I've had 3 previous sponsors including 1 being a male. Reason being we had a close relationship & I felt comfortable talking with him. We were never romantically involved & that never seemed to cross our minds. We had talked so long before that we knew quite a bit about each other already before he became my sponsor. Even he suggested him being a temporary sponsor until I could find a woman sponsor because I really felt like not working the steps were setting me back. I'd whinned & complained about the avaliability of women sponsors until he agreed to become my temp sponsor. In my case this worked out well. But, I wouln't suggest this to everyone. Women sponsors in my area are very hard to find. I now have a female sponsor & we sat down & had a long conversation towards mine & her life. I got to know as much about her as she did me. My first 2 women sponsors never went over & told me much about themselves. I've found I need to tell my story so I can instill a measure of trust to those around me in order to help others. Sounds like you've got a good sponsor!!

Thanks for that Jerry

Our past becomes our biggest asset in helping others, in helping new alcoholics "Identify" with being an alcoholic.

I was sent to therapists and counselors galore, and it was easy to manipulate and torture these poor people, I delighted in making them uncomfortable, and pulling their chain, I would throw huge scenes then laugh about them that night at the bar.

At age 21 I think it was I encountered my first "Sober" alcoholic, he sat and kept asking me questions, he used Socratic questioning to have me repeatedly paint myself into a corner, a place I couldn't escape, because I put myself there.

Every time I ran my usual BS "hustle" at him, it's like he was sitting at the end of the "road" waiting for me, he was the first person I ever met in my life I couldn't BS, I couldn't hustle, he saw right through me.

No amount of schooling gave him the experience to do that, only his own experience gave him the necessary tools to reach me. Although I continued to drink for some years after that, the seed had been planted, I wasn't able to rationalize and justify my behavior, and I knew there was an answer, and when the wheels finally fell off a few years later, I knew where to go.

My experience exactly matched that of:

Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us have found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without reserve. Strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor.

But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.

So now, if my prime purpose is to stay sober and help others the Book gives explicit instructions on how to accomplish this using my past as an asset:

See your man alone, if possible. At first engage in general conversation. After a while, turn the talk to some phase of drinking. Tell him enough about your drinking habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage him to speak of himself. If he wishes to talk, let him do so. You will thus get a better idea of how you ought to proceed. If he is not communicative, give him a sketch or your drinking career up to the time you quit. But say nothing, for the moment, of how that was accomplished. If he is in a serious mood dwell on the troubles liquor has caused you, being careful not to moralize or lecture. If his mood is light, tell him humorous stories of your escapades. Get him to tell some of his.

When he sees you know all about the drinking game, commence to describe yourself as an alcoholic. Tell him how baffled you were, how you finally learned that you were sick. Give him an account of the struggles you made to stop. Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism. If he is alcoholic, he will understand you at once. He will match you mental inconsistencies with some of his own.

If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic, begin to dwell on the hopeless feature of the malady. Show him, from your own experience, how the queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power.

That's the one thing we all have as a pre-requisite in at AA, we all have a PHD in BS detectors, it's funny when I think back on my early days talking to old-timers who would just smile and nod, later on when I looked back I would just cringe at some of things I was saying, many of these became my friends, and we still laugh at some of my howlers, and they share their own with me.

All Quotes from BB1st edition

-- Edited by AGO on Thursday 4th of March 2010 04:51:21 PM

Thanks for the post.I think about this everyday...
I get alot out of hearing others' stories.My past is going to be a huge hurdle for me.I have so much guilt,regret and remorse. I cringe thinking about alot of the stuff Ive said and done.Not sure yet when I'll be comfortable or emotionally stable enough to share too much of my past.
I guess Im getting there.Still taking it One Day at a Time!