Not sure who Im derecting this at, or who Im typing too.I've been Drunk for 20 years.Been a mess for the last 2 years....Been a drunk since my first drink. Im losing my house,fucked up my job.My freinds are all gone.My Family has emotionally left me, or maybe Ive left them... And I have a set of Broken Ribs that I dont know how I got.and Im looking at a card my kid made me that says Im her hero... How did I let myself get this far gone.
I've been in your shoes & now I'm living life through the AA program. I've drank & did drugs on & off since I was 12. I'm 43 now. Walked out of a 21 year marriage leaving my 2 kids behind. Oldest was 23 & youngest 16. All I took were my car & clothes. Ended up within 2 weeks with an abusive drunk & drug dealer who happened to be wanted by the police. We both ended up in legal trouble & went to jail. I spent 3 months in the county jail & pleaded guilty getting released into a 6 month drug & alcohol abuse program & probation. I spent the first 4 months while in the program in a homeless shelter & then moving into a transitional house. I've been on my own since last October & still have 10 more months probation. When released from jail all I had were the clothes on my back. Getting arrested & thrown into the rehab was the best thing that could have happened & I'm determined to stay on the right path! My life is so much better now than it was then & I have no family to help me financially. Everything I've done has been a struggle. But, I'm clean & sober!! I'm less than 2 weeks away from having 2 years sobriety & it wouldn't have happened if the judge, probation officer, & my lawyer hadn't believed I could do better!! Find a meeting & go ASAP!!
-- Edited by Tessa on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 08:35:49 PM
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
LOL, I'm sorry but made me laugh. Nice intro post and welcome to the board. There's a bit of magic here if you hang out, it'll work for your. We've got a great group of sober and caring folks here. Stick around and help us to stay sober.
I started young too... Ive been reading alot of stuff on here and alot of it sounds like me. Im ashamed of myself.I woke up Friday morning with 2 cracked ribs,cuts on my lips,and no idea what happened.Its normal for me to wake up beat up or hurt and have no idea what the hell happened... I keep telling my self Im going to clean up for my daughter But I havnt been able too.
I cant remember ever going more than a 2 days with out a drink.Im 35 and have no idea were the last decade went... I cant even remember when the party stopped and the problem began... For a few years I played in a Punk Rock Band,Back then it was cool to self destruct,Everyone else has cleaned up and moved on but me.Im worse than I was then. Its time to get my shit together... Thanks for the replies It feels good to talk/type about this.
-- Edited by LastOneLeft on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 09:26:14 PM
-- Edited by LastOneLeft on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 09:32:29 PM
Welcome to the board. Your story sounds very familiar to a bunch of us. Especially the part about when the party ended and alcoholism began. Yes, I inserted alcoholism. You got it my friend, and there is hope. If your like any of us things just get worse when you put the bottle down for a period of time. A solution is joining the fellowship of alcoholics anonymous if you are willing and truly want to get better. Alcohol is but a symptom of our problems. It's what we use to treat the real problem, which for many of us is life itself. Hang in there and think about A.A.
welcome to the family!I ALSO like your directness,when we are realizing the devastation we are going thru its like a scream in the night.can't find my car why are my fingers broken,did I kill someone last night,what state am I in?,,,,..we are not concerned with how long you were a drunk or how much you drank but only what you want to do about it and how we can help!!We are so glad you found us and know you don't have to do this alone.We are here to share our experience,strength and hope and offer suggestions that may or may not have helped us!I also played in bands from the time I was around 12,gettin loaded was part of the program.I used to wonder why the others could move on after a twister and I would still be twitching for days.!!We are people that have an allergy to the drug its not how much we drink its how we react to it!!Took me 25 years to figure that one out!!!You can find a 'NEW WAY TO LIVE"!!!kEEP COMIN BACK,WE NEED YOU
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Ugh...welcome Jerry. That story sounds familiar to where I was at starting this journey at age 36 a year and some months ago. I had many unrecalled injuries...waking up on the floor...so much shame. I stopped like 4 months on my own but it didn't last. I needed AA.. I really needed it and was ready for it. Of course getting to a meeting is a good idea. You also want to be careful about detoxing...I was drinking daily when I stopped and I only recall having bad sweats, depression, dizziness for a while... You might also want to go to your doctor and be monitored through the detox...either way, you can do this. Where you are at is where you need to be in order to stop this from progressing even further...and yes, it can progress further. Choose to live cuz 35 is too young to be committing slow suicide (or quick because we never know what might happen on our next drunk...could wind up dead). We are here for you!
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thanks...Last night when I found this site I was drunk. Im going to find a meeting around here.I know I have to go... Im scared to death of going.Im scared of not drinking.Its all I've done.Its how I celebrate good news,Its how I mourn,Its how I socialize.I dont know if I can socialize with other people anymore without bieng half crocked.Honestly I cant remember the last time I was "With" my wife sober. I have to drink a few warm ups just to be normal, at least what I think is normal.I dont know why but Im full of anxiety and fear with just the thought of giving it up.I guess I should be excited to get back on track... I know I got to go.Im going to find a meeting and see what its all about. thanks.
