This is copied from one of my Facebook friends and being a Yorkshire lass through and through I LOVE IT!!!!
THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A Yorkshire lass
The first man married a woman from Essex. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.... The second man married a woman from sussex. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a lass from Yorkshire . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 22nd of February 2010 06:07:21 PM
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 22nd of February 2010 07:45:03 PM
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
What's the difference between British food and a bowling ball?
I could eat a bowling ball if I had to.
and this from the land that gave us McDonalds, pancakes and syrup for breakfast, processed cheese, spam, (oh mind you, spam is good, fried with bacon, spam, eggs, spam, sausages, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam and spam.)
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
An old man and his dog were walking along a country road, enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to the man that he was actually dead.
He remembered dying, and that his dog too had been dead for many years. He wondered where the road would lead them, and continued onward.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill a tall white arch that gleamed in the sunlight broke it. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.
He was pleased that he had finally arrived at heaven, and the man and his dog walked toward the gate. As he got closer, he saw someone sitting at a beautifully carved desk off to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, but is this heaven?"
"Yes, it is, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The gatekeeper gestured to his rear, and the huge gate began to open.
"I assume my friend can come in?" the man asked, gesturing toward his dog.
But the reply was "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought about it then thanked the gatekeeper, turned back toward the road, and continued in the direction he had been going.
After another long walk, he reached the top of another long hill, and he came to a dirt road that led through a farm gate.
There was no fence, and it looked as if the gate had never been closed, as grass had grown up around it. As he approached the gate, he saw a man just inside, sitting in the shade of a tree in a rickety old chair, reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?"
"Certainly, There's a pump over there," the man said, pointing to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. Come on in and make yourself at home."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog "He's welcome too, and there's a bowl by the pump," he said.
They walked through the gate and, sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a dipper hanging on it and a bowl next to it on the ground. The man filled the bowl for his dog; he then took a long drink himself.
When both were satisfied, he and the dog walked back toward the man, who was sitting under the tree waiting for them, and asked, "What do you call this place?"
"This is heaven," was the answer.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "It certainly doesn't look like heaven, and there's another man down the road who said that place was heaven."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates?"
"Yes, it was beautiful."
"Nope. That's hell."
"Doesn't it offend you for them to use the name of heaven like that?"
"No. I can see how you might think so, but it actually saves us a lot of time. They screen out the people who are willing to leave their best friends behind."
