My last drink was on 2-1-10 so my first day completely sober without a drink was 2-2-10... today is 2-25-10 so I was under the imptession I have 24 days sober. I just used the sobriety calculator on the homepage http://www.12stepforums.net/counter.html and it said I have 25 days sober...?
__________________
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
My last drink was 2/26/08. I use 2/27/08 as my sobriety date.
__________________
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
One of the meetings I do is a BB stories and we just read that one about the guy who says that the wise old timer says that they'll trade their 30 years for a newcomer's 30 days.
My sponsor added that when you get to say that you're 30 years without a drink that's great -- but it means that you're also 30 years older.
The longer your sober the further you have to fall. Someone with 30 days goes out they just pick themselves up and start again. When somebody with 20 years fall it's devastating and life threatening, if they don't find their way back they often don't live another year. They often have trouble getting help because everybody thinks they know it all when in fact they are now just like the lowest drunk off the street. Add to that the devastation of what they believe they've lost (all that time) and you can see what a bad situation it can be for the Old Timer who fall. I knew a man with 18 years and his marriage hit the skids and he went out and it crushed him, he had a sponsor and sponsees, Grand parents, parent, children and grand children who all loved him. But he could still talk the talk so nobody could help him and he took his own life, I was at his funeral of over 500 people and the question that kept running through my head was why couldn't anybody help this man find his way back, I'd talked to him at a meeting just a week before and he seemed okay, I'd just gone through a break up and I wanted to share with him but I though he's got so many friends he doesn't need help from me, he hardly knows me. That's one of the regrets we have, if we see somebody who needs help we should make the offer.
-- Edited by cooncatbob on Monday 1st of March 2010 12:55:43 PM
__________________
Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
I knew a man with 18 years and his marriage hit the skids and he went out and it crushed him... and he took his own life,
I've seen this several times and dozens more that went out over broken relationships and did get back in or continued to drink. Bottom line is that most of us are not prepared to be in relationships regardless of how many years we have in. This program, as wonderful as it is, teaches us to stay sober, get a relationship with a higher power, work with other, and practice the principals. No mention in there about how to have happy healthy relationships. The program does tell us to look for outside help and there is plenty available. I got a lot by going to Coda meetings, reading John Bradshaw & Cludia Black books, and listening to Gary Smally tapes.
I knew a man with 18 years and his marriage hit the skids and he went out and it crushed him... and he took his own life,
I've seen this several times and dozens more that went out over broken relationships and did get back in or continued to drink. Bottom line is that most of us are not prepared to be in relationships regardless of how many years we have in. This program, as wonderful as it is, teaches us to stay sober, get a relationship with a higher power, work with other, and practice the principals. No mention in there about how to have happy healthy relationships. The program does tell us to look for outside help and there is plenty available. I got a lot by going to Coda meetings, reading John Bradshaw & Cludia Black books, and listening to Gary Smally tapes.
They'd been married 20 years and had gotten into recovery together. Many considered them the "Perfect Recovery Couple" but when this man fell even with all the resources available to him and all the people who loved him he felt that life wasn't worth living. They say we are restored to sanity, but if we don't continue to follow the path and do the work that got us here we can become insane again and sometimes there's no reasoning with an insane person.
__________________
Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
I think a lot of times we can make that person that we're in the relationship with our higher power, without realizing it. Relationships are one day at a time, just like everything else and eventually they all will end as seldom to both people die together. With that said we should be grateful each day for a good relationship and at the same time have no expectations for tomorrow. There's no way to prepare yourself to not feel sad if a relationship should end but your certainly can curtail emotional breakdowns over it by not bull****ing yourself into thinking that it will last forever. If you're happy and emotionally (and financially) self sufficient coming into a relationship then you should be able to exit one the same way. It's called "Plan B".
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 1st of March 2010 03:30:48 PM
