Hello everyone. I am seeking guidance on Step 3

blue2 · Member

Hello everyone. I am seeking guidance on Step 3

mikef · MIP Old Timer

Welcome blue2.Glad you found us...I am glad you are working steps which are the spiritual solutions .Are you sure you are well grounded in our first 2 steps before heading into #3?I only ask because#1 we have already "admitted"(not only surrendered) we were powerless and unmanageable,and then filling the void with step #2,coming to believe "that" a power greater than ourselves(not who or what this power is ,but what it can do to help us in our recovery(your own concept of a HP)it follows suit that on trust and faith alone you turn(not your just your life but your will and your life) over to the"care" of God. Its like when you bring your kids to the babysitter,you dont "turn them over" to the babysitter,you turn them over to the 'care' of the babysitter.Probably poor analogy if you dont have kids but it changes the context of the thought.Everyone's process is different and therefore I can only speak for me but by going thru first 2 steps I had already made some comittments to admit, come to believe and then ,make a decision,that something greater than myself could restore me to sanity(making same mistakes and expecting different results)Are you in program now and working with a sponsor?Our first step is the only step that actually mentions the substance,the rest of the steps are the solutions..For me the only way is letting my Higher Power(whom I choose to call God)take it all and I get out of the way and let the miracles happen.Keep coming back ,there will be many here to share their feelings on step #3..Letting go is one of the hardest things for us to do!!!!Nice meeting you smile

soberdrunk · MIP Old Timer

I know what you are talking about. The book says "lack of power, that was our dilemma."
I guess it comes down to this...my thinking got me right where I'm at today. In How It Works it tells me that I can get sober if I'm willing to go to any length.
How long do I want to be miserable before I concede that things are not working when I'm in control. There is a better way. An easier, softer way. It's called putting my life in H.P.'s hands.
The book tells us to make this decision and take a vigorous course of action(paraphrased) which involves moving on to step 4.
I would suggest calling your sponsor about this. And then read We Agnostics a few times and see how you relate.
Good luck. Just remember that misery is optional. Always will be.

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Hi,
One of the first people I met when I joined told me that the first three steps can be summarized;
1. I can't
2. He can
3. I'll let Him

It helps me, a former agnostic, to know that the philosophy of Step 3 is very similiar to Taoist and Buddhist beliefs and practices. It makes it easier to let go.

Step 3 opened my self so that The Divine; God; The Universe; The Tao; The Creator...It...could work through and with me. Where there once was only my self, my self is connected to It, yields to It & trusts It. It is infinite and omnipotent.
It can easily bear the weight of the sorrows, pain and shame of my alcoholic life.
By humbly yielding my self to It, I am empowered by It, and may continue to grow and progress on a spiritual path; thereby keeping my sobriety.

If you think that sounds like the ranting of a deluded acolyte you're not alone. I felt the same way whenI first heard others express the same ideas until I sat back and really looked and listened and realized that for thousands and thousands of years people have lived happy, fruitful and meaningful lives...with Faith.

That's all I've got. I hope it helps. Peace,
Rob

Tessa · Senior Member

Without a "god of my understanding" I cannot. Without me "my god" will not.

angelov8 · MIP Old Timer

I can't help but think of writing something that is basically a rehash of the wonderful stuff in the chapter mentioned above, "We agnostics", so I'll second the suggestion to read it. I found it helpful to read it line by line, very carefully, and let your mind take a deep breath, clear, and expand as far as your able to let it. In the end, all of us come to step 2 and 3 in different ways. All that you need is the willingness to remain open instead of closed off.

Once a person who desires to control things recognizes that they cannot control their drinking, it's controlling them, the next thing is the willingness to imagine that something else-outside of themselves-can exist. Your are expressing some willingness just by posting here, and asking the question. This is hard for many at first. In fact, half of the first founders declared themselves agnostic or atheist. However, they found a solution to the tyranny and destruction of alcohol, just as many of us here on the board have. It is worth the effort to try, it saves lives and to boot, life can become wonderful and more than ever imagined before.

I was overjoyed to discover how there is no concrete conception of what I was turning my life over to. It is completely individual. A sponsor can be a huge help in helping it making it work for you. The actual process of turning it over for me was more mundane than I originally might have conceived it. Once I was willing, things gradually began to make sense, like the window got clearer and clearer. As the obssession from drinking lifted, my inner spirit naturally got cleaner and if you look you'll start to see others shining brightly too.

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha Blue...ponder the words powerless and unmanageable in step 1. This was the
condition your power and control was in and the consequences from using it. You only
tried to convince yourself it was working.

The last word of step 2. is Sanity. Came to believe that some power bigger and more
powerful than Blue would and could bring her to Sanity. It is insane trying to live
normally while drinking myself into a state of abnormal. What I desired for my life
would never reach me while drinking; especially the way I was drinking.

When you are truely convinced - and - you are sick and tired of being sick and tired
you're ready to yell "uncle" or Higher Power or God and then the God of your
understanding. You make the unusual decision to completely abandon yourself to
God as you understand God (him/her/it) and you practice letting go absolutely until
it becomes a natural part of your make up. God first...you next...another suffering
alcoholic just after.

