Hi...with all due respect, comments about all drinking being planned is a scientifically disproven old myth, based on the limitations of past knowledge. When alcoholism used to be viewed, mistakenly, as a psychological problem, the brain mechanisms were not yet sufficiently studied as to know what was going on with the disease.Relapse (disease emerging from remission and becoming active again) is a process that takes months, and even years, not a week as some one asked, and is not just a simple subconscious plan to drink. The plan to drink is, in and of itself, a symptom of the activated disease process...by the time we are planning the drink, consciously or subconsciously, we are already in the relapse process.
If we could control when we drink, we would not have alcoholism and would not need the first step, let alone the other 11. Even when we know we planned to drink, or afterwards could see that we were planning it, we are negating the first step and bringing our disease back into the realm of will power.
We can not be recovering and relapsing at the same time; and it is often two steps forward, one step back, or even the other way around. These are not static states...both are fluid states and we may move from one to the other even within a day...though it is the overall trajectory over time that tells the tale.
It's impossible to cram decades of evidence that contradicts this persistent myth (controlling alcoholism by planning our drinking, like it is really a choice), into a post, but if interested, do some homework on relapse prevention (Terrence Gorski's work is a good place to start.) Some of the old AA concepts that were the best good-faith info at the time have since become "bad data" because we scientifically know better today. Unfortunately, infusing some of the misinformation into concrete AA "phrases" and concepts (like no relationships for a year...that is not from AA, it is from the treatment arena...may be excellent advice, but it ain't AA...Bill W et. al. encouraged re-engaging with our relationships, and used the word "recovered"-not cured-there is a difference) just serves to re-fuel the self-blame and self-loathing many people with alcoholism tend to have, usually as a result of the disease itself, and that just gets in the way of our sobriety and recovery.
Lee's rant of the day...she just can't help herself. LOL
It's another one that could become a hairsplitting argument based upon what you consider to be the definition of "planned." Of course nobody really plans to fail and levels of denial are in play. That is why working that 1st step to the point of perfection is crucial. For me, I have to always know on a deep level that I am alcoholic and, regardless of what happened in the past, why I drank then, or what the situation was.....I AM an alcoholic today and if I drank my life would deteriorate to total crap rapidly. If I stop believing that or stop caring...or stop going to meetings which reinforce that for me, I'm not necessarily planning a relapse, but I am certainly not taking the actions necessary to prevent one. Just my opinion.
Mark
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
My last relapse started with an emotion; impotent rage over somethng that could have been diffused with a Accepting the things I cannot change, but it wasn't happening. I still felt too angry to deal with the tasks at hand. (cleaning up the breaking of & covering over the vacancy where my van's hatch-back window had been prior to some randow vandalism in 5 degree F weather). The thoughts were nagging away; "make yourself feel better", "gonna need more acceptance than God's giving out today to handle this bullsh**", and the kicker..."If you stay wound up like this, you're gonna end up unloading your mouth on one of your kids and they are innocent - YOU are the one with the anger issues!"
The hardware store is across the street from the grocery store and I needed frozen pizza to feed the kids, as my afternoon was shot. I bought the beer. I drank the beer. I slowly used duct-tape, a heat-gun, an exacto-knife, some thick plastic sheeting and several cardboard patterns to keep snow & rain out of my van. I found every last little piece of shattered glass. Eight bitterly cold hours later, I had not yelled at the kids & I did not get sh*tfaced, either. I did not return to the store for more beer. I did not drink the next day.
That episode started with a thought and ended dangerously for me, an alcoholic. On the surface it would seem that I "drank responsibly". That's the dangerous exception that proves the rule, at least for me. It only takes one bad drunk, or one month of continuous drunks, for me to do real damage to myself or others.
What did I do? I got back into the program the next day and hammered my steps 1-3 really, really hard. I 'fessed up to my group and I 'fessed up to my sponsor (I think I 'fessed up here, too. I don't recall.) I did NOT let it turn into an episode of guilt and shame. I learned from it, and it hasn't happened since. Period.
