:( so disappointed. Any feedback would be helpful at this point.

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

:( so disappointed. Any feedback would be helpful at this point.

Toad · Senior Member

Hello,
They told me when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired,
Then I was ready to do something.
Toad

Tessa · Senior Member

I hate that you drank last night. But, you can't beat yourself up over it. You're not the first & won't be the last to go back out & drink. This is why it's so important to find you a meeting & GO!!! This disease is bigger than I am & I can't handle it alone. Without a HP & AA I'd be drunk. It's that simple. Meetings will put you in touch with others who understands what you are going through. This board is great but it can't replace a meeting. Find a meeting today!!:)

mikef · MIP Old Timer

ElectricTwist!~ There is literature that tells us"relapse can be the jarring experience that brings about a more rigorous application of the program.Our predecessors knew that relapse is part of some folks process and you will have to pick yourself up and go forward.Don;t beat yourself up,its a struggle and just get right back at it.I also agree ,get to a meeting,share with others,help someone else,it will help you..Thanks for your honesty,it helps keep us aware and vigilant and know this disease it always ready to pounce.Give it to your HP and and just for today you don't have to drink.Glad you got back here,that takes courage!!! smile

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

Thank you everyone blankstare

Means a lot.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi ET, don't be discouraged, drinking is the "norm" for folks with a drinking problem. When we go about trying to change our set pattern of behavior it requires quite a sustained effort. Like developing a workout habit of going to the gym 4 times a week and changing our diet, it takes a good 3 months for these new habits to start being perpetual. We suggest going to 90 meetings in 90 days to get in the groove and get a mind set that is "no matter what I will not drink". Have you been reading Last on Left's threads and posts?
Take a look at all of them and see how this person overcame their reluctance to attend their first meeting, how good it was when they went nd has been going to a meeting daily and not drinking since. A tremendous shift in attitude is very apparent, and amazing.

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

Dean - I have been looking at LastoneLeft (Jerry)'s posts....VERY helpeful, as are all of everyone elses posts as well.

i'm looking at the AA site for my city...and checking out the schedule. The good thing is - there are actually a LOT to choose from!! And....at all different times, as well.

Thank you so much for your encouragement and support, as always. I guess the only place I have to go now, is forward...

runnergirl · Senior Member

Hey, ET... I don't have much to say right now except I am right there with you... Let's stay sober and share a sobriety date... whaddya say?

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

sounds great, runnergirl. Thinking of you - sending good vibes your way. ::HUG::

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

This is the point of surrender. That is what Last one Left is doing. Surrender and go get help...stop thinking it up down and sideways. Go to meetings and get help. Go to 90 or more meetings in 90 days. There's really no excuse for not going to meetings...you can go and you have to make it a priority. You have to surrender to the program for it to work. I came into the program as a therapist with clinical knowledge of alcoholism and drug dependency and so on and so forth... What did all that thinking get me? It got me a bunch of rationalization about why I could continue drinking and it almost made me lose everything I had. In short order, I came into AA and accepted I knew nothing about how to stay sober and I needed those other AA'ers to help me. Surrender, recognize the thoughts as diseased, don't drink, and just absorb AA and learn. The support is there for you in meetings, in fellowship, then in doing service. Immerse yourself in it fully.

"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path"

Okay, I don't do everything perfect, but I have immersed myself in AA and I did so from the start. I didn't struggle with relapse and didn't pick up another white chip since my first meeting. You start to win when you admit alcohol has whipped you, beat you down, stolen your soul, robbed you of your spirituality, and you go to meetings to get it back and keep it. That's my take. Half measures are going to get you nowhere in AA. Embrace it fully. It will result in a life you never thought you could have.

This is coming from a person 5 days off a break up that used to have break downs over EVERYTHING...I'm not trippin and I am right sized now. AA and working the program gave me these coping skills that I had lost. It works...it really does. Stop fighting and just surrender.

Mark

-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 26th of February 2010 02:49:29 PM

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

runnergirl wrote:

Hey, ET... I don't have much to say right now except I am right there with you... Let's stay sober and share a sobriety date... whaddya say?

that's how it works, it worked exactly like that for our founders.

newcomer · Senior Member

The three things that I was told to remember was don't drink, get to meetings, ask for help, the fact that you have admitted it so quickly is so admirable and healthy and also shows you have the honesty to adopt the programme for recovery. Stop beating yourself up, get to as many meetings as you can, this is what works for me. I got a sponsor very early on, I could not manage this on my own, I needed to find another way to stay away from drink a day at a time,

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

Thanks so much, everyone <3

LastOneLeft · Veteran Member

ET, I really dont understand how all this works yet. Honestly Im just taking it One Day at a Time and going to a meeting Everyday,no matter what...
I dont have a Big Book yet.And I still havnt spoken at any meetings.I dont think I could make it through a few sentences without breaking down yet.But It helps me to just be there... Try a meeting,I think you'll be very surprised.

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

ET,
My first relapse was at day 121, then about 6 weeks later, then about 6 weeks after that or some such number...
side note - oh yum...I just scarfed a couple of ounces of gouda and I feel delightfully satisfied :)

Back to the point. I wasn't too hard on myself. I went right back into my meetings, 'fessed up and soaked in the E/S/H of others who had walked the same path as me. I tried to learn from each one.

