I am so greatful to have found this forum. I have recognized for quite some time that I have a problem with alcohol. I always drink to get drunk and the situation keeps escalating. I am a wife and mother to 2 beautiful. I want to kive a sober life for them and for me. I am sick and tired of the guilt, regrets, hangovers, blackout and just feeling lousy.
I have been thinking about attending an AA meeting rfor over a year. My shyness holds me back and I havte social situations. I need to start somewhere though because I know I can not do this alone.
Shawn, Welcome! Makes perfect sense to me. The bad news is it won't get any better. The good news is there's a solution for a better life. I was in your spot several years ago. I didn't want to go to a meeting, but the pain from not going got so great I needed to go. Now, I enjoy going! Your shyness will lift when you receive the warm welcome at your first meeting. You'll be met with compassion, love and understanding. We've all been there. Three things I hear all the time for newcomers: don't drink, go to meetings and ask for help.
I couldn't stay sober on my own, but WE can. This is a WE program of action.
Shawn, it makes perfect sense and a big part of that shyness has been increased by drinking in isolation and not practicing social skills. I turned recluse while drinking over a period of time. Drinking robbed me of social skills. When we as alcoholics are actively drinking, our world gets smaller and smaller and smaller until it is just us and the bottle. The social anxiety and alcoholism are tied together so don't let that stop you from going to a meeting because the program will help you with both. My heart goes out to you cuz I know it's a hard step to take and the anxiety feels real (well it is real, but it lessens). It can and will change over time and I pray you give AA a shot.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Been there done that. Before I hit my real bottom for a better part of a year or more, I kept telling myself 'you need to quit and get help soon', well I put it off too long and ended up in trouble.
Took 7 1/2 almost 8 now to really make sense and get back on the straight and narrow, plus to get the Driver's License back.
Have you been to an actual/real meeting yet? You have taken the first step into saying and admitting that you have a problem. Do you have a Big Book or a 12 and 12 Book? These are the main tools one needs as a start besides getting to meetings.
I see on part of your profile you put down New York--New York City or just somewhere in the State? You do not have to say here if you do not want to--just send that to me in a private message.
We here have many years of sober time and can/will help you along--just ask, someone will have an answer.
Hi Shawn, all of us are shy people when were at the end of our drinking. Welcome to our board, there are a lot of nice folks here and woman that can help you find your way out. Stick around and help us stay sober.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 26th of February 2010 08:47:36 PM
Man those feelings of being scared to go seek help! Yep I remember I didn't even go to my first meeting! I was peeled out of my closet in my one bedroom apartment in the dark. I'am not sure how long I was in there, due to the fact I lived by myself, but God himself send in another Alcoholic! This person was still drinking, but he knew my time was up, and called the local detox clinic to admit me quickly.
Oh I was pissed, as well as full of piss~but I wouldn't have been able to pull myself together with out that first time in the rooms of A.A! I went in an out for over 15 years after my first experience with this program. But I never gave up. I just got beat up by alcohol, until I became really ready to show up.
I was not scare of the social situtions so much as not knowing how to act without the alcohol. I never felt I could or would coop without it. Man I was wrong! We will Love you just as you come! Just come. Believe us when we say we do love you and need you with us today! You can't stay sober ALONE, and that's just what that drink wants you to be scared. Untill it takes your life!
I was/still can be painfully shy - to the point of being physically sick!
All I can say to you is that it came to a point in my life where I had nothing left to lose. I was dying inside experiencing what you have shared above. God I hated myself.....so much.
From the moment I walked into my first AA meeting, I felt a tremendous sense of relief. Those people understood me. They respected my shyness. There was no pressure. They were so kind.
I'll be honest, I attended my first few meetings not drunk, but how shall we say......"loosened up". I just sat and listened. I knew I was where I was meant to be to get well.
I can still see their faces ...so kind, so genuinely caring some 7 years later. I have found a joy and happiness I never thought was possible and that in turn radiates to those around me.
By all means ... get to an AA meeting and keep going. Get yourself a big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and read the first 164 pages. See if you find yourself on any of the pages. Determine if what the Founders of AA share pertains to you, or you understand it.