I don't think I ever went to sleep sober and woke up drunk. And every slip I had, god I hate the word relapse, learn the language folks, every slip I had started a long time before I took a drink. even the good doctor silkworth wrote a nice article on slips. he said they were times when Sobriety Lost Its Priority. To use his analogy, I have a heart condition, but as long as I take my meds, exercise, don't do anything strenuous, follow my diet, etc. chances are I won't die anytime soon. But sometimes when I'm downtown, the elevator is broken so I take the stairs. I don't get short of breath so next day I deliberately take the stairs, before long I'm jogging up those steps, rewarding myself with pizza, skipping my meds - what do I need those for anyway - and next thing you know I have a heart attack and die. Did I plan my death? Hardly. I just didn't see being healthy as all that important so I stopped following directions. Slips are the same. Sobriety loses its priority; I stop following directions, next thing you know I'm in a situation where drinikng is an option, I have no defense and I'm off to the races. Did I plan it? I don't think so.
hey this ranting is cool stuff...thanks for the idea.
Interesting. As I classic in the program, "I can only talk about my own experience", lol.
For my last slip, I simply hadn't been making meetings and had stalled on working the steps. I had used one excuse or another not to go. I'd actually been posting on here. I was praying every day, all the time. But, I'll say it again, I hadn't been making meetings and had stalled on working the steps.
As I walked into the pub, part of me was simply embracing my alcoholism negatively, knowing all of the bad things that could happen, but was being willing to take those chances for the few hours of pleasure that it would afford. Another part of me was saying that this time would be different.
I think that that is stark proof of my own insanity when it comes to booze. Maybe it was planned, with the not going to meetings and stalling on the steps. I dunno.
All I know is that if I go to meetings and keep working the steps, then I won't drink today.
Hi...with all due respect, comments about all drinking being planned is a scientifically disproven old myth, based on the limitations of past knowledge. When alcoholism used to be viewed, mistakenly, as a psychological problem, the brain mechanisms were not yet sufficiently studied as to know what was going on with the disease.Relapse (disease emerging from remission and becoming active again) is a process that takes months, and even years, not a week as some one asked, and is not just a simple subconscious plan to drink. The plan to drink is, in and of itself, a symptom of the activated disease process...by the time we are planning the drink, consciously or subconsciously, we are already in the relapse process.
If we could control when we drink, we would not have alcoholism and would not need the first step, let alone the other 11. Even when we know we planned to drink, or afterwards could see that we were planning it, we are negating the first step and bringing our disease back into the realm of will power.
We can not be recovering and relapsing at the same time; and it is often two steps forward, one step back, or even the other way around. These are not static states...both are fluid states and we may move from one to the other even within a day...though it is the overall trajectory over time that tells the tale.
It's impossible to cram decades of evidence that contradicts this persistent myth (controlling alcoholism by planning our drinking, like it is really a choice), into a post, but if interested, do some homework on relapse prevention (Terrence Gorski's work is a good place to start.) Some of the old AA concepts that were the best good-faith info at the time have since become "bad data" because we scientifically know better today. Unfortunately, infusing some of the misinformation into concrete AA "phrases" and concepts (like no relationships for a year...that is not from AA, it is from the treatment arena...may be excellent advice, but it ain't AA...Bill W et. al. encouraged re-engaging with our relationships, and used the word "recovered"-not cured-there is a difference) just serves to re-fuel the self-blame and self-loathing many people with alcoholism tend to have, usually as a result of the disease itself, and that just gets in the way of our sobriety and recovery.
Lee's rant of the day...she just can't help herself. LOL
I like this and believe the disease has been activated in me again recently, although I haven't picked up and ADAAT hope I don't.
__________________
The past is never over; it's not even past yet. William Faulkner, U.S. writer
Hi...with all due respect, comments about all drinking being planned is a scientifically disproven old myth, based on the limitations of past knowledge. When alcoholism used to be viewed, mistakenly, as a psychological problem, the brain mechanisms were not yet sufficiently studied as to know what was going on with the disease.
