Hi All, In the last few days a fellow AA member has gone back out there. I am upset, but as my sponsor pointed out, no human power could stop her. It makes me feel so fearful and I am sorry if this sounds selfish. I still get cravings quite badly at times where I need to take it a minute at a time. They are less than what they were but still scarey. I have altered my social life beyond recognition with no regrets I might add. I speak to my sponsor every day, go to as many meetings as I can, I also use speaker tapes and try to remember to hand it over to HP. I have just completed the fourth step.
Congratulations on your fourth step, that is HUGE!!!!!!!
I LOVE the steps personally, the freedom and empowerment and promises from them are so very very wonderful, a few fifth step promises which I found to be true are:
[PROMISES OF STEP FIVE]
Big Book page #75:
Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Just like AGO wrote....off of page 75, BB, a new beginning appears....
Congratulations for the hard work.
Hugs, Toni
Hi Again, got caught up in your success...yes, ones that we know and sometimes someone we love goes back out, it break our hearts, we are powerless, only can Pray that they will reach again for their HP, and their own Recovery again.
-- Edited by Just Toni on Monday 8th of March 2010 04:30:03 PM
It is really scary when you watch someone go out, don't apologize for being affected by that! But it sounds like you are doing the footwork necessary which is wonderful. Those minutes at a time will change to hours a time and then days at a time and then one day you'll realize that this program has really changed you and you aren't shaky the way you once were. This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful and it is hard to watch someone else go back when you are moving forward, but I'm so glad to hear you are moving forward!
It took me a long time to learn that I cannot get or keep any one sober if they want to drink. It still hurts when someone goes out, even the ones on the revolving door, but I take a lesson from them and use their experience and research for my benefit.
Step 4 is awesome, step 5 is liberating.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
"There but for the grace of God, go I" is one of the prayers I remember when I have learned that another sober member of AA has returned to drinking. There are more than a handful in my little town who wave and wish me well from the picnic table of brown paper sacks. Bless them all and HP continue to hold them within the palms of His hands that they may still have a story to share if and when they re-enter the rooms and then there are the ones who re-enter the rooms who are embraced with the same unconditional love and applause as if they had never left at all. It is the experience of the relapser that I listen to most intently, that I might not ever add it to my own story. Except for the grace of God I might regain my definance and die. Since I already know what it is like I no longer fear it like I did. I respect the cunning, powerful and baffling nature and stay within the rooms of AA. You are powerless over all of the others around you in the rooms of recovery; over their programs and their drinking or not drinking. I believe that is why I was taught how to pray. Keep on keeping on OC...((((hugs))))
This is so hard. A few months back I had to serve the alcohol to a member who went back out. I was pretty tore up about it at the time. I used it as an immediate example of how to stay connected to the program and see firsthand how cunning the disease is. My first thought was, see, she looks like she's having so much fun. But I knew the truth. Luckily this gal is back in after a horrible two months. I know it doesn't always end up that way.
Sounds like you're doing all the right things to stay sober. Imo, most people that go back out haven't done there 4th and 5th step. I was one of those people. It takes what it takes for a person to get ready to work a program of sobriety. It's a process not an event. There is a good chance that the person will come back. Don't let it discourage you. Getting sober is like climbing Everest, you have to step over a lot of bodies to get there and consider this, 1 in 3 who attempt to climb Everest will make it and only 1 in 20 who attempt to get sober make it past 5 years.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 10th of March 2010 06:44:16 AM
