Last week at this time I was finishing off a bottle of wine thinking no one would notice. What followed was likely the worst night of my life in terms of sadness and tears. My four-year-old asked me today, "Mommy why were you crying last week?" Hearing this, my other daughter asked, "Why does wine make you cry?" I saw a few people from the meeting I went to that night on Tuesday. They didn't even recognize me. I'm planning to go back tonight to talk about it provided my husband isn't too annoyed with my going. Still working on that-- I think setting a fixed schedule of meetings will help and I worked a bit with my sponsor today on that one. Been feeling okay, but sad that the "I KNOW I will NEVER drink again feeling is gone." It's back to day-by-day and MUCH more quickly than the last time I've sucked 'em down. I'm good today, good right now. Thanks for the thoughtful replies to my last post about it. Wish I would have replied to you all, but it's been a tough week getting my head back out of the sand. Laurie
Way to go runnergirl.You are picking yourself back up and going again.I will pray that your family supports what you are doing,stay close to your recovery network..
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Laurie, My wife is jealous of the time I put into recovery activities. I do my best to keep things in balance, but sometimes I have to remind her that 7 months ago she was ready to have me move out and that for the sake of my sobriety...I was willing to acccept it. My sponsor says that for the first year breathing is job #1, whatever it takes to not-drink is job#2. Period. Everything else can wait if it has to.
He's a hardass...but he loves me.
I can't begin to fully and adequately express my happiness and gratitude for your week of sobriety. I'm so, so, so happy for you, Laurie.
I thank my HP every day that I now can accept the fact that I can never drink again. When I first started AA I was afraid to never be able to drink again, but today I'm afraid to ever drink again. It's so much easier for me living one day at a time, and actually enjoying living life on life's terms. Way to go on 1 week, but just as important (in my humble opinion) is you didn't drink TODAY.
That is one thing that helped me and the family--having a set schedule of meetings.
It made the week go a whole lot better then being questioned all the time about where I was going and why and with who.
At the time they even meet my sponsor and saw what she drove--they felt better about me going out.
We have found that having a big calender with plenty of space to write notes/times of everyones activities on it saves a lot of headaches--plus helps with knowing what car/s are available for use.
Runnergirl - I had to forget the concept of Never Having A Drink AGAIN for the rest of my life. It was way too big for me to countenance.
One Day At A Time. My sponsor said, and I quote, 'Be under no illusions, we are talking about life long sobriety, no alcohol between now and death. This is a life sentence in AA.'
Sure, I know that (I knew what he wanted me to say, didn't I?). Then he said 'The good thing is you only need to do this one day at a time.'
Yep, thios is a life sentence in AA. Beats a Death Sentence in Booze.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
keep it up, inspirational post. I too, sense disapproval at times but I have just rode it out as my sobriety has to be paramount. My telephone calls to my sponsor which can be very long are a must. Now its not questioned quite as much and I don't negotiate this space. I can't afford to, it is a killer disease.
Good for you, keep a good, positive attitude and you will do fine.
Ask your hubby if he'd rather have you drunk ? Then ask him to read the book , the first 164 pages, or at least chapter to Wives, and the Family Afterward.
Its really to bad that most ppl and families dont realize that this program is a good spiritual way of life to live for the non-alcoholic family members too.
I think a lot of my "higher-bottom" AA friends have had that difficulty, moreso than I have. They invariably had trouble with spouses or parents who could not understand why they needed all this AA stuff. In my case, my family and husband were begging and pleading that I do SOMETHING... they felt that me being at meetings every single day was a real blessing, rather than me running the streets and being missing for days on end.
So I guess we all equally have a difficult time with recovery, in different ways. But the things that remain the same are the blessings that come, in time. And the other things that are the same are the presence of guilt, remorse, depression, and maudlin self pity when we came to the end of ourselves, no matter how far it took some of us. It took us all to the brink, in order for us to be here, and in that respect, no one suffered any worse than the other.
Hope you are having a good week, runner. So glad you are here. =0)
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
I hope your family will eventually start to support your efferts. But, remember....you are getting sober for yourself!! Shortly after I got into the AA program I asked my oldest son if him & his younger brother had considered going to Al-Anon. He took me by surprise & told me they had started 2 months before I was released from jail into the rehab. Thankfully my sister had suggested it to them so they'd understand more about their moms addiction.
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
