I am going through many changes now and the stress of it all is starting to hit. I'm pregnant, my husband just got a new job in another city and so we will have to sell the house and move. I will quit my job and hopefully find another a while after this baby is born. It will be a good move, back to my hometown and where I got sober. But the thought of being pregnant, working full time and taking care of a 2-year-old while my husband is commuting and/or working in another city (it's about a 2 hour drive) while also trying to sell a house and look for a new place to live is freaking me out. Oh, especially because we will have to have it all done by June or July.
So this is where I am praying for clarity:
I got in an argument with my husband. We rarely argue but when we do it's about finances. I'm really stressed about this change and how it will affect us financially. So I set up a meeting with my financial advisor (after years I am finally learning to get advice from people who know what they are talking about). Well, he didn't show and then simply told me he got stuck in a meeting at work. If I had known even 5 minutes beforehand I could have cancelled, so when I asked why he didn't just text me he acted like he couldn't have just stopped the meeting for a sec to text. Oh, and I paid $300 for that session that he just couldn't show up for. I guess this is my thing: I worry too much about money stuff, but I also think what I am focusing on is right and realistic. We are not at all in a bad situation, but we have some debt and not much savings and if we don't concentrate on it we will never move forward. He says he cares as much as I do, but there are many little actions of his (or really inactions) that are contrary to that. He cares, I believe him, but he's not as disciplined and/or focused as I am about. I know my part is overreacting and getting too emotional and all that. I feel like I can't change that, and I don't know if that's true or not. I just wish I had more clarity about what is my role in all of this, and how I need to behave differently.
Hey Simple, Take a deep breath. Its going to be OK. I have moved probably 20 or more times in my life, and I know its stressful, but its also like a new beginning. On the financial side, (it sounds like your financial guy is a crook and needs to be fired and you should get your money back) keep it simple. One thing at a time and not all jumbled together.
The seperate issues are. 1. Stay sober. 2. Focus on your kids. 3. The seperation from your hubby will be tough but you are both adults. You will have to find a best way (not a perfect way) to deal with the seperation. 4. You. You need to focus on you, because you are pregnant. Eat right, sleep in, meditate, relax. 5. The money: maintain an even strain on the relationship between obsessing on the financial and realizing that you can only maximize your money to a certain level. In other words, while you are stressed with the other problems, dont try and save every dime during the move. There are going to be crazy things that pop up during the transition, when they happen, roll with them and keep a positive face on them. After the move, and you figure out the job, you can forcast a budget.
A real big help here is to do your best, but put it in the hands of your Higher Power as well. Try and catch some quick prayers during the day, and at night-when the thinking about the complexities becomes too much and you can't sleep, just give it to your HP to deal with for the night. Do you have a sponsor? Can you squeak in meetings? Hang in there. Prayers, Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Not even sure why your adviser would even expect you to pay the $300 is beyond me!! But, just take a deep breath & focus on what needs to be done one day at a time. I'm sure your husbands job will work out fine, the house will sell & I don't foresee you all sitting on the street corner without a place to live. When one door closes a better one opens. The baby will be born perfect in every way & your 2 year old isn't going to starve to death or anything!! While working you'll find a way to manage the time to care for the house, toddler, etc!!! We're women we can manage these things if we choose to stay positive & not let lifes little curveballs throw us for a loop! Don't think of this as everything falling apart....think of it as everything in life coming together. Your husband apparently has a better job & you have a beautiful baby on the way!! A chance to go back to your hometown which I'm sure you probably have missed. Stay focused & positive!! It'll all work out!!:)
PS: I'm physic & know these things will all be for the best!! I foresee it in your future!! lol Sometimes I'm full of a little BS sometimes too! *blush*
Good luck!!!
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
Hi Simple, I had about a page written but it wasn't going the way that I planned. I'll just say, have faith, and don't focus on more than one solution at a time. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 3rd of March 2010 04:21:45 AM
Financial insecurity is one of my biggest fears and I really do tend to over react - it's like a default setting for me.
I share a flat with someone who can be irresponsible financially. He would claim he has a very laid back attitude to money.
We have certain rules - as in THE RENT comes first, then utilities & stuff like that. It is something I will not give on. He was frivolous more than once with his money for the rent which caused immense worry and stress to me. My fears go back to having been homeless. I have a terror of not having a roof over my head.
