I just got off the phone with my sponsor. Gonna do my 5th step next week. I have been putting this thing off for too long. It's funny because it's been on my mind constantly and I was doing nothing about it. I think I have more names on there than my last one. That's messed up! Anyways, I am in the process of clearing the wreckage and moving forward in my recovery! I like the reading today, it talked about the drink being in God's hands and for me not to take it back into my own. Made alot of sense to me. Now it is time to put these resentments in His hands too! Gonna involve lots of prayers. Any experience would be appreciated.
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.
Way to go Justin! Free yourself,pure honesty with the God of your understanding helping guide the way.From out of the dark and into the light! yeah man...Time to lose some weight.......
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Outstanding, Justin! Experience... My #4 showed me that my misdeeds were rooted in resentments which I carried around for years. These resentments turned into anger, self-loathing and self-pity. Through an empirical sorting process I identified these resentments and their resulting feelings as my major moral defects; wrath, lust, envy, greed, gluttony, sloth and worst of all hubris. The 7 deadly sins.
My step 5 work is to pray these defects be removed (re-moved...moved away...sequestered) from me. That they be turned into virtues.
Hubris turned into Humility Envy turned into Gratitude Greed turned into Generosity Gluttony turned into Moderation Sloth turned into Industry Lust turned into Satisfaction Wrath turned into Kindness
I have found it to be a tall order and I am making progress...not perfection. For years and years and years my actions were dominated by fear and resentment. Changing how I react hasn't been easy and is a One Day at A Time process.
I don't expect my Higher Power to do it for me. Divinity will offer me Grace as It sees fit and as I am willing to accept Grace. Keeping my heart empty and willing to accept Divinity's Grace enables me to move these defects away from me, to NOT choose them as my daily method of operation. This passage from the Tao helps me remember that it is my job to build a sound, humble vessel of my life in which Divinity & Grace may grow, work & prosper.
Tao Teh Ching V.11
We join spokes together in a wheel, but it is the center hole that makes the wagon move.
We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want.
We hammer wood for a house, but it is the inner space that makes it livable.
We work with being, but non-being is what we use.
That's how I worked #4 & #5. I am looking forward to doing them again and catching what I am failing to identify with my daily #10.
Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.
Then the incredible and palpable relief of returning home, taking the book off the shelf and working steps six and seven were indescribable
Congratulations indeed
-- Edited by AGO on Thursday 4th of March 2010 01:09:33 AM
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Congrats on moving forward with the 5th step. Doesn't look like you need much advise if your satisfied with your 4th step, your moving forward and working the program.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Justin, Nice job. After step 5 a few of the bricks fell out of my backpack and some ease and contentment replaced them. It started the psychic change for me. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Hi Justin, Happy trudging to you! This is the part of the journey that can make you KNOW that you really want this, when you say to yourself, "Look at what I have been willing to do thusfar for recovery... I must really want this this time!!" Sometimes we have to prove to ourselves by our actions that we are serious. I know that was true for me, and that I was willing to do Steps 4 and 5 thoroughly meant I was no longer feeding myself a line of crap, I could actually start trusting MYSELF again about my intentions. That is huge.
4 and 5 are not about beating on ourselves, or creating even MORE self-pity by getting down on ourselves. We did all this stuff, and we think this way, for a reason. And now we can step OVER some of the garbage, and make some good strides in the more difficult places.
You really rock, my friend, and I am so happy for you!!! It only gets better from this point! Congratties!!
((((((hugs)))))) Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
