The folks in town have been pounding lately(NOT ME Though, pounding the booze, or them pounding on me). Working in the restaurant has been fine while working the program and has also been helpful in a weird way. The way the bar is set up, we don't get many super heavy drinkers.
This week it felt like every customer must be alcoholic. It's hard not to be a bible thumper when some people beg me pour just one, or pour way too many, etc. So far I've refrained from spouting AA over the bar in my pink haze.
My last customer was begging me for some booze for his fancy new flask to take out of the bar(illegal). I was grossed out by the deal. Then the on foot out-of-towner refused to walk the four blocks to the liquor store before it shut down and he was out of luck for the night. Probably not alcoholic.
Yeah, done for the week, next shift is Valentine's, which can be bad or good, depending on your situation.
The lighter side is that for every heavy drinker in the bar, there is usually one member of the fellowship having a bite to eat in the restaurant on the other side of the divider(We're located next door to the Alano club). I'm never alone, spiritually and bodily.
In fact the woman who connected me to AA (while I was working-she ran next door to the club and got me a meeting schedule and passed it to me on the downlow after my hinting about wanting help with a problem), came in to eat in the restaurant yesterday. I hadn't seen her since my second meeting as she lives an hour away. That was cool.
Thanks for listening to me blab. See ya later, Angel
-- Edited by angelov8 on Thursday 11th of February 2010 04:04:21 AM
-- Edited by angelov8 on Thursday 11th of February 2010 04:52:48 AM
I host karaoke in a bar 4 nights a week... lemme tell you, I have to say the Serenity prayer a lot. Sometimes it even helps.
I know what you mean about having to bite your tongue - I made a few mistakes early on, like when someone was getting 86'd and I was sure he would never be back I wrote him a note and gave him an A.A. pamphlet (while he was still outside drunk sitting on the curb)... of course they changed their mind a couple months later and let him back in, so now I get the awkward pleasure of him giving me funny looks all the time. Nowadays I just don't bother with those who are still in the middle of their disease whether I think they must be ready or not. There are plenty of people just coming in to A.A. who really do want some help, without me wasting valuable time and energy on those who are probably not ready (and who won't appreciate anything I say to them).
Hey angelove8, thanks for sharing that....you know I have played drums in and out of many bands from time I was KID OF 12. At the end of my 25 year run,in early 80's all musicians I played with and all the places I played were infested with 'MY DISEASE".When I surrendered and admitted 1st step in '84 some of The first work I had to do was find new band members and environments that werent detrimental to my abstinence(TRIED DRINKING TONIC WATER AND HANGING OUT,NO GOOD!!).It was relatively impossible for me at that time so I played less,stayed out of the environments and found new groups of people to be with.Then it really started kicking in clean/sober, not really "working" a program'but gambling my brains off,mean spirited,even more self centered than ever,mad I couldn;t hang with my old crew,and all kinds of resentments and shortcomings!!!..Thru the years I have addressed "all my stuff' and gave it over and found a 'new way " to live'Do I get cranked cause I cant hang or party like others? Sometimes but very rarely and if I do, I KNOW I HAVE MOVED AWAY FROM MY PROGRAM AND IMMEDIATELY "RUN BACK!!!!!I have found for me best way to make an impression on someone who "is more sick than me at this time" is to work my recovery to best of my ability and try and do Gods will each day....People I sponsor said they want what I have and that is Gods grace showing thru and only the minor workings of this alcoholic...I even thought of becoming Cac counselor as I entered Human service work force but then decided I wasnt ready to be back in the mix at that time..Now sky is the limit as long as I remain sober...thanks for listening to my blab.Have a blessed and productive day...........
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Aloha Angel...you got time to be good to yourself...hope some of it is from within the rooms of AA. Stay hooked up in the fellowship and with your sponsor. I don't know if I could get at close to the disease and that fellowship as you are. I won't try because I take my story before recovery as seriously as after. I don't have any elbow room left at the bar. I've been gratefully squeezed out so you won't find me holding over or begging for just another one anytime ever.
Keep coming back and enjoy your days off. ((((hugs))))
Yeah Angela...I think you have a pretty good program to be able to work where you do... People tell me the same thing working with juvenile delinquents who have drug and alcohol problems too, but it is the job I always had so I don't see it that way. Plus, I NEVER see them actively using since they are locked up. I don't know if I could handle that...it would irritate the crap out of me. I had one parent show up for a family session stinking drunk and it annoyed me. It was one of the fathers (which is rare to begin with). Luckily the mom was there and making sense so I pretty much ignored dad, as he was not capably of participating. He was slurring words and taking food off the kid's cateteria tray like it was a buffet or something.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thank you everyone for your replies. Believe or not, serving and being around the alcohol is more of a deterent and doesn't bother me much. As Pink indicated, I had the job before sobriety, and on becoming sober, I felt more anxiety about being jobless than being in the restaurant. So, on the advice of my sponsor, we continue to communicate daily, and keep a close eye on the bar job. The scariest moments I've had in this job comes when the shifts are crazy and stressful because of all the unanticipated factors that come up. Anyone who's worked in this area knows what I mean. It's probably true for alcoholics in any stressful work situation. However, in the restaurant, it is expected and customary to deal with the intense, immediate stress by drinking your shift drink(S). I leave right after I clock out, and I allow myself the knowledge that I can and will walk out at any time if the thought of a drink ends up anywhere near my mouth. Perhaps it might be too late, but somehow the knowledge that it would be OK to just leave now gives me a sense of freedom. I would have never considered walking out on a shift in the past.
It was never my lifelong ambition to be a bartender. I've never thought it was cool or into the power of the holder of the booze that some attribute and honor of the bartender. I almost hate the exssessive tippers; I've often felt the profession too similar to other self-destructive jobs that include payment for services rendered. It does pay the bills for the time being, and as I progress in the program, I find that other job avenues are becoming open to me. At the same time, I come home from work and deal with a loving but drinking husband. Being around the alcohol at work helps me keep my sobriety in perspective, keep it first and foremost. In a weird way, I'm able to keep it about me and my drinking problem, rather than that I drink because of everything else, if that makes any sense.
I've had to serve people in the program who go back out. That was really hard. I do see people out there in the bar come into the program. That's great. So far I've managed to have restraint of tongue regarding AA (FS-thanks for your sharing your bar 12 step event-it might save me from the same), and they've all showed up not because I told them as a bartender that they're cut off, but because perhaps they've had enough. It happend tonight. In fact it was the gal who I mentioned liked take her clothes off in public. The last time I saw her in the bar, I didn't have to serve her, because she only made it in ten feet to the bench in the seating area before laying down and passing out during early dinner hour in front of the families dining. I was first hand witness to the bitter end of a long drinking career, and then especially thrilled to see her at a meeting with the first glimmer of sanity in her eyes I ever remember. I have the unique position of knowing exactly how big that it is for her to walk through the door into AA.
I run into people occasionally who are miffed when I won't taste something. For the most part the owners and staff are supportive, but don't want to talk much about why I'm not drinking. Many of them say that they think they have a drinking problem and wonder how I manage to be such an angel. If they only knew...I'm not the angel, I just found mine!
-- Edited by angelov8 on Saturday 13th of February 2010 05:40:59 AM
-- Edited by angelov8 on Saturday 13th of February 2010 05:50:04 AM
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