i have a friend who has really been there for myself and my son, in times of trouble..my son has tried to committ suicide a year ago and was nearly successful, its been quite a journey getting him all hooked into mental health professionals ect. this guy gave me rides to the youth psych ward..came over when i callled when the kid was in a bad state of mind ect. My friend was almost a year and relapsed a week ago, he doesnt see it as a problem and only his roomate and myself know about it..he doesnt want to tell others in the program...he is 60yrs old and been a reliable friend, im confused by his not thinking its a big deal if he drinks every now and then..any insights would be appreciated. ..
ive known him for 3 years, he had 2yrs then slipped and the attitude about then was more of a familar one to me..the get back into the saddle and go hard in recovery..i dont get this one and im thinking i need to back away slowly..i dont know..im confused..
It doesnt sound like he is working 'spiritual principles" to me .I would suggest that if he is not being honest with himself not much we can do.Does he have a sponsor and involved in step work/i WOULD THINK IF HE DID ,he may have more of a concerned frame of mind.Honesty,Openmindedness and willingness are necessary to move forward.wE ALL HAVE BEEN AT DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WHAT WE THINK WE COULD DO,LIKE DRINK SOMETIMES,CHANGE POISONS,STOP FOR AWHILE,ETC..H e sounds as if he doesnt believe he has the disease??I would only suggest, THAT HE call HIS sponsor,make a meeting,take a look inside see if HE IS 'REALLY READY " FOR THIS>>PEACE....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Cindy, Several years ago I found myself in a pretty bad "place": I was sober (about 5 years) but clinically depressed. A woman in AA who had been sober about 15 years was very good to me, let me spend time on her sofa & didn't require that I talk, had good things to share regarding the steps, and just provided a great deal of comfort. I later visited her and she told me that she had decided to drink...and so she did. It sort of rocked my world at the time, and I questioned the value of sobriety. I wondered at my future if this woman I had admired didn't stay sober. As I sat there with her, not drinking, I actually had the taste of alcohol in my mouth. I left, and I went home to call my sponsor. We talked & processed it all. Thing is, the woman who was drinking knew everything I could have told her; I really didn't have anything particularly enlightening to share. She didn't want to quit, believed she could handle it. My last words to her were, "You know where we are if you need us." I don't know what became of her, but I was always very saddened by it all. But I couldn't let it define sobriety for me. I still had choices, and all I could do was be available if she needed me.
Thanks for the share Cindy and the responses Murrill and Mike and Dean. The description that our disease is cunning powerful and baffling are 100% accurate. In spite of the program on a daily basis it is making another run at me and all I know how to do is what I've been doing from 2/8/79. Maybe there is a key there in that it is super pissed that I haven't had a drink since then but I can identify with the thoughts (Now is a good time for one; you certainly can handle it) and feelings (tired of the resistence). I know it's all crap on the conscious level. It is the unconscious level that is working overtime. I've got tools and support. I am sure I won't drink today and tomorrow morning is my home meeting. Sponsor is unavailable...MIP is.
Thanks for sharing that. I don't know your friends story. I only know mine. But I can recall a few times during the course of my early years when I thought I was cured. Once I even thought I was formerly addicted, you know "once an alcoholic, but not anymore." those were difficult times to be sure. fortunately I made it back to AA. Once again, I can't speak for your friend. only he knows if he needs AA or not. there's a saying in the big book that if they decide they don't belong here, if they want to try some other way or if they don't wish to stop at all, we offer them friendship and fellowship. you can lead a drunk to water but you can't make him drink water if he prefers wine or beer but you can always let him know where the water is if he changes his mind.
Much wisdom on here from folks longer term sober than me. So I can't add anything to what they have said.
But, thanks for posting this Cindy. Newcomers like me really need to hear these kinds of stories, cause if I stop working the program, I know that like your friend, I will fall the "it's not a big deal" trap. Cunning, baffling, powerful...
My original sponsor stopped coming to meetings after she reaced 10 years sobriety, and she was there for me day and night and I have her to thank for helping me get to 3 years sobriety, before she stopped coming. That was 10 years ago now, and 2 years after leaving meetings, she pcked up and is still out there, despite numerous stays in hospital, detox's rehabs and comiong back to AA a hundred and one times, she's still at it.
The miracle is she's still drawing breath, which no-one can understand, her medical teanm are baffled how such a small person can survive drowning in Southern Comfort and Gin for all these years. She's a walking miracle, but as hard as it has been for me to see her like this, I can do nothing except stay in contact with her daughter and grandaughter.
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
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