-- Edited by LastOneLeft on Wednesday 17th of February 2010 08:40:13 AM
Awesome Jerry and I pretty much think you summed up exactly what I felt when I first stepped into the rooms of AA. I wasn't sure what the hell life was going to be like without drinking. Even during just the first year it was a lot better than it was when drunk all the time...though I won't lie and say it hasn't been challenging at all...life is challenging...but at least we get a crack at doing it better when sober. Major major kudos for taking the steps you are! Can't wait to hear how it went.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Jerry, Welcome to the board. Your not unique my friend. I was in your shoes 5 years ago. Your story is like many of ours. In meetings you will hear your story and variations of it many times over. The good news is there's a solution. We work a simple program that requires work but the solution will reveal itself through honesty, open mindness and willingness. All you have to do is put 1 foot in front of the other and be willing to let others help you. Hard I know, but necessary if your going to stay sober. I could not stay sober alone, but WE can!
In your Bio, you stated that you "Just wished you could keep it to 6 Beers". To somehow manage our drinking, is/was the Obsession of every alcoholic, no one escapes that one.
Broken ribs, bruised up, you remined me of the "Jaywalker" in the Book of Alcoholic's Anonymous. This guy just keeps walking into the street, first he get a broken arm, then the next time, a broken leg, and he just keeps doing it, til one day he comes out of the hospital after a "walking into the street episode, with a Full Body cast.....it ends there, I think, I have written the entire note here out of context about the Jaywalker, so when you get your hands of the Book of Alcoholics Anonymous you might want to read that story....
many of us, included me, can so relate, I never had a broken bone, nor any real injuries from drinking, the bruises and brokenness were all on the inside. Broken Spirit, horribly bruised up relationships.
All of us, no matter the background, had to reach a point of Complete Surrender to this AA Program, starting with just the first Step .......WE are Powerless over Alcohol.......and OUR lifes have become Unmanagable....
ring any bells???
Hope so much you will stay on the Board, there is, as was stated, magic, or miracles happening every day......have you ever, ever been to an AA Meeting.....are you willing to try???
A Big hug, saying a Prayer that the answer to that question is a Resounding yes.....if it is, let us know, we can help you find a Meeting, or picking up the phone book, and looking for the AA Hotline....there, they can definitely direct you to Meetings, where you will meet Alcoholics just like you, and me, and find these people full of love, compassion and kindness, nothing to be afraid of.....Surrending....being teachable....all that is required......you have a wife that is still there, and a 10 year old child.......that is a LOT to be greatful for....
Another Hug, Welcome to our little family, Toni
-- Edited by Just Toni on Wednesday 17th of February 2010 01:21:34 PM
Thanks for sharing . You reminded me of one time when I was drunk, fell down a few stairs in a snowstorm and busted a couple ribs . Very, very painful . Course I didnt even realize what I had done till the next morning ,lol .but ouch !!
It is only by God grace that I am sober and can laugh about my past today.
Get to a meeting. You will most likely find a great bunch of ppl who are willing to help you in any way they can . Just like we are here.
Im glad I came across this site last night. Apparently Im so selfish that I thought no one else could possibly have any idea how screwed up I am or what Im going through..Even now my mind and body are telling me Its time for a drink. Ive been rationalizing with my self all day, that maybe Im not that bad,Maybe If I can limit myself to a few beers a day I wont have to Binge.I can cut the hunger pangs and cravings enough to be satisfied with a few drinks,and be able to drink like a normal person again. And not have to keep repeating this bullshit cycle every other day.I know that sounds stupid....and is impossible for me. Im a Binge drinker. every few days I binge till my lights turn out. thanks again for all the replies.I know what I have to do..
Im going to try and find a meeting this weekend.I dont know if I should tell my family or not...I really dont want to let them down again.
It's really upto you whether you let your family know or not. Remember you're doing this for yourself & your feeling are totally normal. Go to a meeting & just listen to what others have to say. I'm sure once you get there you'll find you're not alone. I realize that if I were to even take a sip of alcohol I'd end up drunk within 30 minutes. That's just who I am & staying sober for awhile like I have doesn't change the fact I'm still an alcoholic & I can't take that first drink or I'm a goner. Occassionally my alcoholism rears it's ugly head & tells me to go ahead & have a drink. But, AA has given me the tools I need to refuse. Before I didn't have a choice. Now I do. Good luck & let us know how your meeting goes!!:)
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
Once you find a meeting list and go to the first meeting...the rest falls into place usually. Just gotta be willing and it sounds like you are. Just don't procrastinate. Another one of 234932482340923842308423 AA slogans: "If you are thinking about going to a meeting, go to a meeting and then think about it."
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thanks, It sounds like you all know me better than I know myself..lol. I didnt think complete strangers would be the ones to offer me a firm hand to help me back up on my feet...Thank you. Im honestly tearing up ,but with a smile which is a first time in a long time for me.. I feel like maybe I have a chance. Thanks. Im going to find a meeting.
-- Edited by LastOneLeft on Thursday 18th of February 2010 05:00:33 PM
Im going to my first meeting tonight when my wife goes to my kids Volley Ball game. I was going to go last night but I thought i could have one to take the edge off. I ended up hammered. I cant stand that I cant just make my mind up to not drink. Im going tonight.Im nervous but looking forward to it. No drinking today before I go.Im going to make sure I get there.
