes little sense!).  I drove down a street and saw a house that was a nice brick home that had lots of character but seemed like it needed a little work and said, "that it just the type of house I'm looking for - this is just what I would want".  Down the street there was a guy writing "buy me" in chalk on the sidewalk.  It was a strange thing and I wondered if he meant the house so I slowed down.  Come to find out I had gone to grade school with him, and he was trying to sell his truck.  He asked why I was on his street and I told him I am looking for a house.  He told me the house down the street is about to go on the market, and pointed to "my" house.  I ended up contacting the owner and buying it before he could even put it on the market, and without any real estate agent.  I lived there happily for 13 years and housed more than one drunk temporarily while they were in need.