I spent hours looking at photo albums and most of the pictures I remember but I wonder what the hell went wrong with so many incidences? I remember so many people that were in our lives and a drunken outburst from myself or my sister would alienate them forever.
I'm roasting for the 14th night in a row. And looking at things differently but also trying to figure out why so many people screw up all the time and I am the one who always got caught.
My ex husband was the one who called the cops over a month ago and he doesnt pay child support and could give a crap about his own children, yet oh, my he was the 'saving grace' who reported that I was distraught over my mother's death and my son's abuse to me.
I can't help it, I'm angry tonight. He is living with his mother , doesnt pay child support and reported me, I am sure to make sure I would be okay to do what he cannot do.
Support his children ...send them to college. Be a parent.
AARRGH. Well maybe that will make me feel better........................back
It's gonna be okay. Getting sober and dealing with life on life's terms can be overwhelming at times, but it does get easier. As you continue to grow, the anger and the stuff going on right now won't be as powerful as it seems to be right now.
Part of the 4th step talks about anger...It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it was fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. Big Book pp 66
But here's the solution...We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done." Big Book pp 67
We all love you here...if ya need to vent this is a great place to do it! Feel better...and live in today not yesterday.
Back, I'm glad you are here sharing the things that are bothering you. I get in trouble when the monkeys in my mind start chattering and I don't let them out and talk about it with someone.I've always been encouraged to talk or write about it until I don't have to do so anymore. That has always helped , along with prayer.
Last night some old resentments were running loose in my mind so I called my sponsor and we talked for a little while. When I saw my husband we talked about them for just a moment.Even though he is still a practicing alcoholic he has been in and around the program for 18 years, so he knew what I was going through.Resentments are something I, as an alcoholic cannot afford to entertain, because they get me into my old self. I forgive for me and me alone.
You keep talking ,dealing with your feelings, sorting through the stuff. It gets better each day you are sober and working on your recovery. How are the meeting going? I'm so glad you are here.
Ah Back... I relate. Still frustrates me when my ex wants to pop up and pretend he has the same rights he has never offered the kids. Raising kids simply isn't a part-time or casual job, is it? Even though governments and the boof headed ex's like to pretend it can be.
I think I have come to trust now, that my ex's input is never anything other than some weird peacock act...he just pops up, ruffles a few feathers, speaks a lot of rubbish, makes a lot of promises he never keeps, passes a lot of judgements he's not qualified to make and then disappears again while me and the kids get on with living.
Just know that you are there doing the right thing...being the best mum you can be...loving yourself and the kids through whatever life throws at you all in whatever day...and you're doing it sober...living life on lifes terms. The kids will see that. Mine did.
To let go of regrets, we only look back long enough to remind ourselves we don't want to go back there. We reinforce ourselves and steel ourselves against drinking again (going backwards) and give thanks for the life we have today and keep striving to step forward.
Have decided I'm not going to call you "Back" any more...."4 Good" is much stronger, and you sound heaps stronger. You're moving forward and getting stronger each time you share. I love to see that..it reminds me that we are all moving forward and things are definately getting better. At least we don't have to clean up after the peacocks anymore...lol. It's easier just focussing on our own mess, I reckon.