Each relapse re-inforced Step One; that I am absolutely an alcoholic, beyond any UNreasonable doubt, and powerless over alcohol.

Each re-lapse showed me that even with 4 months sobriety, whatever it was I was chasing wasn't in a bottle and the bottle was no shelter from whatever it was I was running from.

Each relapse showed me that alcohol is NOT a performance-enhancing drug.

Each relapse pulled back the curtain and showed The Wizard of Oz to just be a pathetic little old man.

I pray I'm done with the relapses...at least today I was, and have been for about seven weeks or so.

Peace,
Rob

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

ET & Runnergirl, I slipped after 2months dry & going to my first AA meeting. I thne slipped another 3times every two weeks strangely enough. I was only making a meeting every other week then after my 4th & final slip I felt that Gift Of Desperation & hunger to do whatever it took to stay sober. I upped my meetings, took with a sponsor, started making calls & read the literature which was & still is geared up to be my support in sobriety.

I couldn't do this by myself either but with persistence the days rolled into weeks which rolled into months & grew into years. I now have nearly three & a half 1Day@aTime. Don't be disheartened by the pain of drinking again. Feel it, remember it & let it chase you into sobriety. Eventually you will build your defences against that first drink & will learn to call this your Higher Power. The work may be hard but the wages are good. Keep coming back & sharing it all with us as you go. We're doing this together, Danielle x

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

Hey, don't beat yourself up, learn from this. Many of us have relapsed, many repeatedly relapse, some of us get it in the end. Keep coming back, it works if you work it so work it you are worth it!

slugcat · Senior Member

i hope u r feeling better i agree, plz dont beat yourself up. i hope u get to a meeting . take caew

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Hey ET, I dunno about you, but I'm an alkie. Without the AA program, I will drink. It's guaranteed. It's what we alkies do. We ourselves have no power to stop. In fact, whenever I think that I can stop, I start. I know that now, but took a few slips along the way really to be able to admit that. And I'm not the only one.

But you're already back in the saddle, you've shared on here, you're looking to get to a meeting. That's all you gotta do if you want not to drink: don't take that first sip, get to meeting, ask for help. That's it. :)

Keep coming back!

Steve

Tessa · Senior Member

Going to meetings, getting a sponsor, & working the steps helps us make changes & learn how to live in a world outside our drinking. We have to change the person we were to become the person we want to become & AA helps us do that. I couldn't have quit drinking without the help & support of AA. I'd hit bottom with no way up & AA was my only/last hope.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

ET...Just my opinion here...it is too early to be really worrying about grasping the steps beyond step 1. A higher power than you exists at those meetings. A higher power is the process of recovery. It can start out as surrender to the program and the people in it. You don't have to have a radical spiritual shift right away. Willingness is key and that just means trust the program by getting a sponsor, going to daily meetings, and following suggestions as best you can. All will work out and fall into place if you just do those things.

Mark

ElectricTwist · Veteran Member

Thanks, everyone. Coming back to the board after a few days of being home and relaxing (computer free!) for the weekend, really made me feel great. THe words of encouragement - especially on a dreary/rainy monday - are so helpful :)

I appreciate every one of you!!! Hoping this week is better than last week. I feel better already!

LastOneLeft · Veteran Member

Welcome back!

Tessa · Senior Member

ET, have you taken our advice & gone to a meeting? If not what are you waiting for?;)

nick w · Member

ET.A very welcome back, be good to yourself, get lots of meetings and phone numbers!!!!!!!! the world record for being sober is 24 hours.
Nick

Dodsworth · Senior Member

ElectricTwist- I'm kinda late in jumping in on this thread, but I know what its like to get a few days under your belt and relapse. Before I ever went to an AA meeting, I was doing just what you describe- I would never get past day 4 though, and often not past the first 48 hours. I would literally drive into the liquor store parking lot saying to myself- "Adam, don't do this, this isn't a good idea..." But I did it anyways. I probably "relapsed" 10 or 15 times before I came to AA. How did I get over it? Well, I got a sponsor and became a "regular" at certain meetings. Once I got to know some of the people in the rooms and created a sober network, I didn't feel so lonely in my struggle. Here are these people that I can now call when I'm upset or feel like drinking. Here are these people that will pick my ass up and take me to a meeting if I ask. You will get over your 4-5 day relapses as long as you reach out and go to a meeting. I didn't find any relief from the constant relapses until I reached out. Last year I had 4 months sober and then I drank. 4 months down the tubes. That is remorse that I never want to feel again. That relapse lasted for 6 months, but when I walked back into an AA meeting, no one blinked or said anything because its not about reprisals, its about solutions. Hope you are havin a good day :)

Avril G · Senior Member

ElectricTwist wrote:
I had a drink last night. Well, I had several drinks last night.

I feel so awful about it. Worse than I have EVER EVER FELT about drinking.

Did you ever hear the saying, 'AA may not stop you drinking, but it will sure as hell spoil it for you' Seems like you didn't enjoy it, maybe the latest drink will give you a kick up the steps, and not a kick down them.