For years I was in denial of my drug & alcohol addiction. I'm going back way further than most showing how I grew up & what life dealt me. My father was an alcoholic & my mother had quit having relations with him. After about 3 months he came home drunk & raped my mother. I was born 9 months later. My mother always looked at me seeing my father & hating me. At least that how I always viewed things. They divorced when I was 2 & my mother was abusive. She became addicted to prescription medications & went to several Dr's getting the same pain killers, sleeping pills, & nerve meds. I ended up molested by the time I was 11 & afterwards my life just went further downhill. I started drinking at the age of 12. Got in a bad situation & raped at 15 & ran away from home for 3 months. Coming back & hooking back up with the BF I'd left behind when I left. Ended up pregnant at 16 & too scared to get married & we split up. My oldest son was born shortly after my 17th BD. I straightened up for awhile. Quit dating & met my husband & married when I was 19. We stayed together for 21 years & I left him the day after our 21st anniversary. During that time I was a closet addict (pills) & my family didn't know because I kept it hidden & pretty much under control. After awhile I started back drinking shortly before we seperated & couldn't hide my addiction anymore & my husband became an enabler. Buying my alcohol for me & always keeping it in the house. He encouraged me because he said I was more like the person he'd married & more like myself when I drank. Go figure! lol Anyway within 2 weeks after our split I was living with a friend from work & I met her brother. We became involved staying wherever we could until we wore our welcome out & he was abusive & I stayed in the relationship for 7 months before we ended up robbing a store I used to work at for drug money. I'd became addicted to crack & cocaine by that time. I ended up pleading to conspiracy & got 2 years probation. He had other charges against him in NC & is in a NC prison & I was released from jail in 3 months to a drug & alcohol abuse rehab. I continued my contact by mail with the BF for 5 months after our arrest. Finally the rehab convinced me that he was abusive which I also denied & I finally ended the relationship. I've been clean & sober since 02-27-08. Basically I had a poor me attitude & now am starting to find the happiness I've always thought I could never have sober!! Although the law no longer requires that I go to AA meetings or the rehab group. I still attend both on my own. I was released from jail on 06-02-08 & have maintained AA & rehab since then. Living in a transitional house setting for over a year before moving out on my own last October. I realize now it's not all about the life you grew up with. It's how you choose to live your life today!
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
Sounds like your getting your life togerther after a lot of struggle. May I suggest also posting this in the "story" section up top in the stickied links also?
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Agree with Mark, this is indeed a very Powerful history.
Agree with you too Dear, we always need to remember where it was that we came from, so that we never go back to those horrible, wrenching times, however, we can also put our srambled up lives behind us.
Your Story brought to mind instantly that awesome song. "Amazing Grace". (My favorite version ever is by Jesse Norman) . Think I will play it this afternoon and think only of you my dear new friend.
Hugs, Toni
PS. It takes a lot of guts to get that up and out....still have not found the courage to what you did today.
Thank you sooo very much, and in admiration,
Love and Hugs, Toni
-- Edited by Just Toni on Saturday 20th of February 2010 05:22:55 PM
Wow, that was painful to read. Your story is quite inspirational. Not many could've pulled themselves up and out of that situation. Now you're coming up on two years, good for you.
Thank you for sharing your story on MIP today, Tessa. I can identify with your early beginnings. Not all of the sexual violence but similar dynamics in lost souls never quite able to find themselves. We are the fortunate ones. Blessed in fact. I'm sorry for the pain & trauma you had in getting here but the Gift of Sobriety will well make up for it. Through tough times & good. Stay close to your God, Tessa for your understanding of it loves you more than you can perhaps even comprehend ;) In love & fellowship, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Tessa...I'm glad you are here and coming back. That was quite a journey for such a long period of time. I'm grateful with you that you didn't have to repeat it today or the day before. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
WOW - it is so good to see the recovery in someone so relatively 'new' in the programme, and it is something I see in lots of relative 'newcomers' and it makes me wonder what in hell I was playing at for the first 5 years of my 'recovery'?? I guess this was the story of my life, I would fight against ANYTHING which seemed alien to me, and happy joyous and free recovery sure WAS alien to me, believe me.
I can say, though, that I don't regret a minute of my recovery, because doing it the wrong way taught me the difference between doing it right and doing it wrong. Now don't misunderstand me, I'm not trying to kid you that nowadays I always get it right - far from it, but nowadays, I notice quicker when I am getting it wrong.
OR if I don't notice it, I have some true-blue frineds who will tellme I am getting it wrong, God Bless them.
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
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