If you want more convincing...Bring your drinking history story here and go over it
with us and then ask, "how much power do I have left if at all?"

What you're feeling is fear...the greatest emotional barrier to sobriety and the one
we most drank to be rid of.

Keep coming back...You can stop drinking and you can get sober...For now you just
won't.

((((hugs)))) smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 9th of February 2010 04:31:25 AM

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

That is a very good question. I have been turning my life over to a higher power for the past 9 months or so, which I very often question, sometimes believe in, sometimes don't, sometimes decide is one thing, sometimes decide is another, usually I don't even bother to try to figure it out. (It's better that way anyway)

Somehow I'm still here... guess I'll do the same thing tomorrow and see what happens.

biggrin

blue2 · Member

Thank you so very much for your thoughtful reply. I am recently back in the program now, after a few years of sobriety, and illness successfully treated (cancer), but upon returning began drinking once again. I do not as yet have a sponsor but have a goal to find one. You have given me much to think about and revisiting the full commitment of Steps 1 and 2. I think that going back there will be a good direction now, and should make #3 easier for me to accept (and embrace). I will do so. Thank you for reaching out.

blue2 · Member

Many thanks for your reply and help. I think you hit some key points. After reading the above response from another veteran, I know I need to go back to better accept the first two steps and then find a sponsor. I believe I have faith that everything will work out for the best, but the fear of the future and all it entails has got me to the place I am working to get out of today. I feel brief, fleeting feelings of relief and hope. Much comes from those like yourself reaching out to share. I especially love your phrase: "Misery is Optional." What a wonderful mantra. Many thanks.

blue2 · Member

Thanks to Aquaman for some beautiful thoughts that bring Eastern philosophy into play. These really resonated with me. In reading each rich response from you all, I feel it has helped me move a little bit closer to the longer term peace I am seeking. My thanks to everyone. Another day under my belt.

The Sword · Veteran Member

blue2 wrote:

I am someone with a high need for control and do not know how (or am afraid to trust) turning my life over. Does it really work? Thank you to everyone.

I was a little shy and unsure myself, but we need to remember that we had all given our lives over to Alcohol, and that didn't work out so good, did it?

Yes it works!

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi Blue. Step 3 takes a lot of practice and it's a give and take for awhile. Perfection would be handing everything over to HP but most of us would never get there. We can hand over our expectations for every circumstance. If we do this than our compulsion to control will ease as our need to control banks on controlling the outcome. To begin, we practice by handing over the "Thing that we cannot change" to our HP. This should be easy as we know that we can't control those right? Then we gradually hand more and more, and sooner or later we realize that 99% of our "issues" and everything really, we have no control over. Then we move on to the things that we Do have influence over and avoid being compulsive, hand the situation over to HP and ask for a solution, wait a day or two, and usually it resolves itself or we realize that our wish or slant on what we thought the situation should look like was not the best of outcomes. Handing over a situation to HP gives us pause and humility to gain understanding through the faith that WE aren't responsible for most of the things that we think we are. hope this helps.

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 10th of February 2010 05:34:12 AM

leeu · MIP Old Timer

doesn't say you turn over your life and will...sez u made a decision, and the decision has to do with the CARE OF...what's not to like?

murrill · Veteran Member

Blue2,
This is a very good topic, one that could probably use more discussion that it gets. You've had some very good feedback. When I came to AA I didn't have much problem with Step One, but Two & Three really threw me. Even though they told me it was a spiritual, not religious, program, I had trouble with the concept....yet all these wonderful, happy people I'd met in meetings swore by their HP. I was willing to give it a try, frustrating though the journey. My task was to come to some understanding of a Higher Power that was not punitive or judgemental or made as he!! with me. It took a very long time to be at peace with that, but in the interim I trusted what they told me in AA....I trusted the process. Even now my understanding of a Higher Power is not an interventionist deity that is external to myself. "God" is a spirit, an energy, that runs through each of us, joining us as one. Step Three has been an exercise in trusting the wisdom of that energy, believing that the universe has an intelligence that exceeds mine. Turning it over was (and sometimes continues to be) a case-by-case learning experience of doing my part and getting out of the results. I stepped out of my comfort zone and surrounded myself with healthy, happy, sober people who served as my reality checks. With time I grew to trust myself. It is a learned skill, but one you can learn with practice.

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

G.O.D. = Group Of Drunks

Avril G · Senior Member

GET A SPONSOR!!!

NO GOD = NO PEACE
KNOW GOD = KNOW PEACE

Ditto from me to G O D = Group Of Drunks - Gift Of Desperation - Good Orderly Direction

I posted a link to the 12 step guides which might help, but you do need a sponsor to take you through (or help you through) the 12-step programme, hopefully your sponsor of choice will be on who has a sponsor himself and is a fair way into the recovery programme himself.

Here's the link again http://www.sober.org/

blue2 · Member

Reply to Avril G