That fear runs so deep that unfortunately if my flatmate even innocently mentions/ hints that he's a bit short of money for this or that, I AUTOMATICALLY assume the worst and that he's going to spend all his money which = no rent which = landlord chucking us out which = me homeless! I then behave extremely irrationally myself - out of fear, then what began as a simple comment from him has developed into World War Three.........MAJOR War....like I am fighting for my life! What's that in AA about NOT reacting? ! !
Anyway I have taken practical steps to ensure I could get my own place but I still can get those terrible (irrational?) fears.
Yes! HP! I KNOW I "should" be trusting You as You have always looked after me before when I do my part but...........(yes I can hear people shouting NO BUTS ! !)
at the time,........a panic takes over me........and I rarely if ever panic.
I think the theme here is change, or fear of change. I have to realize that all these things I stress over are going to work out with or without my consent. My life is in God's hands and I have to have faith in Him to take care of me. Fear, Resentment, Change, Expectations........they all destroy my serenity. Sometimes you just have to let go, put forth the footwork, and leave the rest in H.P.'s hands because all the rest is not something to be controlled, only something to make one miserable. I hope this helps.
I find when I get overwhelmed actually putting pen to paper and doing an inventory is helpful in learning where I end and others begin, what my part is, and what exactly I have control over (usually just my reaction), and trying to figure out if I am trying to run the show as it talks about in the third step (which is usually the case for me, if I am upset more often then not I'm trying to run the show and being angry it's not going my way) and sitting down with a sponsor familiar with my story to figure what is holding me back (usually my refusal to let go and let God)
I have learned the hard way to only pray for God's will for me and the power to carry it out, as when I pray for humility, I am bludgeoned into it, when I pray for patience I am given traffic jams and lines at the store, and so on, I'd be terrified to pray for clarity for what I might see truthfully.
God has always answered my prayers, just never how I think they should be answered, so I just approach it a bit differently any more.
-- Edited by AGO on Thursday 4th of March 2010 01:21:34 AM
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Simple....I think you are fine, just a slight shift in thinking to refocus yourself and enjoy this period of time more, rather than being victim to it. You are an example of miracles in progress by having a life growing inside you. You have a loving husband. You have a lot of things to be grateful for...that kind of shift is what will give you clarity I think and put it all in perspective so you don't get overwhelmed and start getting negative in your head. Also, without work, you have more time to think and more time to think needs to be used constructively...not spent all worry prone. More meetings would be good...don't let your serenity slip away through any of this stuff. Gratitude gratitude gratitude...it's a must for me cuz I am certainly not naturally inclined to think that way without being reminded or forcing myself to.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
The promises say 'FEAR OF financial insecurity will leave us' and not financial insecurity will leave us. I am in a funk just now whereby all my mechanical objects have started breaking down, and it is gonna cost me to get them all fixed - BUT - I have managed to save a bit of cash for a rainy day, so I guess this is it.
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
It is embarrassing to let your ass hang out in a meeting or to fellow AAers, but when I do I am amazed at the response. THANK YOU for these wonderful comments, it was just what I needed! I was in a horrible state, and it was made much worse by me and the family being sick with a stomach bug, followed by my daughter and I both getting bad sinus infections. I am a freak when I am physically worn down. BUT clarity is what I prayed for and what I got. I got chills reading these posts. And to top it off, I was just at my homegroup last night and they read a very fitting part of the big book, and then someone new to the meeting asked me to sponsor her. God really has a sense of humor.
My freakout has passed, my lovely husband endured it, I am feeling better physically and spiritually. Like Louisa, I have a bit of an irrational fear of financial insecurity that just took over for a moment. But I KNOW the reality of the situation - we own a house and have the capacity to easily own a different house, even with me not working. I have options in my life and people to help me. I have so many things working for me, and things in my life have always worked out really well, even if not how I would have imagined them (usually better!). And now my prayers are more in line with simply "thy will be done" and an occasional "put me in a situation where I can be helpful to drunks in need and others". Gotta love the "huge emotional displacements and rearrangements" that help make up a spiritual experience. Thanks to all of you for helping that happen.
........and I rarely if ever panic.