I've been in the program for 18 months. Being sober a few days from 2 years & although the old timers encourages me to talk in a meeting saying I have some good advice to offer. I find myself stumbling for the right words & feeling like I'm rambling. I can sit here on this message board & type out what I want to say. But, I get so nervous speaking I feel like an idiot. I don't sit in the meeting going over in my head what I'm going to say if called on either. I just speak from the heart & experiences. How do I manage to get over this fear of talking so I can somehow get my messages across & help others? thx
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
For me it was hard in the beginning. I had some major social anxiety. I still do, just not at meetings anymore. I guess for me I just needed to force myself to say something at every meeting. Sometimes I will say the Serenity Prayer over and over until my head clears. I do that when certain people talk too! There are those people in meetings that share stuff I can't handle so I kind of drown 'em out with the prayer. I'm just saying what some people share is poison for this alcoholic. Stick with the winners they say. Now I am rambling. Good night.
Tessa, When I'm listening to everyone go before me, I keep a pen handy and write down on a napkin, in little notes, (huh, never realized it, but being able to write legibly on a napkin is a drunk-honed skill) what they say and either what it makes me think of, or how it made me feel, or how it relates somehow to my own Exp/Str.Ho.
Like today, the Reflections reading was about breaking down to be built up again. Emptying darkness to become full of light. Then some other guy shared about hitting bottom with his DUI, and another guy congratulated him on starting over, and I remembered a passage from the Tao Te Ching; We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want.
And that made me remember stuff; E/S/H. I pushed the button on my watch and just started jabbering. At 3 minutes I expressed my gratitude and shut up.
At the end, two agnostic & struggling newbies who have expressed Step 2 troubles asked me what the Tao was and where to get it.
Maybe it's gonna help them with their HP quest.
Just jabber...it's okay, and ya never know what's gonna help somebody else. If we didn't have something to offer, why would Old Timers keep comiong to hear us jabber?
I'm getting a little better at sharing. I read something in the Grapevine that helped me, it was one person's view on which people she got the most out of. She said that a lot of times a person will talk about things in such a way that it comes off as, "There's a wrong way and a right way to do this. Here's the right way, and you'd better get it if you want to stay sober!" Then there are people who just share their story, what's worked for them, what's going on in their life, what their current feelings are about things, with no implied message that other people should do exactly what they're doing or think the way they're thinking.
I kind of took that article to heart, and I just try to say to the best of my ability what i'm thinking and feeling, and try to relate to the topic if there is one chosen for the meeting (I'm getting better and better at actually listening when they do a reading at the start, at least to latch on to some part of it.) I don't stress over whether what I have to say is the deepest, most perfectly phrased message that's ever come out of anyone's mouth; mostly I try to direct my inward thoughts toward the newcomer and try to put forth a message I think I might have needed to hear when I was in my first 90 days or so. When I do that, sometimes people with way more sobriety than me will come up and say they really liked what I had to say. It's very humbling when that happens.
-- Edited by FlyingSquirrel on Tuesday 23rd of February 2010 11:54:12 PM
I've been in the program for 18 months. Being sober a few days from 2 years & although the old timers encourages me to talk in a meeting saying I have some good advice to offer. I find myself stumbling for the right words & feeling like I'm rambling. I can sit here on this message board & type out what I want to say. But, I get so nervous speaking I feel like an idiot. I don't sit in the meeting going over in my head what I'm going to say if called on either. I just speak from the heart & experiences. How do I manage to get over this fear of talking so I can somehow get my messages across & help others? thx
I just speak from the heart & experiences and it doesn't get better than that!
This isn't a public speaking forum, it's not Toastmasters, there is no competition for the quality of the delivery of your share, it's the content that counts and content is best when it comes from the heart.
What do you want? Marks out of ten for presentation, style and content? (I've actually heard this done in a meeting, but in fun of course)
We all have rambly times, we all have times when we can't express what we mean to say too well. But when it comes from the heart it means the most. It's up to the listener to pick out the message they need from your share, surely?
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
What Bill said. Speaking from the heart is all that you need to do. Worrying about exactly how you say it is perfectionism raising it's head, with expectations of approval and fear of judment. We share primarily for our benefit, secondarily for those that relate to what we're saying, there is no right/wrong or good/better/best.
Often while attending meetings I hear a lot of AA speak said repeatedly which is fine and necessary. But when I speak from my experience, which reaches across several programs and my thoughts on the same, It feels like their are some folks, judging from their body language etc... that disapprove of that and perhaps they're not ready to hear it yet. However, I'm not engaging in a popularity contest, I'm there for myself and whoever can relate to what I'm sharing, as in take what you need and leave the rest.
What doesn't come from the heart doesn't reach the heart. To the best of my knowledge there isn't any rule that says we must share in a meeting.
Less is more, everything in moderation. I think it has something to do with humility.
Fancy words, speeches and deliveries really dont impress me much as does the way a member carries themselves, their appearance. Do they have that happy glow, does their body language speak louder than their words ?
I get more out of a share from a member who doesn't ramble on , shares about their recovery with the steps and God , and can convince me that they really, really are sober and happy to be that way.
I usually start all my shares by asking for a pause to let God in,MORE OF HIM AND LESS OF ME,and keep in my mind that its not about me but reaching the newcomer and also freeing myself...We don't go from stumbling alkies to "grand orators" overnite so I believe by just sharing from the heart we will "carry the message.There are many times after I have shared that I remembered something I wanted to say but didn't.Good reason to make another meeting!!Blessings for this day!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Tessa, I also am more comfortable at a keyboard than I am in person. Even so, I have been around a few 24º, and with time I learned to speak in complete sentences. In the very early days I was advised to attend at least one meeting/week without any intention of speaking. You see, I was sitting there rehearsing what I was going to say, and I was missing what other people shared. But it was important for me to speak in meetings, to let people know who I was. I did it piecemeal. I remember what someone said to me just before I told my story at a speaker meeting, "It's your story & no one can tell it better." It is your experience, strength, and hope, Tessa, and no one can tell it better.
I had very poor boundaries when I first came into AA...Thank god there were beginner's meetings for me to share at so people could help me gently and with love. I personally don't get much from a share that is "I'm grateful today and the steps saved my life." Okay...good for you, can you tell me how? I need to see how it plays into people's lives so I can learn how to be like them. The only people that annoy me when they share are people that think they have AA so down that everyone else who struggles or needs help is an idiot that overcomplicates things. If everyone in AA was like that, it wouldn't have worked for me. I prefer to hear how AA works in people's lives...not rambling about someones day without the message and not the message without how it works in a person's life...
That said..in the beginning I just complained a lot. The laughter in the rooms was contageous though and then I started laughing at my problems and taking myself a little less seriously. How it worked or works for me may be a little different than someone else. I just thank God it does work. I agree with share from the heart and watch the clock and you really can't go wrong.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I was the same for around 3-4 years, Tessa, and I told someone I didn't feel I could share 'cos even I couldn't even understand what I wanted to say, since my head was in such a muddle I couldn't stick a decent sentence together. I was told 'Don't worry about that, just throw everything out, we'll sort it out' Amazingly, after I did this, many others DID understand and identify.
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
(I've actually heard this done in a meeting, but in fun of course)