Welcome to the family,I personally don't believe much in coincidences so I believe you have been guided here.Stick around,don;t leave before the miracle occurs!!!The only thing that didn't make sense was the insanity of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results!!!You can find a "new way to live" ,learn some tools,and the bonus is you don't have to do it alone!! Man I'll have 3 of them please ,that sounds good!!!! :)
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Aloha Mom!! That sounded a bit like myself also and Toad put is simplest. I use to drink in the corner in the dark a lot for many reasons, only one being a fractured self esteem coming partly from being raised in the disease of alcoholism and partly because that was how I preferred it to be. Base emotional explanation was FEAR and AA address that perfectly. We discuss it often in our local meeting because it needs to be and the more it is the stronger our recoveries as individuals and groups, gets. Be shy for now and keep coming back into the rooms. ((((hugs))))
Thanks everyone for the very warm welcome and words of encouragement. Posting here was a big first step for me. I have spent some time reading posts and have read the first 2 chapters of the big book. I definitely recognize that I can not do this alone.
I live ina tiny village -we're talking no stop lights. I believe there are local meetings just afraid of the exposure. I am sure I will recognize at least one face.
M2, get over yourself, those "faces" are there to get help too. We don't talk about who we see in meetings. It's actually read at the end of the meeting- "who you see here and what you hear here let it stay here". Chances are you'll find a friend of yours there, and you will make friends there, that's how it works.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 27th of February 2010 05:45:50 PM
There's one guy who chairs our meetings (well before he relapsed 2 months ago) & the words he used at the end of the meeting were "Don't tell others you seen me here & you won't have to explain what you were doing here!!" Makes a lot of sense!! Don't worry about who's going to see you at the meeting because they are there for the same reason!!
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
And Welcome! I share what Mark (Pinkchip) was saying, think we all have some degree of Extroverted/Introverted going on. and the Alcohol turned me inside, just like Mark said, bottom ended with only me and a bottle of Brandy.
I truly believe that after we have stopped drinking, that shyness will fade, and when you feel the love and great compassion of all those that have walked in your shoes before, it allows us to open up again.....
Hope so much that you will get to a meeting, and let the Miracle of recovering from this life threatening Disease begin, we just do it one day at a time.
Please give yourself credit for Posting, that took a lot of courage in doing so....
Thanks everyone for the very warm welcome and words of encouragement. Posting here was a big first step for me. I have spent some time reading posts and have read the first 2 chapters of the big book. I definitely recognize that I can not do this alone.
I live ina tiny village -we're talking no stop lights. I believe there are local meetings just afraid of the exposure. I am sure I will recognize at least one face.
Well your profile says New York - didn't think that was a tiny village - but I understand the fear of seeing a face I know at my first meeting - even though I was told well what do you think they'll be there for and anyway, do you really think no-one knows you drink? I still weent to an out of my normal town meeting for my first meeting, still ended up sitting next to someone I knew and from experience, nothing gladdens my heart more than seeing a newcomer who I know from outside.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
I saw someone I had contact with through work at a meeting and freaked and called my sponsor about it early on...was like wtf? most people at work know I had a problem anyhow and this guy is at the meeting too...Not a worry worth considering. It is like believing someone is going to say "Oh...I saw shawn going to the doctor cuz she has the flu...how shameful." If anyone does that, it's their freakin sickness. You are going there for help, to recover from a disease and that is all that matters....YOU, your health, your recovery is #1 above all else and to the rest of them...whatever...Shawn is taking care of Shawn and that's way way better than clinging on to sickness in secret. You have our support and the support of millions when you step into AA believe it or not. It is a gift for you to receive. I wouldn't have said all this when I was at the point of pondering my first meeting. I called the AA hotline 2 times crying and still didn't want to go to meetings. I am really glad I did go.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Too right Mark! treat meetings just like going to the doctors, they are there to get well as well, I go to a meeting in a village were I was born and if someone at the meeting see's me so what! they are there for the same reason. Keep coming back.
